Canadian Armed Forces – Page 14

An utterly pointless existence.

Just spent the last three days sleeping in for the most part.

I know that it’s so very hard for you the reader to understand just how fucking hard it is to keep staying alive.

About the only thing that keeps me going is the minuscule possibility that I might be able to clear my name before I die.

My childhood was a disaster, not just because of a child predator named Angus McRae who was a member of the regular forces as a Captain, and not just because of the teens that he groomed to molest children and trained those teens to bring young children over to the base chapel.

No, my life was ruined by mostly men in the Canadian Armed Forces and the Department of National Defence who decided that my mental health and the mental health of the other children molested on various Canadian Armed Forces Bases was worth far less than the prestige, honour, and reputation of the military.

Master Corporal Richard Wayne Gill
Warrant Officer Fredrick R. Cunningham
Captain David Pilling
Captain Terry Totzke
Colonel Daniel Edward Munro
Minister of National Defence Gilles Lamontagne
And many other useful idiots “just following commands”

The Canadian Armed Forces and the Department of National Defence know how to manipulate public opinion. DND and the CAF have an extensive “Public Relations” department that knows how to manipulate useful idiots into projecting the image of the Canadian Armed Forces as being infallible and beyond reproach.

And no, this isn’t just a distant event. In the modern day the Canadian Armed Forces and the Department of National Defence have sections that engage in social media. The MPCC noted in their 2020 report that the DND and the CAF are well aware of my blog postings and my social media presence.

And yes, the Department of Justice is actually following along with my blog.

In May of 2011 the Canadian Forces National Investigation Service told the Royal Canadian Mounted Police that my case was likely to go no where due to a complete lack of evidence. This was two months before the CFNIS would talk to other victims or try to track down the perpetrator.

Of course we’d learn in 2020 that the Canadian Forces National Investigation Service had in its possession since the beginning of the investigation in March of 2011 the 1980 Canadian Forces Special Investigations Unit paperwork and the July 1980 courts martial transcripts, both of which heavily implicated the babysitter as it was his abuse of young children on the base that brought him to the attention of the base military police.

When the CFNIS submitted their brief to the Alberta Crown in October of 1980 they forgot to tell the crown about the dysfunctional household I was living in, the fact that the babysitter was investigated for molesting children in 1980, and that the babysitter was receiving psychological counselling for his attraction to young children. The CFNIS also forgot to mention to the Alberta Crown that I had tried to report the babysitter twice before to the military police but that the military police took no action.

More alarming is that the CFNIS submitted to the Alberta Crown an absolute fabrication. And no doubt that the Department of Justice has latched on to this fabrication. The fabrication? On May 3rd, 2011 I was contacted by Mcpl Christian Cyr of the CFNIS. Cyr tried and tried and tried to get me to believe that the babysitter was only 12 or 13 years old in the spring of 1980. The babysitter was born on June 20th, 1965.

More damning than that was the fact that Cyr literally dropped a bombshell on me. He asked me point blank if I remembered anything about the base chaplain having been charged with molesting children during the time that I was accusing the babysitter of abusing me and he implied that maybe I was confusing things insinuating that maybe I was making this story up for easy money.

When I regained my composure I told Cyr about the 5 visits to the chapel in which the babysitter escorted me over. I told him I remembered the activities we’d do in the living quarters, and that the visits always ended with me being given a “sickly sweet grape juice”.

I would learn later that the CFNIS would imply to other victims that I was a “societal malcontent with an axe to grind against the Canadian Armed Forces” and that I couldn’t hold jobs and that I frequently bounced around in my employment.

When I made my application to Federal Court in 2013 and I was given a copy of the certified tribunal records I was gob smacked to discover that “Cyr” had made an entry into the Security and Military Police Information System database (SAMPIS) that indicated that I remembered various visits in which the babysitter escorted me over to the base chapel “but that nothing sexual ever occurred”. “Cyr” removed any mention of an intoxicating substance as the CFSIU investigation paperwork and the courts martial transcripts would indicate that McRae was known to be giving the children alcohol. I use “Cyr” in this instance in quotes because at the time in 2011 the SAMPIS database had one massively horrific flaw. Superiors could make any edits to any entry that existed in SAMPIS. Sure, SAMPIS would log who made the changes, but SAMPIS would not retain the previous version of the edited item, nor would SAMPIS log the changes made.

In the modern day the Canadian Forces National Investigation Service and the Department of Justice will strive to portray me as an out of control lunatic just looking for quick bucks. The rational for this opinion will be the findings of the 2012 and 2018 MPCC reviews of the 2011 and 2015 investigations. The Department of Justice will go out of its way to downplay the fact that the Canadian Forces Provost Marshal determines what evidence will and will not be presented to the Military Police Complaints Commission and that the MPCC cannot subpoena documents from the CFNIS nor the MPCC.

The Canadian Armed Forces, with the assistance of the Department of Justice are very adept at keeping the truth hidden from the outside world.

I still like to think that in 2019 the Military Police Complaints Commission realized just how fucking badly the Canadian Forces Provost Marshal lied to MPCC . I think this is why the MPCC went out of their way to verify that the CFNIS knew the truth about the babysitter and the extent of Captain McRae’s abuse of children on the base.

Harjit Sajjan was more than happy to fight me to deny me access to the 1980 records. Sajjan only relented once the MPCC confirmed that the CFNIS and the Provost Marshal both knew about the truth from 1980 and actively hid the truth from me and from the Alberta Crown prosecutor.

And no, this shit hasn’t changed to this day. The Canadian Forces Provost Marshal is still actively denying and hiding documents from the Military Police Complaints Commission.

And the really aggravating matter is the fact that the Department of Justice actually wants to rely on the 1980 CFSIU investigation paperwork, the 2011 CFNIS investigation, and the 2015 CFNIS investigation to determine who was a victim and who wasn’t.

In 1980 it was Colonel Daniel Edward Munro, the base commander of Canadian Forces Base Namao that would determine to not call the RCMP in to deal with the babysitter and would not allow charges to proceed that involved children under the age of 14 so that the military could retain jurisdiction for this matter.

Remember, under the pre-1998 NDA Summary Investigation Flaw, it was the commanding officer of the accused that determined which charges their subordinate would face and which charges would be dropped. The provincial crown prosecutor would only become involved AFTER the commanding officer approved the charges and then allowed them to flow into the civilian justice system.

