It’s 6 months and 24 days before I learn what the future holds for the possibility of my fate.
Am I able to humanely end my suffering?
Or due to a cruel twist of fate will I be sentenced to endure mental suffering for the rest of my days?
I’ve got my fingers crossed, but at the same time I’m not going to get my hopes up too high knowing first hand how quickly the government back-tracked in March of this year and chickened out and backed down in the face of right-wing-christofascist who launched a well orchestrated Astroturf campaign using disabled people as disposable props in their theatre of compassion.
I know that the DOJ, the DND, and the CAF are following my blogs. The lawyers for the DOJ said as much during one of our initial meetings two years ago.
Do I care?
Nope.
Sure, the DOJ, the DND, and the CAF may be using my desire for death and the potential for MAiD for SUMC of Mental Illness being allowed in March of 2024 as a reason to delay this matter. But I don’t care.
The lawyers have more than enough information to keep this matter going after my death.
The DOJ, the DND, and the CAF may outlast me, but they won’t outlast all of the victims of Captain McRae or the other catholic clergy that served on various chapels on the bases across Canada.
Anyways, here’s this week’s podcast.
I really wish I could keep up with these, but the depression kills. It stops me dead in my tracks.
I think there are two main reasons as to why the CFNIS refused to bring any type of charge against the babysitter in 2011.
The Summary Investigation Flaw, and the Three Year Time Bar.
Both of these flaws were removed from the National Defence Act in 1998 with the passing of Bill C-25.
These two flaws would have conspired to prevent the CFNIS from laying charges against Captain McRae.
However, the babysitter wouldn’t have enjoyed the protection of the National Defence act and he could be charged for his crimes.
And this would have been a public relations nightmare for the Canadian Forces. Imagine not being able to charge the man that was ultimately responsible for destroying so many young lives on so many bases, where as his teenaged accomplice could be charged.
In this Podcast I talk a little bit about the CFNIS investigation back in 2011 and how the 1980 CFSUI investigation paperwork and the 1980 Court Martial transcripts show that the entire March to October 2011 CFNIS investigation and the July 2015 to July 2018 CFNIS investigations were nothing more than works of fiction that were designed to never bring charges against the babysitter from Canadian Forces Base Namao.
And no, the CFNIS didn’t do this to protect the babysitter.
The CFNIS did this to protect the Canadian Armed Forces.
And the sad thing is that the CFNIS would have gotten away with this had Master Corporal Christian Cyr not shared with me on May 3rd, 2011 information that could have only come from the 1980 CFSIU investigation paperwork and the 1980 Courts Martial transcripts.
If Mcpl Cyr had kept his knowledge of this paperwork to himself, I never would have discovered the whole sordid truth.
So, in a way I guess I owe Mcpl Cyr a debt of gratitude for pulling the curtains back and exposing the truth about 1980 and about how the Canadian Armed Forces willing threw a bunch of children under the bus to save their public image.
This is the type of response that I’ve encountered when trying to obtain help with the topic of child sexual abuse in the Canadian Armed Forces.
When I started off on this journey back in 2011 I was shortly thereafter given the name of a lawyer from Ontario who had experience taking on the Catholic Church and reaching settlements with the church to compensate the victims of child sexual abuse committed by members of the Catholic Clergy.
This lawyer wouldn’t commit to helping me in my matter.
Why not?
As it turns out he was a member of the Canadian Forces reserves.
I guess he didn’t want to make a bad name for himself in the reserves.
This wasn’t the only lawyer to balk at getting involved with thus matter.
There were three ex-jags who now practice military law in private practice.
Nope. Child sexual abuse in the Canadian Forces was something they were not getting themselves involved with.
Well, no one will ever convince me any differently now.
If I had a vagina between my legs and the other kids from CFB Namao had vaginas between their legs it’s very, very obvious that the CBC and most other Canadian media would have handled our story and the story of the more than 25 male children from Canadian Forces Base Namao a lot differently.
