Canadian Forces National Investigation Service

Finally, at long last.

Well, it looks as if the Minister of National Defence has finally grown a pair and is stripping the Canadian Armed Forces of its ability to investigate and prosecute sexual offences.

This is great news.

But it should go much further. The CFNIS and the base military police MUST be prohibited from investigating any crime on base in which civilians are the victims. This would officially remove both domestic child abuse and domestic spousal abuse from the purview of the Canadian Forces military police group.

Sadly it’s too late for the kids of CFB Namao to receive justice.

The settlement from the class action will be the only acknowledgement that we will ever receive.

There will be no admissions of guilt.

There will be no prosecution.

There will be no admission that the military justice system outright failed us.

There will be no investigations to see how extensive child sexual abuse was on the bases in Canada and how often these matters were mishandled by the military justice system.

In my matter the police force investigating this matter was guided by all sorts of wishy-washy policies enacted by the various National Defence Acts.

And none of these policies dealt directly with child sexual abuse.

For example in 1998 the Canadian Forces Provost Marshal put order CFPM 2120-4-0 into effect that stated that in the matters of sexual assault that occur on base when both the victim and the abuser are civilians, the matter is to be handed over to the outside civilian authorities having jurisdiction.

One military dependent sexually abusing other military dependents would be a perfect trigger for this order.

That policy was outright ignored by the CFNIS in March of 2011, and it was ignored by the Federal Court of Canada in 2013.

Yes, CFPM 2120-4-0 instructed the military police and the CFNIS that matters involving civilian on civilian crimes and sexual assaults involving civilians be handed off to the outside civilian authorities, but as the CFPM 2120-4-0 wasn’t hard written into the National Defence Act according to the Federal Court, the Provost Marshal in 2011 was free to ignore this directive at will.

The Provost Marshal and the Canadian Forces National Investigation Service can whine and cry and protest all they want.

They fucked up.

Yes, they may have had no choice in the matter, but they fucked up nonetheless.

In 1980 the military police were not allowed by the chain of command to call in the Royal Canadian Mounted Police to deal with the babysitter.

Why didn’t the base commander allowed the RCMP to be called in? Remember, the Canadian Forces moved heaven and earth to keep this investigation and prosecution within the military justice system and out of the prying eyes of the Canadian public, even going so far as to move the court martial “in-camera” and sealing the transcripts. The military would have lost all of this power had the babysitter been investigated, arrested, and then prosecuted in the Juvenile Delinquents Court. One peculiarity of the Juvenile Delinquents Act was the fact that the juvie court could find an adult responsible for the delinquency of a minor and issue summary fines and sentences. All of the work that the Canadian Forces undertook in 1980 to keep Captain McRae a secret would have been all for naught if the babysitter went to juvie court.

In 2011 the CFNIS had the 1980 CFSIU investigation paperwork and the court martial transcripts, both of which heavily implicated the babysitter with the abuse of numerous children on the base. In fact as Fred Cunningham stated in 2011, and as the babysitter’s own father stated to me in 2015, it was the babysitter’s abuse of children that triggered the investigation of Captain Father Angus McRae.

Yes, the existence of the paperwork wouldn’t have proved the babysitter’s guilt, but the fact that he had been investigated by the military police and was found to have been sexually abusing children during the exact same time period that I accused the babysitter of molesting me and my brother would have probably encouraged the crown to request a more in depth investigation.

Remember, it wasn’t that the babysitter had been cleared during the military police investigation, or that the charges had been dismissed against the babysitter , the chain of command on Canadian Forces Base Namao prevented both the base military police and the CFSIU from calling in the Royal Canadian Mounted Police to deal with the babysitter.

And yes, when I requested in 2017 that the CFNIS question the former base commander of CFB Namao, retired brigadier general Daniel Edward Munro, as to why he dismissed the majority of charges against Captain McRae and why he wouldn’t allow the RCMP to be brought in to deal with the babysitter, the CFNIS obtained a legal opinion from a legal officer in Ottawa that stated that due to the 3-year-time-bar that existed prior to 1998 no charges could be brought against Daniel Edward Munro so therefore no investigation was to occur.

However the CFNIS failed to pass any of this information on the Albert Crown prosecutor’s office. In fact the CFNIS seemed to have withheld numerous bits of information from the Crown.

This was a tactic that the military police employed in the ’90s during the CFB Gagetown Rape Controversy in which a military spouse was gang raped by numerous soldiers in a barracks on the base. The general consensus was that the military police would give a case to the crown that the military police knew the crown would not prosecute. The military police would then blame the crown for the failure to bring charges.