Both the 2011 and 2015 investigations had the 1980 CFSIU investigation paperwork and the 1980 courts martial transcripts in their possession. The 2011 CFNIS investigation ignored my social service records, and various information that I sent to the CFNIS related to the visits to the chapel.

So yeah, this is why I’m fucking tired.

And no, there is no recovering from this.

My father is long dead, he’ll never apologize for the living hell that he subjected my brother and I to in the silence of the military housing on base.

My brother will never get to hear anyone from the Canadian Armed Forces apologize, and my brother will never see that I wasn’t lying about what the babysitter did and that I didn’t “let” or “allow” the babysitter to do what he did.

Daniel Edward Munro will never explain why he did what he did.

The DOJ will go to bat for the babysitter in their portrayal of him as an innocent little angel.

The DOJ will never apologize for learning the entire truth about Captain McRae and his teenage accomplice in 2014 but instead using the absurd and byzantine laws crafted by the Government of Canada that allow agencies like the Canadian Forces to hide and bury the truth.

And no one from the Canadian Forces National Investigation Service will ever have to apologize for lying to me, lying to others about me, lying to the RCMP about me, and making false accusations against me.

Yep, I’m tired.

Shit that I can do.

Here’s one of my problems. And this problem irks me to no end.

I’m too stupid to be smart, and I’m too smart to be stupid.

In case you think differently, where you end up in life is wholly determined by where you start off in life. Anybody who tells you any different isn’t living in reality.

Anyone who grew up in a dysfunctional family and I mean a really dysfunctional family should be lucky to find basic stable employment.

If you didn’t grow up on military bases in Canada where dysfunctional families were shielded from civilian social services by the military’s wall of secrecy you have nothing to say on this matter.

How dysfunctional was my family? My alcoholic rage prone father brought his own alcoholic rage prone mother into the military housing on base to raise my brother and I as his physical abuse, mental abuse, and drinking was too much for our mother to handle.

My father tried to blame my mental health issues on his own mother. He told Alberta Social Services that my difficulties came from his “authoritarian mother, who was an alcoholic, and who was extremely cruel to his children”.

My issues at the time were not caused by my grandmother, nor my piss tank alcoholic father.

No, my severe depression and my major anxiety were caused by the two years of sexual abuse on Canadian Forces Base Namao.

The “counselling” that I received from Canadian Armed Forces social worker Captain Terry Totzke absolutely amplified and made my issues much worse, considering that my father, due to the chain of command, was expected to not question Captain Totzke’s treatment methods, such as blaming the sexual abuse I endured on CFB Namao as a result of some sort of “homosexuality” that I had exhibited.

And also Totzke’s refusal to let me receive treatment for major depression and severe anxiety really didn’t help the situation much either.

As I mentioned elsewhere, my father was heavily into electronics and computers. So much so that he always had work benches in the basements of the different PMQs that we lived in. He also always had subscriptions to Popular Electronics, Radio Electronics, and occasionally Elektor Electronics. Plus he always had his CAF / DND educational literature laying around, as well as his DeVry course manuals laying around.

Seeing as how my father had very little interest in me as a kid, I thought that if I picked up an interest in electronics and computers, maybe Richard and I would get along as we’d have something in common.

Richard wasn’t the type of person to try to instil creativity or curiosity in a child.

In fact, Richard was so insecure that he was never going to let his stupid fucking kids eclipse him. The stupider Scott and I remained the smarter he would look in comparison.

Picking up electronics and computers was indeed beneficial, but not in the way that anyone thinks.

When people learn that I dropped out of school after grade 8, people always assume that it was because I was a troublemaker or a problem child. The truth is, between my father and my brother, things were becoming too violent and too unhinged in our house on Canadian Forces Base Downsview.

By 1987 my brother was starting to run with a gang of thugs. He had already been to group homes a few times after he’d been arrested for B&Es and car theft. He was only 13 years old, but he was already taller than my father. Richard wouldn’t dare hit Scott. And because Richard could no longer beat Scott he turned his attention to me for failing to raise my brother properly and for not looking out for my brother. Everything that Scott did was because I let the fucking babysitter touch him.

And no, my father never got over the fact that I had apparently “fucked with his military career” by being the cause of the posting from CFB Griesbach in Edmonton, AB to CFB Downsview in North York, ON.

Even though in reality I know that Richard never would have paid for trade school, or college, or university, I know that when I moved out of the house at 16 I pretty well wrote off ever obtaining a trade or a diploma.

Yes, I did get my grade 12 GED, but that doesn’t matter for much.

And yes, I’m a 4th class power engineer. But that doesn’t mean a lot on its own.

See, when it comes to most any job that I’ve ever had, I’m actually nothing special.

Weird.

Misfit.

Fag.

That’s how most of my employers would have referred to me.

I even had one manger refer to me as “Freddie Mercury” as he “knew” that I was gay. Kept making me promise him that I’d use protection when having sex with other men so that I wouldn’t get AIDs and die.

Many years later I would have one manager at work who refused to have anything to do with me, and when I mentioned this to the manger’s supervisor I was told that the other manager felt very uncomfortable around me because I was “too flamboyant”.

Yeah, when you come from a dysfunctional family and you’ve got no family safety net to fall back on, you just have to put up with this shit and keep going. Standing your ground and making a scene is for people that have backup plans.

I’m a loner. I like to be left alone. I don’t interact well with others. I have to fake smiles.

I’m perpetually late for work in the mornings because I really don’t want to get out of bed. I’m usually very disappointed in the morning when I wake up as that means that I didn’t pass away in my sleep.

I don’t have the slightest interest in sportsball, movies, movie actors, or bands. Yes, I like music, and yes I like watching movies now and again, but I’m not a “fan”.

The one thing that has always seen me through like an ace up my sleeve is my familiarity with electronics and computers, and my reading and comprehension abilities.

But the one thing that my skills have never been able to do is make me feel fulfilled or proud. They’re just shit that I can do.

So, what do my skills let me do? Wait, I can’t call them “skills” because I don’t have a diploma or a TQ or a Red Seal. I guess that I can call them hobbies.

This.

Below is a write up from my second round of testing.