And as per Captain McRae’s court martial transcripts, and as per his signed confession during his ecclesiastical trial in front of the Archdiocese of Edmonton, Captain McRae molested kids not only on Canadian Forces Base Namao, but also on Canadian Forces Station Holberg, Canadian Forces Base Portage La Prairie, and Canadian Forces Base Kingston.
As it is, the CBC’s outright refusal to look at the events surrounding Captain Father Angus McRae and his 15 year old accomplice shows that the CBC doesn’t consider male child sexual assault to be as serious or as damaging as female sexual assault.
I’ve been dealing with the CBC since 2012.
The only person at the CBC to have shown the slightest in interest was Jenn Blair.
Jenn had a camera operator over to my place to record an interview.
What I didn’t know and what I hadn’t been told was that Jenn was temporary.
Shortly after the interview Jenn was replaced by Rachel Ward.
Rachel scrapped the entire interview. She had an idea. Her idea was that instead of a televised news story, my story could be told via a “timeline” that would be on the CBC Go Public website that people could click on if they were interested.
Rachel just wasn’t that interested.
I told Rachel about MP Randall Garrison, who was the co-chair of the Parliamentary Standing Committee on National Defence, and that he had agreed to ask Lt. Gen. Christine Whitecross during a Standing Committee hearing, who was responsible for investigating matters of child sexual abuse on the bases in Canada.
Rachel told me to call her as soon as I found out.
Randall’s office called me the moment the hearings had concluded to let me know that Randall had asked the question and that I needed to watch the video of the hearings.
Lt. Gen. Christine Whitecross said during the hearing that matters of child sexual abuse are always handed off to the outside civilian authorities. So why were the Canadian Forces National Investigations Service and the Provost Marshal so hellbent on retaining a 35 year old child sexual abuse matter?
So, as per Rachel’s instructions I called her. Got a message saying that the subscriber hadn’t set up their voicemail. I called the Calgary office number that she had called me from. No answer, no voice mail. So I dialled some random numbers by changing the last two digits. End up getting some guy from a video booth. He couldn’t say that he had heard of Rachel, but he checked the internal directory for me. Nope, her name wasn’t showing up. He ended up transferring me to a woman who said she thought that Rachel worked out of the Calgary studio, but that she didn’t really have a landline.
Rachel called a few days later in a huff wanting to know what was so important. I told her that Randall had asked the question about jurisdiction of the military police for child sexual abuse matter and that Lt. Gen. Christine Whitecross had said that the the military police always hand child sexual abuse matters to the outside civilian authorities.
“Look, just because he said that is what she said doesn’t mean that is what she actually said”.
I told her that this was an official session of the Standing Committee on National Defence, that it had been video recorded, and that it was available to view on Parliament’s website.
“I’m busy with other stories right now, I can’t just drop everything that I’m doing to deal with your story”.
I didn’t want to believe it at the time, but I do believe it now.
Had I had a vagina between my legs, the media would have been tripping over themselves to look at child sexual abuse on the Canadian Forces Bases in Canada.
As it is, I have a penis between my legs. And everyone knows, especially the CBC, that people with penises between their legs can’t be sexually abused, they can only be sexual abusers. Because a person with a penis between their legs can’t get pregnant from a sexual assault it’s not really a sexual assault, now is it?
It’s just like what Captain Terry Totzke said to me back in 1980. An 8 year old boy being penetrated by a 15 year old boy and also being abused by a 50 something year old military chaplain happened because I had a mental illness called “homosexuality”. If I didn’t have “homosexuality”, then it wouldn’t have happened.
Realizing that Canadian media was not ever going to be interested in this story I contacted the International Consortium of Investigative Journalists (ICIJ)
The ICIJ put me in contact with a member named Frederic Zalac.
Frederic as it turned out is a reporter with the CBC.
Not interested in the slightest. No criminal charges. I didn’t have the names of the other victims.
And now I have 100% irrefutable proof that the CBC deals with sexual assaults differently depending on the junk between a victim’s legs.
“CBC Investigates”.
Well fuck me gently.
The CBC told me time and time again that without criminal charges, there would be no story. That without statements from other victims willing to go on camera, there would be no story. That I had to find the other victims.