During the 2012 MPCC investigation of my complaint against the CFNIS, the Provost Marshall willingly withheld the existence of the CFSIU paperwork and the court martial transcripts from the MPCC. In fact the Provost Marshal withheld numerous documents from the MPCC.

Federal Court rules state that an applicant for judicial review cannot enter into evidence any documents that were not before the tribunal in question.

This means that I was unable to enter into evidence anything that the Provost Marshal hadn’t given to the MPCC. Which was a lot. If I had to guess, I’d say that the Provost Marshal withheld from the Military Police Complaints Commission over 80% of the documents from the 2011 investigation.

Even though the 2nd CFNIS investigation was conducted much better as an inspector with the RCMP had set down some ground rules and directions for the CFNIS to follow, in the end the CFNIS basically resubmitted the same brief word for word to the Alberta crown that the CFNIS submitted in 2011. The second time around that CFNIS again failed to notify the crown of the existence of the 1980 CFSIU investigation paperwork or the 1980 court martial transcripts that indicated that the babysitter was known to have molested numerous children on the base during the same frame of time that I had made my allegations against him.

And I know that the exact same brief was filed because when I filed for judicial review in 2013 I was given a certified copy of the documents before the MPCC. In 2019 when I appealed the findings of the Alberta Victims of Crime decision that no crime had occurred based upon the CFNIS investigation, I was given a certified copy of the documents before the Alberta Victims of Crime. This included the 2018 submission to the Alberta Crown. It was identical to the 2011 submission.

See, the problem with the military police is that they are soldiers first and police officers second.

The investigators with the CFNIS must obey the lawful commands of their superiors. Their superiors must obey the lawful commands of their superiors. And so on, and so on.

This means that investigations conducted by the CFNIS can be exposed to political interference.

Children who were sexually abused on military bases in Canada were of absolutely no concern to the brass at NDHQ. And the brass at NDHQ was certainly not going to allow a bunch of base brats sully the public image of the Canadian Armed Forces.

What would the public think if they discovered that children were not entirely safe while living on allegedly secure defence establishments?

What would the public think if the public were to be told that children who lived on bases in Canada prior to 1998 and who were sexually abused by members of the Canadian Forces could not obtain justice due to the existence of the 3-year-time-bar?

What would the public think if the public were to be told that due to the principles of “double jeopardy” military service personnel who sexually abused children on base prior to 1998, and who had their charges dismissed by their commanding officer, could never be tried again on the same charges by either a civilian or military tribunal. I would like to think that the Canadian public would blow a collective gasket if they were to discover that these commanding officers that had the power to dismiss and charge brought against their subordinate had no legal training, no legal background, and prior to 1997 didn’t even have to consult with a legal officer before dismissing charges.

And what would the public think if they discovered that the likelihood of charges being brought against an abuser in the pre-1998 days had a lot to do with the rank of the victim’s serving parent versus the rank of the abuser and ultimately the rank of the abuser’s commanding officer.

A corporal’s demand that charges be brought against a captain when the captain’s commanding officer is a colonel isn’t going to go too far. Especially not when that commanding officer is the base commander and had the ultimate authority over everyone on that particular defence establishment. This would include the corporal, the corporal’s commanding officer, the base military police, and the Canadian Forces Special Investigations Unit detachment located on the colonel’s base.

Anyways, enough for now…….

The Justice System in this country is in shambles and is horrifically broken if you’re the victim

The justice system in this country is broken, of that there is absolutely no doubt.

And sadly, it’s the victims of crime that get the proverbial boot to the balls.

Most, if not all, victim assistance programs are geared towards victims in which a conviction has occurred or where there exists the likelihood that a crime was committed.

But what if the police department that is conducting the investigation is compromised?

What if the system that you are ensnared in is not set up for dealing with civilian victims?

If you’ve followed my blog you’ll see that I’ve been engaged with the Canadian Armed Forces and the Canadian Forces National Investigation Service since March of 2011.

March of 2011 is of course when I decided to deal with the babysitter.

Yes, I had from 1980 to 2011 to deal with the babysitter, that is true, but if you’ve followed along with my blog you’ll realize that from 1980 to 1983 a military social worker was blaming me for allowing myself to be abused and for allowing the babysitter to molest my brother.

In March of 2011 I was finally ready to deal with the babysitter against the wishes of my father.

I made my complaint with the Edmonton Police Service. The EPS passed the matter off to the Canadian Forces National Investigation Service.

As the certified tribunal records illustrate, that investigation was an absolute joke. But that wasn’t surprising at the time as the military police were being dragged through the mud for their inability to investigate sexual assaults involving women in the military.

And if it hadn’t been for a series of questions that Master Corporal Christian Cyr asked me on May 3rd, 2011 I would have never put 2 & 2 together with respect to the babysitter and Captain McRae, the base chaplain. Nor would I have known that the babysitter had sued the Minister of National Defence for the sexual abuse at the hands of Captain McRae.