(b) Breaker PDC- E3 delayed vital

Voltage data request from holding registers 41000 to 41007

TX 05 03 03 E7 00 08 F5 FB –

RX 05 03 10 02 54 02 53 02 – 50 01 64 01 55 01 5A 02

52 01 5C 09 72

TX 05 03 03 E7 00 08 F5 FB –

RX 05 03 10 02 54 02 53 02 – 50 01 64 01 55 01 5A 02

52 01 5C 09 72

Amperage Data request from holding registers 42200 to 42207

TX 05 03 08 97 00 08 F6 04 –

RX 05 03 10 02 2F 02 56 02 – 5A 80 00 03 17 03 17 03

02 80 00 7C D6

TX 05 03 08 97 00 08 F6 04 –

RX 05 03 10 02 2F 02 56 02 – 5A 80 00 03 17 03 17 03

02 80 00 7C D6

Using modbus slave software to listen to the output of the IP to RS-485 gateway I get this:

RX 05 03 2E EF 00 03 3C 92 –

This means that the system requested that device 05 (delayed vital breaker) send the contents of the holding register (03) 12015 (hex 2e ef) and three subsequent registers, 12015, 12016, 120170. The 3c 92 are the checksum value for the transmission.

My software masqueraded as device (05), with the contents of the holding registers (03), acknowledged that the request was valid (06) and sent the value of decimal 50 (00 32) to the system. The 0a 6b is the checksum for this transmission.

RX 05 03 2E EF 00 03 3C 92 –

TX 05 03 06 00 32 00 32 00 – 32 0A 6B

When my software transmits the value of 50 to the system, the system displays that it read the value of registers 12015 (hex 2e ef), 12016 (hex 2e f0), 12017 (hex 2e f1) as decimal 50 (hex 00 32).

RX 05 03 2E EF 00 03 3C 92 –

TX 05 03 06 00 7B 00 7B 00 – 7B C7 85

When I change the value of registers 12015 (hex 2e ef), 12016 (hex 2e f0), 12017 (hex 2e f1) to the decimal value of 123 (hex 00 7b) the display on the system changes to 123.

Now, please understand that I am not trying to claim to be some sort of genius or expert. I just read the manual for the system, I read a quick write-up on MODbus, I ordered in an off-the-shelf USB-to-MODbus converter, and I bought the software.

Believe me, I’m not trying to claim to be a “hacker” or a technician, or anything like that. I’m also not trying to pretend that I wrote the program, or designed the interface, or “cracked” the system.

I just followed the instructions. When things weren’t clear, or when I needed further information I went searching for it.

I often feel the need to make this clear and to make it understood that I am not trying to claim credit for anything. This is just the stupid shit that I do.

Now, before you ask why I don’t go get a diploma, or a certificate, or a TQ, realize that my depression, my anxiety, my ultra low self esteem, and my intense lack of self confidence have never been dealt with.

Pills, therapy, head shrinkers, magic crystals, tarot cards, and positive thoughts don’t do sweet fuck-all against untreated mental health issues.

And mental health issues can’t be dealt with so long as the Department of National Defence and the Canadian Armed Forces want to go out of their way to pretend that absolutely nothing occurred on Canadian Forces Base Namao from 1978 to 1980 and that I’m just a “societal malcontent with an axe to grind against the Canadian Armed Forces”.

The art of the shuffle.

My one deepest fear of the babysitter came true.

Because my father and Captain Totzke used to both blame me for what happened on Canadian Forces Base Namao and for allowing the babysitter to molest my younger brother, I was always hesitant to tell my counsellors about what had happened on Canadian Forces Base Namao.

Because of that I was always fearful that by not saying anything that the babysitter would go on to molest more kids.

In 2012 I found my fears to have been well founded.

What I didn’t take into account though was that the Canadian Armed Forces and the Department of National Defence would have moved a sexual predator from one base to another across Canada, giving this predator access to “fresh meat”.

But, that’s what they did.

In the aftermath of Canadian Forces Base Namao the Canadian Forces posted the babysitter’s family to Canadian Forces Base Petawawa in Ontario. Not only did this give the babysitter access to young children living on Canadian Forces Base Petawawa, but it also gave the babysitter access to children living in the towns around CFB Petawawa.

The babysitter was arrested, charged, and convicted in 1982 for molesting a young boy in a small town just north of CFB Petawawa.

Considering the number of children living on CFB Petawawa, I wouldn’t be surprised if the babysitter had molested children on the base, but with the base military police looking after the investigation of the sexual abuse of any child living on base, I’m not surprised that the Canadian Forces didn’t find any victims on the base. And I have no doubt in my mind that if former military dependents that were molested as children on CFB Petawawa by the babysitter did come forward like I had in 2011 with complaints against the babysitter that the CFSIU / CFNIS would have given them a dog ‘n’ pony show investigation like I got.

The babysitter then ended up in Manitoba on one of the CFBs there. It was either CFB Winnipeg or CFB Portage la Prairie. The babysitter was charged and convicted for molesting an 8-year-old in 1984. What’s not clear is if this child was a military dependent or was the child of a civilian family living off the base. If I was a gambling person I’d have to say that this was a civilian child living in a town or city near the base.

The babysitter and his family ended up back at Canadian Forces Base Namao in late 1984 / early 1985. The babysitter molested a 9 year old boy living on Canadian Forces Base Namao. This time however the Canadian Forces gave the babysitter’s father an ultimatum, either the babysitter move out of the military housing on base or the family would be ejected from the military housing.

By this time the babysitter would have been months shy of his 20th birthday.

The babysitter’s father rented the babysitter an apartment in the west end of Edmonton into which the babysitter lured a 13 year old newspaper carrier and molested the newspaper carrier.

The babysitter was convicted of both crimes in August of 1985 in a courtroom in Edmonton.

Most victims of child sexual assault never come forward. So how many other children living on Canadian Forces Bases that had sudden personality changes due to their interactions with the babysitter, we’ll never know.

How many of these children would have been spared sexual abuse at the hand of the babysitter had the Canadian Armed Forces simply called in the Royal Canadian Mounted Police to deal with the babysitter in the spring of 1980 instead of deciding to not inform the RCMP in order to keep the public from finding out the true extents of the child sexual abuse on Canadian Forces Base Namao?

No one will ever know.