Well, in my case the military justice system wasn’t able to find any evidence to indicate the babysitter was capable of what I accused him of. This even though as it turns out the CFNIS in 2011 had the 1980 CFSIU investigation paperwork and the 1980 Court Martial transcripts that indicate that it was very well known by the base military police, the CFSIU, and the court martial panel, what the babysitter had been doing to young children on base and that it was this molestation of young children on the base that resulted in the prosecution of Captain McRae.
Could the military police be in conflict of interest?
Two retired Supreme Court of Canada justices seem to think so.
An initial investigation…… The CBC had the ability to track a victim down without even knowing their name, but the CBC tells me they can’t investigate my story because tracking names isn’t their job.
Bobbie, unless the other victims are willing to go on the record, this story isn’t going to go too far.
I guess that women are more delicate than men and that men in today’s “macho” society are supposed to be okay with having their names associated with what was until recently considered to be “acts of homosexuality”.
Yep, that’s what it was called back in 1980 when a 50 something year old officer of the Canadian Armed Forces and his teenaged accomplice are investigated for sexually assaulting young prepubescent boys. “Acts of homosexuality”. That’s why I got my conversion therapy from Captain Totzke. That’s why Captain Totzke was adamant that I was a homosexual.
I know where the man who was not only my babysitter, but who was also the accomplice who took me to the chapel to be abused by captain McRae, and who subsequently pimped me out to some random stranger in the sauna at the base swimming pool. He lives in Fort Erie Ontario.
The man who was my primary abuser has a extensive criminal record involving children: 1982 – charged and convicted for molesting a young boy north of CFB Petawawa 1984 – charged and convicted for molesting an 8 year old boy around CFB Winnipeg. 1985 – charge and convicted for molesting a 9 year old boy on CFB Namao and a 13 year old newspaper boy in the west side of Edmonton. 1986 – 2000 Various charges from Buggery to Assault and Robbery. 2015 – 2x sexual assault, 1X forcible confinement
But Bobbie, we can’t just contact this guy and make accusations against him! That wouldn’t be right!
According to retired warrant officer Frederic R. Cunningham, “the brass” wouldn’t allow the Canadian Forces Special Investigation unit nor the Canadian Forces Military Police to call in the Royal Canadian Mounted Police to deal with the babysitter. In May of 1980 the investigators with the CFSIU were told to lie about the age of the babysitter and record that he was only 12 years old. The babysitter was born on June 20th, 1965.
I wasn’t “slut shamed”. I was “homosexual shamed”. I received 2-1/2 years of conversion therapy from Captain Terry Totzke for the homosexuality I had exhibited when I frequently had sex with the babysitter.
Yes, for the 1 millionth time, I understand that CFAO 19-20 would not have applied directly to me as I was not a member of the Canadian Armed Forces. However, my social worker, military officer Captain Terry Totzke would have been very well aware of this. His training as provided by the Canadian Forces would have trained him and instructed him that males having sexual intercourse with other males was wrong and was ultimately a sign of an underlying mental illness. The fact that I was an 8 year old boy with nary a hair between his legs didn’t make a difference. I had allowed a boy twice my age, and on more than one occasion , to put his fingers and his penis into my ass. It doesn’t get more homosexual than that.
I met a couple of other victims via the face book groups. But most people who had a rough life growing up on base stay away from the base brat groups. If it wasn’t for me wanting to seek justice for what had happened on CFB Namao from 1978 until 1980 and then on CFB Griesbach from 1980 until 1983 I never would have joined facebook.
Advocating for change within the defence community is a non-starter as the defence community won’t even acknowledge this. In 2016 during a meeting with then Minister of National Defence Harjit Sajjan, Minister Sajjan accused me of “playing games” and “having an angle” insinuating that I was just trying to score some easy money from the military.
I had sent communications to current Minister of National Defence Anita Anand. I’ve never received any response. Not even after the Military Police Complaints Commission released their report in 2020 that found ample evidence that the CFNIS in 2011 knew about the babysitter’s criminal history on CFB Namao as the CFNIS had the 1980 CFSIU and 1980 Court Martial transcripts.