The investigation concluded on November 4th, 2011 with Petty Officer Steve Morris calling me and telling me that the CFNIS couldn’t find any evidence at all to indicate that the babysitter was capable of what I accused him of.

In December of 2011 I filed a complaint with the Military Police Complaints Commission. The MPCC conducted a ‘review’, but during a review the MPCC relies solely upon documents submitted to it by the Provost Marshal. The MPCC is not allowed to subpoena documents. In fact, during an MPCC review the MPCC cannot administer oaths.

In 2012 I filed my first of many FOI requests to obtain the court martial transcripts of Captain McRae.

In February of 2013 the MPCC gave the CFNIS a solid TWO-THUMBS-UP for a very detailed investigation that spanned 30 years.

However, what the Canadian Forces Provost Marshal failed to hand over to the Military Police Complaints Commission in 2012 was the 1980 CFSIU investigation paperwork and the transcripts from the July 15-18 courts martial of Captain Father Angus McRae. I know about this paperwork because an investigator with the CFNIS would later inform me about the existence of this paperwork and that it corroborated everything that a retired military police officer had told me on November 27th, 2011.

After the MPCC review was over I quickly assessed my options. I tried to obtain a lawyer with federal court experience, specifically experience with dealing with the Military Police Complaints Commission. The clock ticks pretty fast when one wants to file for judicial review. You literally have 90 days from the day the findings of the tribunal are released to file your application.

The lawyers that I was speaking with all wanted retainers in the neighbourhood of $15k to $20k.

But more importantly, most of these lawyers were hung up on why a civilian wanted to have the federal court quash the findings of a military tribunal.

Something doesn’t make sense.

You’re not telling us the truth.

You’re hiding something.

The military never investigates child sexual abuse

The military police never investigate civilian on civilian sexual abuse.

You should get the RCMP to look at this matter

You should get the Edmonton Police Service to investigate this matter.

So, I ended up representing myself in Federal Court.

When I received the certified tribunal records from the MPCC it was very obvious that the CFNIS and the Provost Marshal had excluded a vast amount of documentation and records from the records that were given to the MPCC.

Could I introduce my copies of these documents to the federal court? Nope. Well, I could, but I’d have to put the federal court matter on hold and appeal to the Supreme Court of Canada.

Any lawyers willing to take that on?

Nope, not a single fucking lawyer wanted to look at this. Retainers for this were quoted around $20k

So in the end all of my documentation was excluded and the justice could only take into account documents that were before the MPCC and not documents that were withheld from the MPCC by the Provost Marshal. So the justice found in favour of the MPCC. The DOJ sent me a bill for about $2k for wasting their time.

In 2017, during the second CFNIS investigation into my original complaint against the babysitter, the investigator the with CFNIS let slip the existence of the court martial transcripts and the CFSIU investigation paperwork both of which heavily implicated the babysitter and both of which verified what Cunningham had told me in 2011 and that Cunningham was in a position to know exactly what he was talking about.

I started new FOIs for the CFSIU investigation paperwork and the Court Martial transcripts.

In 2018 the 2nd CFNIS investigation was concluded, so I filed a request for a MPCC review of the 2nd CFNIS investigation. The Provost Marshall objected to this.

Due to the MPCC requesting copies of the court martial transcripts and the CFSIU investigation paperwork, DND could no longer refuse to give me a copy. It took some bad publicity from David Pugliese with the Ottawa Citizen to finally get DND to cough up the documents.

What did the documents show:

The babysitter’s molestation of children is what triggered the investigation of Captain McRae
The investigation of the babysitter occurred in his family’s PMQ and was conducted by military police officers Mossman and Clark.
Much like what the babysitter’s father told me in June of 2015, the military police had received complaints from numerous parents.
The babysitter had forced anal intercourse with three 10 year old boys behind the recreation centre.
The babysitter was known to have had sex with children much younger
The babysitter was receiving psychological counselling for his attraction to young children.
It was colonel Daniel Edward Munro’s decision as to what charges Captain McRae was charged with, this shows that the summary investigation flaw in the National Defence Act had very real world consequences for child sexual abuse matters.
The court martial transcripts also proved once and for all that the Canadian Armed Forces could and would conduct courts martial for child sexual abuse matters.

The MPCC released the review in October of 2020. And they observed a few things.