I know that the Canadian Armed Forces and the Department of National Defence have the resources to find the other victims, but they have absolutely no interest in doing so.

I remember reading in the MacLean’s expose titled “The CFB Gagetown Rape Controversy” how the Canadian Forces responded to this by simply posting the perpetrators off to different bases.

It’s even mentioned in the 1996 report that was commissioned by the Canadian Armed Forces titled “Canadian Forces response to spousal abuse in military families” that postings were often used to make problems go away.

How many other victims of the poor decisions of the Canadian Armed Forces are there out there?

How many of these victims of the babysitter or other sexual predators on the bases had to deal with the rage of their fathers for having “fucked with their military careers”?

How many of the other victims of the babysitter have never had their crimes investigated because they couldn’t remember the babysitter’s name or what PMQ he lived in?

How many of these victims had to deal with the tendency of the Canadian Armed Forces to “blame and shame the victim”.

How many times did the Canadian Armed Forces consciously interfere with the attempts of civilian social services to protect the children of military families from the abuse of their unstable serving parent?

How many times did the Canadian Armed Forces post military families from one province to another to avoid the apprehension of military dependents.

Remember, in June of 2011 the Canadian Forces National Investigation Service told the Royal Canadian Mounted Police that charges were unlikely in my complaint due to a complete lack of evidence. This even though the CFNIS had in their possession the 1980 CFSIU paperwork and the 1980 court martial transcripts that both explained that the babysitter had been investigated by the base military police due to the complaints of numerous parents that the babysitter was molesting children.

Remember that on November 4th, 2011 I was contacted by the CFNIS and told that the CFNIS could find no indication that the babysitter was capable of committing the crimes that I had accused him of even though the CFNIS had the 1980 CFSIU paperwork, the 1980 court martial transcripts, and the babysitter’s CPIC records that recorded his charges and convictions from 1982, 1984, 1985(x2), and many more.

A little trip.

Just on my way to the island for a quick little weekend trip.

I haven’t been to the island since back in the early aughts.

Just wanted to get out of the city for the weekend.

Decided to try out the new Hullo ferry service. Well, it’s not really new, it’s been operating since last year.

Normally getting to the island is a royal pain in the ass. Nothing wrong with BC Ferries, but those ferries are dedicated to car culture. And the ferry terminals are only really accessible via highways meant for cars. The whole experience from BC Ferries isn’t that great for someone who just wants to take a quick trip to the island.

One can take the bus to the ferry terminal, but still you can tell that the terminals and the ferries are geared towards drivers.

Hullo on the other hand operates from Downtown Vancouver to Downtown Nanaimo. And the fares aren’t that expensive either.

Just wanted to get out of the city for the weekend.

Spending way too much time at work. I’m currently filling two positions at work. My position as chief engineer, and the assistant chief engineer’s position as well. So much overtime. Probably way too much overtime.

So far my YTD is $112,000.00. And I have two months to go in this year.

I don’t mind working all this time. Work is all that I’ve done my entire life.

I started working way back in 1982. By 1987 I was on my own and working full-time. I think work is what has distracted me all these years. Kept me from realizing just how fucked up my childhood had been and just how much of a basket case I was.

Work has always been a double edged sword though.

I work at levels well above what my formal education and my mental health should allow me to work at. You’d think that this is great, but it causes a lot of conflict. See, as a 4th class power engineer I’m just supposed to rubber stamp what contractors want to do. I’m not supposed to have valid opinions about building automation. I’m sure as hell not supposed to be able to build BACnet networks and add them in and make them function.

But I do.

And it makes me realize just how badly I got fucked all those years ago.

Activist Judges

Activist judges are never a good thing. Judges should always strive to impartial and to not let their personal opinions or personal beliefs and biases cloud their decisions. Themis is depicted wearing a blindfold and holding a scale. She is blindfolded so that she can only judge based upon the weight of the evidence placed upon her scales. Themis is not supposed to bow before any king, politician, or god. Rich and poor, religious and atheist are all supposed to be equal before her.

It’s always a scary thing when activist judges use their power to exert their personal views upon others.

I can’t find too much on Justice Simon R. Coval, other than he practiced commercial litigation before being appointed to the BC Supreme Court. You gotta ask yourself, how does a commercial litigator get to force someone to live if they don’t want to live.

And reading his reasoning for his judgement isn’t all that awe inspiring.

More of the “I know what’s good for you” father knows best B.S..

Gotta wonder if the outcome of this matter would have been any different had it been the husband that wanted to obtain M.A.i.D and the wife tried to stop the procedure vs. the wife wanting to obtain M.A.i.D. and the husband wanting to stop the procedure.

From the article “Coval said he recognized the injunction “is a severe intrusion into (the woman’s) personal and medical autonomy.”

“I can only imagine the pain she has been experiencing and I recognize that this injunction will likely make that worse,” he said. “

So, he was cognizant of the pain this woman is enduring, and he even acknowledged that this judgement was going to make things worse for this woman. But he obviously didn’t care when it came to imposing his opinion on another person.

Simon then takes of his commercial litigator’s hat and puts on his neuroscience expert’s hat and concludes “As I’ve said, the evidence suggests (her) situation appears to be a mental health condition or illness without a link to any physical condition and it may not only be remediable, but remediable relatively quickly,” he said.

Let me tell you a little secret about mental health treatment and mental health therapy Simon. All this shit does is teaches you how to mask your fucking issues so that no one has to hear your whinging and suffering.

That’s what the pills are for.

That’s what the therapy is for.

I’m the one who came from a dysfunctional military household.

I’m the one who endured the rage and anger of an alcoholic member of the Canadian Armed Forces.

I’m the one who was raised by his alcoholic grandmother that was suffering mental trauma from her time in Indian Residential School.

I’m the one who spent two years being sexually abused by his babysitter and escorted over to the base chapel to be given wine by a chaplain who would be charged with child sexual abuse.

I spent three years receiving “conversion therapy” from a military social worker that was hellbent on keeping a lid on the truth about CFB Namao.

I’m the one who had the military justice system slam the door in his face in 1977, 1980, 1984, 1985, 1990, 2011, 2018.

The Canadian Armed Forces helped my father avoid my apprehension by Alberta Social Services by transferring my father out of the jurisdiction of Alberta when Captain Totzke was informed about my impending apprehension.