There is no support available for former former military dependants who were sexually abused on base and then fucked over by the defective military justice system. The DND and the CAF have no legal obligations to military dependents living on defence establishments, no matter the source of their injuries.
Civilian support services just roll their eyes when you try to explain what happened on the bases. The provinces in general consider what happened on base to be a federal matter, not a provincial matter.
An investigative podcast and two feature stories, man I wish I was this lucky.
People often wonder if I really want to undergo M.A.i.D.. or if I’m just claiming to want to do so as a means of getting attention.
I grew up in a dysfunctional military family in which my father used his postings to stay one step ahead of provincial social services.
I was sexually abused for 1-1/2 years starting at age 7.
From age 9 to age 11 I received what amounted to “conversion therapy” from a Canadian Forces military social worker.
As this social worker was a captain and my father was a master corporal my father placed special emphasis on what this social worker had to say.
I was raised by a grandmother who had survived Indian residential school and had the emotional damage and the alcoholism that came with having gone through Indian Residential School.
My father was just as emotionally damaged as his mother and was a piss-tank alcoholic just like his mother.
My father, unable and unwilling to accept responsibility for his two sons being sexually abused in his house while being raised by his own mother blamed me instead for the abuse my younger brother went through.
Even though just months after the abuse came to a screeching halt I had been diagnosed with major depression, severe anxiety, haphephobia, and an intense fear of men, Captain Totzke never seemed to follow through with treatments for me.
According to my social service records, when Alberta Social Services wanted to pull me from my father’s home and place me into residential care or foster care, Captain Totzke appears to have helped with my father obtaining a posting out of the jurisdiction of Alberta.
I was left to suffer all alone for all of these years with gender confusion, fear of sex, fear of men, untreated major depression, untreated severe anxiety, haphephobia, etc.
Yes, I really do want to undergo M.A.i.D..
There’s nothing left to fix.
I’m tired, my brain is burnt out, and it really is time to go.
Okay, depression is clearing so I thought that I would make some videos before the depression comes back. Gotta be quick.
So, here are some videos that I made yesterday.
I might even have enough energy and enough nerves to do some more today.
Richard the Misogynist
To say that my father Richard was a misogynist would have been an understatement. Of all of the traits that I may have picked up from my father, thankfully his misogyny and hatred of women wasn’t one of them.
Many other reasons for M.A.i.D.
People keep fixating on the sexual abuse at the hands of the babysitter as my reasons for desiring to end my life via M.A.i.D..
This of course ignores the professional malpractice I endured at the hands of Canadian Forces military social worker Captain Terry Totzke. Professional malpractice that denied me treatment for major depression, severe anxiety, and haphephobia. Professional malpractice that also interfered with my safety and wellbeing. Professional malpractice that caused me to have life long issues with sexual identity.
There are many more reasons for why I would like to be put to sleep. The year and a half of sexual abuse is only a part of the equation.
Why is death the only appropriate answer?
Why do I view my death as the only appropriate answer?
It’s quite simple. I don’t want a chemical lobotomy. I also don’t want to be blamed for not “trying hard enough”.
The damage is done.
My Class Action
Not really too much to say in this one.
The Department of Justice is a massive organization with more money and more lawyers than the law firm representing me could ever dream of having access to.
The goal of the DOJ is to work out a settlement that will allow the DND and the CAF to look like the heroes while not admitting that children were fucked over by the defective and easily manipulated pre-1998 military justice system.
The DOJ has already tried arguing that the DND and the CAF shouldn’t be responsible for the victims of Captain McRae’s teenaged accomplice. That the DND and the CAF should only be responsible for the children abused by Captain McRae himself. The problem with this is that even though the original CFSIU investigation into Captain McRae was well aware of numerous victims of Captain McRae and his teenaged accomplice, at least 25 according to the father of the teenaged accomplice, the chain of command interfered with the CFSIU investigation and limited the charges against Captain McRae to only those involving Captain McRae’s teenaged accomplice.
In a nutshell, under the DOJ’s argument, only the teenaged accomplice would receive any funds or acknowledgement from the DOJ, the CAF, and the DND.
Beeshive 