The babysitter had more criminal convictions for child sexual abuse than what the CFNIS indicated in their documents to the crown.
The CFNIS relied on the Crown’s reluctance to prosecute on insufficient evidence as their being “no evidence”.
The CFNIS didn’t inform the Crown of the CFSIU paperwork that showed that there was an investigation of the babysitter at the time for sexually abusing children.
When Master Corporal Christian Cyr kept telling me on May 3rd, 2011 that the babysitter was only 12 or 13 at the time of the abuse, he was obviously getting this wrong age from the CFSIU paperwork as that is the only place the error occurs. The babysitter was born in June of 1965 and was 14 in the spring of 1980 and was fully within the jurisdiction of the RCMP and the juvenile delinquents court. But more importantly, the fact that Mcpl Cyr was quoting the wrong age showed that the CFNIS did have these documents from the start of the investigation.

It was only after I received the court martial transcripts and the CFSIU paperwork and the October 2020 MPCC findings that I was able to finally obtain a lawyer willing to take this matter on, and on a contingency basis.

But this isn’t the way that it should be.

No one in this country should have to square off against a tax payer funded agency like the Canadian Armed Force on their own.

No government agency should be allowed to use the short timelines provided by the various tribunals to stickhandle complainants.

I think the most significant reason why lawyers were willing to take on my matter so far as it related to the CFNIS and the MPCC is that these lawyers make a metric fuckton of money representing military members. When these ex-JAG lawyers represent members of the Canadian Forces, their bills are guaranteed to be paid. And paid at very well-off rates. A piss-ant civilian like me? What the fuck can I offer them?

And believe me, when you are going up against the Canadian Armed Forces, the Department of National Defence, and the MIlitary Police Complaints Commission, you need a lawyer not only with federal court experience, you need a lawyer with a very good and detailed understanding of military law and the various iterations of the National Defence Act over the years.

To this day I still get lawyers who are outright adamant that the military could never investigate child sexual abuse and the military courts sure as fuck could not conduct a courts martial for child sexual abuse. This even though I have Captain McRae’s court martial transcripts, and a good dozen decisions from the Court Martial Appeal Court of Canada in which service members were appealing their charges of child sexual abuse.

So when the military law lawyers can’t even get their shit together, what fucking chance do I stand?

None.

Does the justice system work?

Nope, it’s fucking broken.

Victims are left on their own to navigate the systems, systems that quite often do not work.

Victim rights are often an afterthought.

Legal aid for victims? Doesn’t exist.

Pro-bono assistance with federal court matters? Nope, doesn’t exist.

Civilian lawyers set up to assist civilians with navigating the Canadian Forces justice system and the peculiarities of the National Defence Act? Nope, doesn’t exist.

The fact that the babysitter doesn’t even have to apologize and in fact gets to keep playing the role of the sole victim while I’m condemned to the role of the bad guy is what irks me the most.

Car driver willfully runs a red light, causes a collision, and kills a 2 year old on the sidewalk and the judge is practically tripping over themselves to absolve the driver of any fault because the driver didn’t intend to kill the baby even though it was his foot on the accelerator and his hands on the steering wheel. And our fucked up no fault insurance system ensures that the parents are only getting about $20k for the death of their child.

Another car driver runs over and kills a police officer in Toronto and a jury of 12 people with no legal training and no legal back ground decide that a car driver shouldn’t have to be aware of their surroundings and that if someone “fears for their life” it’s okay to run anything over.

I just wish that victims had this much sympathy from the justice system.

Sure, locking up the wrong person is never a desirable outcome, but letting everyone walk because of the most tenuous of plausible arguments is absolutely wrong as well.

We seriously need to revamp the justice system.

No more jury trials. Juries should be replaced with panels of lawyers. Trials should not be left up to the whims of people with no legal understanding who are easily manipulated by the appeal to emotion. Anyone could have run over a bump on the ground……

Courts should be allowed to find guilt or assign guilt, without having to assign a sentence. If incarceration places the bar of evidence so high that the International Space Station is at risk of crashing into it, drop incarceration.

If your hands are on the steering wheel of a car that ends up running over someone, you shouldn’t be able to skip out of court scot-free.

Did my babysitter molest my brother and I and at least four other kids that I am aware of? Yes. The odds of probability lean very heavily in that direction. It’s not like I made my complaint against someone with no criminal record. And it’s not like I had access to the courts martial transcripts or the CFSIU investigation paperwork. The babysitter was under investigation for molesting children and the only reason he never went to juvie for what he did is that the base commander refused to allow the RCMP to be called in. So it wasn’t that the babysitter was innocent. Other issues at play allowed the babysitter at the time to escape responsibility. The problem with that is the Canadian Armed Forces chucked us under the fucking train.

Anyways, that’s my rant for now.

DNA

So, I bit the bullet last week and I ordered an Ancestry DNA test.

I’ve always been kinda curious about my lineage.

According to my father, I’m my Uncle Al’s son.