I’m the one who spent his teenage years on Canadian Forces Base Downsview enduring the wrath of his father for having “fucked with his military career” and receiving physical abuse and mental abuse instead of receiving help with this diagnosed major depression and severe anxiety.

I’m the one who had to live with a father whose sole reason for keeping custody of the children he hated was so that he could control the costs.

I’m the one who had to live their life hating everything about themselves because that’s what was drilled into their fucking head.

And I am beyond fucking tired.

Pills don’t fucking work.

Therapy is all about telling your counsellor what they want to hear.

So I really don’t need an activist judge such as Simon R. Coval opining their personal beliefs.

I can promise you that if Coval had to walk 50 metres in my shoes he’d be a fucking babbling pile of tears begging for it to end.

I wasn’t wanted as a kid.

My parents got drunk and fucked.

That’s it.

That’s all.

My father always said that my mother tricked him into getting her pregnant so that she could trap him in the marriage.

My mother said that Richard was the one who wanted a kid, until he realized that he’d have to look after it.

I wasn’t wanted in the first place.

I don’t want to be here any longer than I have to be.

And I’m not going to let some activist judge like Justice Simon R. Coval, commercial litigator and neuroscientist deny me M.A.i.D. when M.A.i.D. finally becomes available.

Perceived Isoloation

If there’s one thing that the Canadian Armed Forces, the Department of National Defence, and the Department of Justice rely heavily upon it’s the public’s willingness to believe that each and every base in Canada operated in a complete vacuum from the other bases in Canada, almost as if each base in Canada was operated independently by a franchisee.

Each and every member of the Canadian Armed Forces, whether they be in the regular forces or the reserve forces, is recruited by the Canadian Armed Forces, is vetted by the Canadian Armed Forces, is trained by the Canadian Armed Forces, and employed by the Canadian Armed Forces.

Under the military’s own “unique” justice system, especially in the days prior to 1998, these members were disciplined by the Canadian Armed Forces for service offences which were comprised of military and criminal code offences.

What this means is that in days of yore the Canadian Armed Forces were able to keep its dirty laundry out of the public eye. And when the public did catch a sneak peak of child abuse or spousal abuse on the bases, it was always easy to portray that event as being a “one off” isolated event, instead of a tell-tale sign of a larger systemic problem.

Don’t let the Canadian Armed Forces and the Department of National Defence hoodwink you by spinning the lack of convictions or even the lack of charges as being an indication of the low rates of crime on the bases. The chain of command was practically designed to keep these secrets hidden with the summary investigation flaw and the three-year-time-bar flaw.

My father was a piss-tank alcoholic when he joined in 1963. He didn’t get his alcoholism under control until sometime in the mid ’80s.

Russell Williams didn’t start his raping and murdering spree after he left the Canadian Forces.

Alexander Kalichuk wasn’t sexually attracted to young girls only after he left the Canadian Armed Forces

Roger Bazin didn’t become sexually attracted to young boys only after he left the Canadian Armed Forces.

Donald Jospeh Sullivan didn’t become sexually attracted to young boys only after he left the Canadian Armed Forces.

Angus Alexander McRae didn’t molest young boys only after he left the Canadian Armed Forces.

The members of the Canadian Armed Forces that killed Shidane Arone after luring the teenager on to a base in Somalia by using food set up as a lure didn’t kill Shidane after they left the military. They were already racists and white supremacists before they joined the military.

Whatever vetting process the Canadian Armed Forces had in place obviously wasn’t up to the task of keeping the baddies out of the military.

When it comes to Russell Williams you have to remember that he agreed to plead guilty to all of the charges so long as the Ontario Crown didn’t prosecute Williams for the sizeable child porn collection that he had on a hard drive hidden in his house. Most of the underwear that he stole when he broke into the houses around Tweed belong to young girls, not women. An investigator with the Tweed police department that investigated Williams noted that the level of competency that Williams exhibited even on his “first” break and enters shows that these weren’t the first break and enters that Williams would have committed. How many bases that Williams was stationed on prior to his arrest did he commit break and enters in the military housing? You’ll have to pardon me when I don’t believe the Canadian Forces when they say that their own military police investigated and couldn’t find anything out of the ordinary on any base that Williams had been at previously.

When Lynne Harper was found murdered just off base at Royal Canadian Air Force station Clinton, the RCAF failed to mention that Alexander Kalichuk had relations with the Harper family. Lynne’s father was an officer in the RCAF at RCAF Stn Clinton. Steven Truscott’s father was an enlisted man at RCAF Stn Clinton. And Sgt. Kalichuk was also working on RCAF Stn Clinton. Kalichuk had been found driving on the country roads on the outskirts of the base offering free panties to young girls if they’d get in his car and go for a ride with him. When investigated by the local police Kalichuk told the police that he had bought the box of panties as a birthday gift for the 9 year old daughter of a coworker on the base, but that the party was cancelled and he didn’t want to simply throw the panties away. The Royal Canadian Air Force was willing to keep quiet about Kalichuk even if it meant the death of Steven Trusscott.

My own father retired from the Canadian Armed Forces in 1993 with a full pension. For most of his career he was a piss-tank. Most of his postings were to outrun social services.

When I met my mother again in 1990, one of the things she asked me was if my father had ever tried to touch me in a sexual manner. I gave her a very conditional no. I told her that Richard had never touched me, but I was pretty certain that had I been a girl things would have been different. Would my own father have sexually assaulted young girls on base? I can’t say no. He loved his women young. And he also viewed women as being stupid, and dumb. Basically just objects. And he was also a womanizer. Even when he was dating Sue, he was seeing other women.

Child sexual abuse on the bases was never openly talked about, but we knew. Just like child physical abuse and child neglect.

But with child sexual abuse, child physical abuse, child neglect being classed as “service offences” if they occurred on base in the military housing or anywhere else on the base proper, it would be the base military police investigating and then the commanding officer of the accused deciding if these charges would proceed to tribunal, be converted into other charges, or would simply be dismissed.

The way that Richard was with my brother and I was just something that we accepted as normal. Not every other father was like my father, but enough were that it was normal. And what was even worse was that the “nice” fathers never stopped our fathers when our fathers were raging out of control after a night of heavy drinking or when the hangovers hit hard after numerous nights of drinking.