But then again, according to Richard I’m Bill Parker’s son.

So, it’ll be interesting to see what comes back.

There are pictures of my brother and I as kids.

He has the same skin tone and brown eyes like my grandmother.

Me?

I look like my mother, and so does my brother.

But he also looks like he has First Nations blood.

Me, not so much.

My father was a horndog that would literally fuck anything that moved.

I’ll be interested to see if I get any hits for half-brothers and half-sisters that I didn’t know about.

He was with the Royal Canadian Navy for 6 years before he remustered into the airforce after the unification of the Canadian Forces in 1968.

But even when he was with the airforce he was often away on training exercises.

So there’s no telling how many panties he dropped.

And the thing with being in the Canadian Forces back then is when he said that he was going away on training exercises, did he really go away on training exercises?

Or were his “weekend training exercises” just panty raids.

But other than discovering how far and wide my old man distributed his tadpoles, I’m really curious about the maternal side of my family.

As I’ve said previously, I more or less know about the paternal side of my family. My paternal grandmother raised my brother and I for about 6 years of our lives as kids.

I did meet my paternal grandfather, albeit only for a few weeks over the 1982 xmas holidays.

I met both of my paternal uncles, uncle Doug and uncle Norman.

I met two of my paternal grandmother’s brothers, Uncle Jimmy and Uncle Johnny.

I even met my paternal grandmother’s sister, Aunt Karen.

So far as the maternal side of my family, I only vaguely remember uncle Al. I never would see uncle Al again after my father was posted from CFB Shearwater to CFB Summerside.

It will be interesting to see what comes up.

Resting Bitch Face………

I’ve come to the realization that I suffer from a bad case of “Resting Bitch Face”.

Here’s an album of my “Resting Bitch Face” in Canada, America, and Iceland…..

What causes Resting Bitch Face?

Probably a life time of being dead on the inside.

It’s hard at work because I gotta fake a smile all the time otherwise people seem to think that I’m going to snap.

It’s not that I hate or despise perky people. I just don’t feel the need to run around all day with an insane grin on my face.

In my house there was no need to smile.

The best thing around grandma, Richard, or Sue was to just adopt a blank face.

And growing up keeping a blank face also work at school as it kept the other kids and the teachers from knowing that anything was wrong at home.

When I went to the Westfield program in Edmonton from June 1982 to March 1983 we had to talk about our “feelings”. We also had to do “temperature check” every morning before classes so that we could express our feelings and emotions.

This did not go over well with me. I hated it. I hated talking about feelings.

Richard, Grandma, and the events of CFB Namao had killed off just about every emotion that I ever had.

Even to this day the worst thing that you could do is ask me to express emotions, or talk about my feelings, of talk about personal things.

“You don’t like to talk about personal things?”

Get the fuck outta here!

What the fuck is this blog then?

This blog is therapy and a testament.

Besides, I talk about what I want to talk about when I want to talk about it.

But Bobbie, you gotta talk about your feelings if you want to get better……..

Nope.

That’s not how this works.

You don’t get to ignore the past and then wash your hands of my dysfunction by further blaming me for being me.

Don’t forget, a lot of my dysfunction didn’t come from bad personal choice. Almost all of my dysfunction can be traced back directly to bad decisions made by members of the Canadian Armed Forces.

You didn’t honestly think that what I endured wasn’t going to have an effect on me, did you?

And blaming me for the dysfunction wasn’t going to cure me.

I think that this may be one of the reasons that I embraced an eccentric manner of dressing, what I lack on the inside I cover up with nice colours, patterns, and designs on the outside.

Too little, too late

If you haven’t paid attention to the media over the last few days you missed out on some major changes coming to the Canadian Armed Forces.

The Minister of National Defence is calling for the removal of sexual assault from the purview of the Canadian Forces Military Police Group, including the Canadian Forces National Investigation Service.

The Minister is requesting that all sexual assaults that occur on Defence Establishments in Canada be investigated and prosecuted by the civilian police and the civilian justice system.

I will be very curious to see how this affects military dependents that were sexually abused on military bases in Canada, especially in the days prior to 1998.

I also wonder how this will affect pre-1998 child sexual assault investigations that rely on access to the service files of retired service personnel.

This of course is 13 years and three weeks too late to be of any benefit to me.

In my case the CFNIS, the Provost Marshal, and the Canadian Forces will always be able to say that the Military Police Complaints Commission and Federal Court justice Yves De Montigny found no issues with the 2012 MPCC investigation which in turn found no issues with the 2011 CFNIS investigation and therefore the 2011 CFNIS investigation was an example of superb police work.

That of course only works so long as the CFNIS, the Provost Marshal, and the Canadian Forces forget to tell the Canadian public that they willingly withheld from the Military Police Complaints Commission and ultimately Federal Court Justice Yves De Montigny the fact that the CFNIS in 2011 had in their possession the 1980 CFSIU investigation paperwork, and the 1980 Court Martial transcripts that show that it was the babysitter’s abuse of young children that brought him to the attention of the base military police and that this subsequently brought Captain Father Angus McRae to the attention of the CFSIU which found that McRae had been molesting well over 25 children on the base and that McRae had been obfuscating this abuse by administering alcohol to the children that he was abusing in the rectory of the chapel.

I also like the fact that the Minister of National Defence is willing to expand those who can make interference complaints to the Military Police Complaints Commission. Up to now the only persons who can make complaints are the investigators with the military police or the CFNIS. But if your superior gives you a “lawful command” is that really interference?

https://www.canada.ca/en/department-national-defence/news/2024/03/introduction-of-the-military-justice-system-modernization-act.html

Interests.

In this video I talk interests.

I’ve had interests in life. But they were always the wrong interests and I had these interests for all of the wrong reasons.

I wish that things in life had been different when I was a kid.

But they weren’t, so I can only live in the shadows of the aftermath and the destruction.

A touchy subject.

Because I wish to obtain Medical Assistance in Dying and because I post about it on social media, the algorithms keep filling my feed with posts that deal with M.A.i.D.

There are those who are convinced that the government’s intention with M.A.i.D. is to save money on mental health treatment by forcing people with mental illness to undergo M.A.i.D. instead of living on social assistance.

Others are convinced that the government is going to send white vans around in the cities of Canada to euthanize the homeless and the elderly.

One of the major problems that mental health care faces in Canada is that our general population is overwhelmed by American media. American media is dangerous in the fact that it pushes an imaginary economic reality that does not exist. Americans believe in low, low, low taxes. Which is why they have massive infrastructure problems, crappy schools, non-existent social safety nets, and almost non-existent health care. That, and America’s defence spending is completely out of control.

Fellow Canadians see the low taxes that Americans pay, and so they demand from our governments that we pay the same stupidly low taxes up here as they do down there.

Which is why our health care is crumbling. Which is why mental health care is almost non-existent. And which is why mental illness is vilified as being due to laziness and poor personal choices.

America has had homeless mentally ill people wandering the streets and living in tents on the street for years, like since back in the ’70s and ’80s. And this problem is coming up to Canada.

American style austerity is a cancer.

But Canadians love their low, low taxes and their cheap imported goods, so don’t look for any kind of funding increases any time soon.

A lot of disabled rights groups and mental health rights groups want mental illness yanked as one of the criteria for being able to access Medical Assistance in Dying.

But the problem with doing so is that you deny people such as me the right to end our lives as we see fit. You also ensure that I suffer mental pain for 10, 20, or even 30 more years.

Better mental health funding wouldn’t have done anything for me. As I’ve said before, I was a “dirty little secret” and my lack of mental health treatment was due to the desire for secrets to be kept from the Canadian public. No amount of public mental health funding was going to change that.

And having the government of Canada rescind the right of Canadians such as myself to avail ourselves to a humane and painless death at the time of our choosing isn’t going to increase the funding for mental health treatment and housing for persons with mental illness.

To get Canada on track again, Canadians would have to eschew American style disaster capitalism and embrace full democratic socialism. Canadians would have to learn to understand that higher taxes do lead to overall better outcomes as any of the Nordic or Scandinavian countries can attest.

But changes like that would take years, especially when you consider how much money American right wing think tanks pump into Canada on a yearly basis to try to convert us into a mini-USA.

I don’t know what the solution is for the time being.

As I’ve said, I make my application in March of this year. Hopefully I get my two assessments by no later than July. So hopefully I can undergo my procedure and cease living sometime in December of 2024 or early 2025.

I don’t want to be forced to suffer as a casualty in someone else’s war.

Banning M.A.i.D. for mental illness isn’t going to cause 500k new low income houses to be built.

Banning M.A.i.D. for mental illness isn’t going to cause 500k new assisted living homes to be built.

Banning M.A.i.D. for mental illness isn’t going to give those living with disabilities or mental illness $100k in yearly income assistance.

But banning M.A.i.D. for mental illness will prolong the suffering that persons like me have to endure, and I would envision that it would increase the number of suicide attempts and suicides as persons try to escape their pain and torment.

I don’t envy the struggle the mental health and disability advocates face, but please don’t fuck with my ability to die peacefully and painlessly.

Getting close

My journey towards death keeps progressing.

I really was hoping to do more videos and blogs, but at this point in my life I am a one topic person.