The closest that another member ever came to involving themselves with my family was Bill Parker on CFB Downsview in the days in the aftermath of Richard’s total meltdown in the PMQ on Stanley Green Park. Bill acknowledged that he was aware of the abuse, and the drinking, and Richard’s temper. Bill even offered up a couch in his PMQ if I needed a place to stay while Richard calmed down, just like my mother and I used to in Nova Scotia. But in the end Bill defended my father by claiming that the Canadian Forces never looked after him in the aftermath of the HMCS Kootney event. “Oh Bob, I wish you had the chance to know your father before that day”.

When I got my first job working in a bowling centre that hosted children’s parties on the weekends it really blew my fucking mind to see kids running around and screaming at each other, kids begging their parents for more money to play a video game, and just in general being kids. There were no backhands being issued, there were no orders being barked. No fathers would bellow for their kids to “shut the fuck up, sit the fuck down, and don’t move a fucking muscle until I tell you to move”. Not a single child would leave the bowling centre with a bloody lip.

Nowadays, the Canadian Armed Forces and their cheerleaders jump all around with their pom-poms yelling Rah-Rah cheers and telling us to move-on and to simply get-over-it.

How do you get over the single most horrifying time in your life?

Especially when the Canadian Armed Forces control the narrative, control the information, control the investigations, don’t ever have to worry about pre-1998 offences, and enjoy the secrecy that the Security of Information act grants to the Canadian Armed Forces.

The independence of the military police.

Just thought that I would make a post about the imaginary independence of the Canadian Forces Military Police and the Canadian Forces National Investigation Service from the Chain of Command.

The base MPs and the CFNIS along with its predecessor, the CFSIU, have never been free of the chain of command. The investigators with these agencies are at all times soldiers first and police officers second. These soldiers, just as all other soldiers, are bound by the National Defence Act to obey the lawful commands of their superiors.

And yes, there is a difference between legal and lawful. Member of the Canadian Armed Forces generally don’t have the time and the ability to consult with a legal officer to determine if a lawful command is in fact a legal command.

And this poses a massive problem for persons such as myself who have actions against the Department of National Defence and the Canadian Armed Forces for abuse and neglect that we endured at the hands of members of the Canadian Armed Forces.

In the spring of 1980 the military police commenced an investigation of my babysitter due to the numerous complaints of inappropriate sexual touching of other children living on the base. The investigation quickly exposed the fact that Canadian Armed Forces officer Captain Father Angus McRae was running a child sexual abuse ring on the base.

There were three boys involved with escorting children over to the living quarters attached to the chapel. One of these boys was my babysitter.

You would think that the military police would have wanted to string Captain McRae up with as many charges possible. But that’s not the way that the military justice system worked then.

In May of 1980, after the base military police investigated the babysitter for molesting children, base security officer Captain David Pilling instructed CFSIU Acting Section Commander Warrant Officer Fredrick R. Cunningham to investigate Captain Father Angus McRae for having committed acts of “homosexuality” with young boys on the base. The use of the term “acts of homosexuality” indicated that the Canadian Armed Forces already viewed McRae’s victims not as victims, but as homosexuals participating in homosexual activities.

Now, this is where things become very bad for the victims of Captain McRae that were under the age of 14.

The Canadian Armed Forces could only prosecute for the crimes of Gross Indecency, Indecent Assault, and Buggery so long as consent was a possibility. This fact was raised in the Court Martial Appeal Court finding of Regina vs. Corporal Donald Joseph Sullivan which was held in 1985.

Captain McRae’s commanding officer was Colonel Daniel Edward Munro, the base commander of Canadian Forces Base Namao. In 2017 as a result of me asking a CFNIS investigator if they could talk with retired Brigadier General Daniel Edward Munro to find out what transpired of CFB Namao in 1980 the office of the JAG replied that due to the 3-year-time-bar that existed in 1980, no charges could ever be brought against Munro so the CFNIS declined to talk to him.

In 1980 it would have been the commanding officer of the accused that would have decided what type of investigation McRae would be subjected to and how in-depth the investigation would be.

Colonel Daniel Edward Munro along with his chain of command would have known that the Captain McRae couldn’t be subjected to a courts martial for any crime committed against a child under the age of 14. Munro and his superiors would have known that to prosecute McRae for abusing any child under the age of 14 the Morinville RCMP would have had to be called in. And this would mean that McRae would be prosecuted in the civilian justice system where the military would not have been able to place a “veil of secrecy” around the whole affair.

This is why it was either Colonel Daniel Edward Munro or his superiors that wouldn’t allow the Base MPs to contact the Morinville RCMP to deal with the babysitter. They weren’t trying to protect the babysitter. They were trying to keep this whole mess from getting out into the public eye. Once the RCMP started investigating the babysitter, and once the babysitter mentioned the other boys and that they were bringing children as young as 4 over to the chapel the military would have lost control of the whole matter

Once the CFSIU completed its investigation of Captain McRae for sexually abusing children, the charges weren’t referred to the Alberta Crown Prosecutor for review. McRae was being charged with sections of the Criminal Code of Canada that were enumerated into the National Defence Act as Service Offences. Service offences were not in the purview of the provincial crowns. The charges were instead reviewed by the commanding officer of the accused. Which again in this case was Colonel Daniel Edward Munro, the base commander of Canadian Forces Base Namao.

An interesting thing about Colonel Daniel Edward Munro is that EVERY member of the regular force and the reserves located on Canadian Forces Base Namao was Munro’s subordinate. There is no requirement for an officer with the Chain of Command to follow the command structure when issuing commands to subordinate.

At work, if a manager from a department makes an unrealistic request of me or my subordinates, I can ask that manager to address my department manager. And I have the union to back me up on that. In the Canadian Forces you don’t have that ability.

In the Canadian Forces, if you don’t do as your superiors tell you to, you run the risk of being charged with insubordination. Basically you do as you’re told and you can only ignore the order you were given if someone else superior to you instructs you to ignore that order.

Members of the Canadian Forces subject to orders from and decisions by Colonel Munro included, but were not limited to:

my father
the father of the babysitter
the serving parents of the other two boys suspected of bringing kids to McRae
the serving parents of the other abused children
the investigators within the CFSIU
the investigators within the Base MPs
military social workers like Captain Lynda Tyrell and Captain Terry Totzke.