And it’s not like this was the easiest story to find out.

The vast majority of it, in fact well over 90% of it had remained hidden from me all of these years.

I was the homosexual, I was the pervert, I ruined everything.

Do you understand how fucking mind destroying it was to discover the truth in August of 2011?

Discover that everything that I had known up to that point in time was an absolute lie?

I suffered so much.

Even though I had been diagnosed with major depression, severe anxiety, and a host of other mental health issues, I was never allowed to receive treatment.

Instead I’d be on the receiving end of my father’s mental and physical abuse and my stepmother’s mental and physical abuse.

Even when my mental health had deteriorated to the point that my civilian social workers were calling for me to first be placed in a psychiatric facility for children, and then removed from the home for my own welfare, those options were denied to me.

So, I suffered alone through grade school and junior high school.

Always getting picked on.

Always getting beat up.

I was an easy target for sexual abuse as what happened with the babysitter was obviously my fault, so any older man who wanted to sleep with me while I lived on Canadian Forces Base Downsview in Toronto was obviously my fault, right?

I asked for it. I mean I obviously asked the babysitter to molest me and my brother, so I must have been asking for what happened in Toronto.

Even when I was just about 16 and I nearly got strangled in High Park, I never said anything as it was obviously my fault.

I was forever hesitant to bring up the topic of Earl as I was sure that no one would believe me and that my own father would blame. During Earl’s criminal trial his defence counsel tried to imply that because I was over the age of 14 that everything had been consensual.

When I dropped out of school back in 1987, it wasn’t because I was having major difficulty with major depression or severe anxiety or because I had a “funny walk” or because I was an obvious faggot because I didn’t like girls. Nope, I dropped out of school because I was a lazy self centred asshole who thought of no one put himself.

Two years later when Mr. Bowles, Mr. Ford, and Mr. Aitken wrote letters to the North York Board of Education vouching for me to allow me to enter the Alternative and Independent Study Program (AISP) Richard didn’t give a shit. He said that if I wanted to live under his roof I had to go to a “real” school and fucking sit there, stare at the blackboard, and take some “fucking basket weaving courses”.

I ended up having to move out and quit school for the second time when I refused to leave AISP and go to a “normal school”.

See, what I was enduring from my father wasn’t just neglect. It wasn’t just physical abuse. It was mental destruction.

I had fucked with Richard’s career goals, and I was going to pay the fucking price.

It was my fault that I couldn’t keep the babysitter’s hands of my brother’s body.

Me? I was a homosexual so no wonder I allowed the babysitter to molest me.

It was my fault that Richard and Sue had to move into the PMQ with us on Canadian Forces Base Namao even through Richard was more than happy living off base with Susan.

It was my fault we moved from Canadian Forces Base Namao to Canadian Forces Base Griesbach.

It was my fault that we became involved with the military social worker in October of 1980.

It was my fault that we became involved with Alberta Social Services in November of 1981.

It was my fault that we had to move to Canadian Forces Base Downsview in Ontario in April of 1983 to avoid my apprehension by Alberta Social Services. This of course ruined Richard’s plans so far as being a Boeing VTOL factory trained maintenance technician on the CH-147 Chinooks.

So, it’s not that Richard didn’t care or give a shit.

Richard was actively seeking retribution.

And I was going to pay the fucking price for what I had done.

It’s not just the never ending depression that I have to deal with.

It’s not the never ending anxiety.

It’s the memories of back then.

It’s Captain Totzke telling me that I was a homosexual.

It’s Captain Totzke telling me that I’d end up in prison.

It’s Captain Totzke telling me that I was going to be just like the babysitter.

It’s Captain Totzke telling me and my father that sports were not an option for me as I’d be sexually aroused by naked boys in the change room.

It’s my father telling me that I couldn’t go swimming because there’d be naked boys in the change room and that I wouldn’t be able to control myself.

It’s the memories of pissing the bed and going to school smelling like piss.

It’s the memories of sitting in school on CFB Griesbach and being able to run my hands through my hair and having clumps of hair come out.

It’s the memories of having to play outside in the Edmonton winters with clothing that was not even suitable for spring.

The physical and mental abuse at the hands of my grandmother, my father, and Sue don’t help much either.

I think the real final nail in my coffin so-to-speak was the sham 2011 CFNIS investigation which “couldn’t find any evidence that the babysitter was capable of what I accused him of” even though the CFNIS had the 1980 CFSIU DS-120-10-80 investigation paperwork that literally backed up everything I had said about Captain McRae and the babysitter.

As you can see, there’s more to my desire of death than just some silly little bit of depression.

It’s no big secret.

(( I will preface this post by stating that I am not speaking in an official capacity for my employer, Providence Health Care)))

If you’ve paid attention to the news over the last little while you’ll be familiar with the fact that St. Paul’s Hospital does not offer Medical Assistance in Dying on the premisses due to the fact that Providence Health Care is a Christian faith based organization.

Bobbie, you’re an atheist, how can you work there?

The same way all the other employees that follow different religions and faiths do.

Due to media attention that was generated over the transfer of end-of-life patients to other non-Catholic facilities to obtain their M.A.i.D. procedure, the Ministry of Health was being called upon to take action.

And action they did, they sat down with Providence and came to an agreement.

M.A.i.D. will still not be provided at St. Paul’s Hospital.

However, M.A.i.D. will be provided in a brand new facility being built directly adjacent to the hospital.

So far what I know is that the new building will not physically touch the Providence buildings, but will be close enough that a small walkway will connect the new facility to the Providence 2 building.

The new building will belong to and will be operated by Vancouver Coastal Health.

Patients at St. Paul’s who are requesting medical assistance in dying will be “transferred” from the care of St. Paul’s to the care of the VCH M.A.i.D. program.

I know more or less the exact location of this new building.

I know that it is supposed to be in full operation by the summer of 2024.

The oddly interesting thing about where this facility is going is that it is being connected to the Providence II building where the Providence IV building was supposed to connect. Due to the government in the ’80s and ’90s failing to provide the required funding, only half of the modern St. Paul’s Providence buildings were built.

Providence 1 was built, the funding fell through for Providence 2 so Providence 2 was built in two stages. Parking levels P2 to 1st floor. 2nd floor to 10th floor came a year or two later. However Providence 3 and Providence 4 were never built.

Will I obtain my M.A.i.D. procedure there?

Nope.

First, I believe that the M.A.i.D. facility will only be available for patients on site.

Second, this would terrorize my co-workers.

I once joked with the chief pathologist on site that I wanted my autopsy done on site……. the replied “Don’t even joke about that. I wouldn’t let my staff do an autopsy on someone they knew”.

With the exception of one electrician, no one at work knows what I’ve gone through and no one except for that same electrician knows that I wish to avail myself to M.A.i.D.

As I’ve said, I have two options.

One option is to arrange to donate my organs, in which case my procedure will occur in a hospital like Vancouver General where my corpse can be taken to an operating room immediately after my death so that my organs can be harvested.

The other option that I have, and this is the one that I am favouring, is to have my M.A.i.D. procedure take place in a funeral home.

This would be the easiest for me to set up. A one stop shop if you will.

Put to sleep

Store my corpse for the required 48 hours.

Cremate my corpse.

As of today it is 14 weeks and 5 days until I see my doctor to make my formal application for M.A.i.D.

I don’t seem my two assessments as being completed before anytime before June or July of 2024.

After that comes the 90 day cooling down period.

Then comes the prescription.

The prescription for M.A.i.D. is apparently valid for 1 year.

I don’t think I’d want to linger for the full year.

I’ll definitely want to take some time off work, not too long, maybe about 6 months.

And then I’d like to undergo my procedure.

In the meantime the new M.A.i.D. facility will be in operation.

Ssssshhhhhh…….

Okay, so it’s been suggested to me to not publish anything at this moment that speaks directly to the class action or the subject of the class action as it has entered a critical phase.

I watched a movie yesterday on Netflix titled “The Luckiest Girl Alive”.

The film centres around an adult woman who is trying to make the perfect life for herself in order to hide her past.

Her past involves surviving a school shooting with allegations that she may have been involved with the shooting.

As the story progresses we learn that just prior to the school shooting she had been raped by three of the popular boys. During the shooting two of the boys are killed and one boy survives but is paralyzed.

At the time of the rape the girl was blamed for being assaulted with her own mother hinting that her own daughter was loose.

The school didn’t want anything to proceed legally.

And in the aftermath of the shooting, the paralyzed boy was looked upon with sympathy from the community and it appears that in order to scuttle any chance of the girl ever bringing rape charges against the boy and ruining his new found stardom, it was leaked to the community that she was implicated in the shooting.

In the end, everything unravels, as an adult she is able to get the paralyzed boy to confess to the fact the he did rape her.

This movie, along with “unbelievable” have a somewhat bittersweet taste for me.

Whereas the female characters in these two films receive their justice at the end of the film, there won’t be any such thing for me.

The babysitter will always be the innocent little angel.

I will forever be the homosexual pervert that allowed the babysitter to do what he did to myself and my brother.

When I talked with the babysitter’s father in 2015, he absolutely loved his son. He blamed himself for what his son had done.

My father threw me under the fucking train. No matter how bad my mental health issues were and no matter how bad the trauma had fucked me up, it was my fault.