Once the Chain of Command decided that the Captain Father Angus McRae matter was going to be dealt with through the military justice system, that was it. This is not to be questioned.

When I talked to Claude Adams of Global News in 2014 about the Captain McRae sex scandal from CFB Namao, Claude assured me that if he was in the Canadian Forces and if the military didn’t want to charge McRae with abusing his children that he’d just go marching down to the city police and lay charges himself.

That’s not how this works. If Claude did that, that would have been an immediate courts martial.

Yes, the ignorance by the Canadian public of how the military works is quite alarming.

Why would the Canadian Armed Forces go through all of this just to keep the McRae matter out of the media? Wouldn’t this have shown the Canadian Public that the Canadian Armed Forces does not tolerate child sexual abuse under any circumstance?

No. That’s not the way the Canadian Forces operated, especially not during the Cold War. The Canadian Armed Forces, much like many other “western” militaries had waged a war against homosexuality as it was seen as a weakness that the Soviets could exploit via entrapment and blackmail to recruit spies.

During the period of the Captain McRae child abuse sex scandal the Government of Canada employed the “fruit machine” to weed out homosexuals. The Canadian Forces had CFAO 19-20.

So imagine the military’s reluctance to prosecute Canadian Armed Forces OFFICER Captain Father Angus McRae for sexually abusing over 25 children on Canadian Forces Base Namao in direct view of the Base MP detachment.

Imagine if the Canadian public had discovered via a public trial that McRae had inappropriate sexual relations with children on other Canadian Forces Base and Canadian Forces Stations that Captain McRae had been moved to by the Canadian Armed Forces.

Can you imagine Colonel Daniel Edward Munro’s fear of having his command ability called into question as it was his Base MPs that failed to detect Munro’s direct subordinate molesting the children of enlisted personnel on the base that Munro was ultimately responsible for the security of?

To top it off, Captain McRae had been investigated at the Royal Military College at Canadian Forces Base Kingston for “Acts of homosexuality” in 1974. It’s not like CFB Kingston and CFB Namao are separate entities. They’re both Canadian Forces Bases under the same command chain and policed by the same police force. So it’s not like anyone in the chain of command on CFB Namao could plead ignorance to Captain McRae’s previous investigation for “acts of homosexuality” in 1974?

Why wasn’t McRae tossed out of the military in 1974? Was it because the military police or the CFSIU couldn’t find enough evidence? No. It doesn’t matter what the Base MPs or the CFSIU found. McRae’s commanding officer would have had the ultimate authority to dismiss the charges that had been brought against Captain McRae.

Even in 2011, the CFNIS had the 1980 CFSIU paperwork and the 1980 courts martial transcripts in their hand, but there was no way that the Canadian Armed Forces were going to allow charges to be brought against the babysitter.

Why?

Angus McRae didn’t die until May 20th, 2011. 3-1/2 months after the start of the investigation. And this posed a massive problem for the CFNIS.

While the CFNIS would have been free to bring charges against the babysitter, the CFNIS would never have been able to charge Angus McRae for ANY service offence that he had committed while subjected to the Code of Service Discipline.

Two flaws that existed in the National Defence Act prior to December of 1998 ensure that child molesters who abused children on Canadian Armed Forces bases in Canada ensure that these abusers nor their victims will ever receive justice.

See, even though the flaws were removed, there was no legislation enacted that retroactively allowed the crown prosecutor to become involved with reviewing charges laid by the base military police or the CFSIU prior to the commanding officer of the accused conducting their Summary Investigation as required under the National Defence Act.

In 1980, after the laying of charges by the military police or the CFSIU, all charges were required to be reviewed by the commanding officer of the accused. This included not only charges of a purely military nature, but ALL criminal code charges enumerated into the National Defence Act. The commanding officer had the full authority to dismiss any and all charges, including criminal code offences.

When Bill C-25 passed in 1998 the 3-year-time-bar flaw and the summary investigation flaw were removed, but there was no language added that allowed the base military police or the CFSIU / CFNIS to bypass the language that existed prior to 1998 and to refer service offence charges to a provincial prosecutor. More alarmingly, there was no language added to either the National Defence Act or the Criminal Code of Canada that nullified the 3-year-time-bar prior to 1998.

Why is this important?

Well without a police investigation showing evidence that I was molested directly by Captain McRae it is being hinted that I have no legal claim against the Canadian Armed Forces and the Department of National Defence. But don’t forget, the investigations being relied upon are investigations conducted by the police of the agency that I am claiming compensation from.

In it’s 10 year report to Parliament that was published in 2010, the Military Police Complaints Commission that allowing the military police and the CFNIS to investigate matters that may subject the DND and the CAF to civil actions is inappropriate as indicated by decisions by the Supreme Court of Canada.

These decisions are why police forces in Canada generally will not investigate matters that could be expected to lead to civil actions against the city they work for. This is why when there is a police shooting in Canada or an allegation of police brutality police from another jurisdiction are brought in to investigate. This is also why when civilian employees of a city are suspected of wrongdoing other police agencies are usually brought in to at least review and offer oversight of the investigation.

As the Military Police Complaints Commission pointed out in 2011, the Supreme Court of Canada has decided that when a peace officer is conducting a criminal investigation, that peace officer is to answer to no-one except to the law itself. This is an outright impossibility in the Canadian Armed Forces. Every member of the Canadian Armed Forces is at ALL times subjected to the Code of Service Discipline. There are no exceptions for the base military police, the CFNIS, nor the Provost Marshal.

In fact things are far worse for the base military police and the CFNIS as the National Defence Act allows the Vice Chief of Defence Staff to offer instructions and orders to any MP or CFNIS investigation. As indicated by the Military Police Complaints Commission the Vice Chief of Defence Staff is NOT a peace officer and has no law enforcement training.

Another oddity with the structure of the military police is that the head of the military police, the Canadian Forces Provost Marshal, directly reports to the Vice Chief of Defence Staff.

Currently the Vice Chief of Defence Staff is a Lieutenant General. The Provost Marshal is a Brigadier General.

Breasts and death

My hormone related changes are well under way.

And I still really want to die.

And I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with that.

Death won’t be an option until 2027, and there’s still no indication if M.A.i.D. will be legalized for mental illnesses or not, but I am still hoping to be “allowed” to die.

Isn’t that the funniest of things?

I’m not allowed to die, but I also didn’t choose to exist.

My mother and my father got drunk one night. An exchange of DNA occurred. And 9 months later I popped out into the world.

Through my early life all sorts of people with their own agendas were making decisions about my life based upon their own ideas and interests.

And here I am at 52, burnt out and tired, and unable to make a decision about my life.

But Bobbie, I thought that if you transitioned that you would be happy and that you’d want to live?

Fuck no.

With an official delay in M.A.i.D. until 2027 I thought that I would avail myself to fixing the one thing that I had always wanted to correct all of my life but was unable to due to circumstances beyond my control.

Transitioning in and of itself is not the cure for my desire to die.

My desire to die comes from my rancid childhood.

Growing up on Canadian Armed Forces military bases was hard enough under the best of circumstances.

Growing up on Canadian Armed Forces military bases as a sexually abused male was an absolute fucking nightmare.

Growing up on Canadian Armed Forces military bases as a sexually abused gender non-conforming male during the days of CFAO 19-20 was a fucking soul destroying experience.

Growing up on Canadian Armed Forces military bases in a dysfunctional family in the era when the military’s policy towards members with mental issues meant that the military just outright ignored these issues meant that there were none of the normal experiences that children require to grow up mentally healthy. In fact my father’s alcoholism and his out-of-control and unacknowledged PTSD meant that the experiences that I grew up with caused a shit ton of mental issues that have plagued me for my entire life.

How bad have these issues affected me?

Here’s some moulds made of my teeth by my dentist in a last ditch attempt to save what’s left of my teeth.

Yeah, I’ve worn my teeth down to absolutely nothing.

That’s ’cause I wake up in terror some nights grinding my teeth away.

I’ve had night guards before, but I usually grind through them in a few weeks.

So Bobbie, if you still want to die, why are you transitioning?

I’ve never identified with being a male at any point in my life.

And this has nothing to do with the babysitter, Captain McRae, Captain Totzke, or Master Corporal Gill.

I’ve never identified as a boy. I always thought that I was a girl.

Around age 10 or 11 I remember hoping and praying that I would wake up the next morning with breasts and all the rest.

And everyday that I didn’t wake up with the much hoped for changes, I was devastated.

And was I ever jealous.

The girls at school were starting to fill out, and I wasn’t.

So, I intend to spend the next three years-or-so getting some of the changes that I’ve always wanted.

I’m not going for bottom surgery. I’ll get some items removed, but I’m not going for vaginoplasty.

And for the topside, I’ll be happy with what the hormones give me. I’m not going the augmentation route.

Body wise? Yeah, I’m already enjoying the muscle loss. It’s hard to explain, but I’ve always felt that my body is smaller than what it actually is. By losing muscle mass I’m hoping to finally get my body muscle structure down to what feels more natural. I’m already getting some of the fat redistribution, but the full effect won’t be for another year or so.

The goal of this all will be that when I finally go to sleep and escape this fucked up existence, that I present as close to a female as I can.

Never wanted to be a male.

Never identified as a male.

I don’t want to die as a male.

But, in the meantime I’m going to keep on with the hormones and the changes.

The Canadian Armed Forces had an extensive amount of say over my childhood.

I will not allow Canadian Armed Forces to say single fucking thing about my remaining days or my death.

The day the media cried……

For the most part the media in Canada is finished.

Very lax CRTC rules, very biased free trade agreements, and extremely toothless foreign ownerships rules means that our media for the most part is American owned and always has a pro-corporate, pro-capitalism, anti-worker bias, and anti-socialist policies at play.

It doesn’t matter if the newsroom or the head office has a Canadian street address. If the board of directors and the majority of shareholders are Americans, then the product that they produce is American propaganda.

We don’t have to worry about the Americans launching an invasion to take over Canada, the invasion has been going on since the Mulroney years in the ’80s, some might even say that the invasion started with Dief – the – Thief’s policy of overt American appeasement.

This morning when I logged into the cesspool formerly known as Twitter I caught this tweet from Lynda Steele.

This would be depressing, except Lynda is one of those in the news media that practically ensured the death of local media.

When Lynda was with 980 CKNW her pro-automobile industry / anti-alternative transportation biases were on full display. But I guess that she was just playing to her audience. The only place I’ve ever seen people listen to AM radio is in the car. But Lynda should have realized that the days of AM radio are coming to an end. Even FM radio isn’t far behind.

I stopped listening to radio back in the early ’00s when Rock 101 was blitzing the airwaves with that Spence Shriek commercial.

MP3 players made portable music that much easier to obtain and they totally negated my need for a radio. More importantly I never had to listen to that insistent Spence Shriek or annoying crap like it again.

People in general don’t like biases in their news, and people are fairly decent at detecting biases.

During the Covid-19 lockdown, the previous park board and city council agreed to install a bicycle lane in Stanley Park that would separate the bicycle riders from the pedestrians on the seawall thus allowing the pedestrians on the seawall to distance themselves by spreading across the walking path and the bicycle path and allowing the bicycle riders to continue using the park.

Now, I don’t think we’ll ever know the truth about what happened at CKNW, but to hear Lynda describe it lycra clad MAMILs were dragging the disabled out of their vehicles and euthanizing them at the main entrance to the park. The elderly were no longer able to drive to the park. Traffic in the park was now forced to drive at the posted speed limit. Car drivers were now forced to sit behind the horse drawn carriage tours and left to contemplate the meaningless existence of being a horse pulling tourists around and around in a loop.

In reality, there were only three groups of people upset at the bicycle lanes.

Car drivers using the park to avoid north bound traffic jams on the Stanley Park causeway. Car drivers using the park to avoid the downtown core by rat racing through the park to get to Beach Ave thus avoiding West Georgia, Burrard, and Howe.

And the most important group of all, the tour bus operators. There is a metric shit ton of money made in fares and tips from tourists that come to town on the cruise ships and want to go see “World Famous Stanley Park”. And no doubt there is some form of benefit to the tour bus operators when they deliver fresh cattle to the two “major” tourist attractions in the park.

The bicycle lanes made it impossible for tour busses to fit back in to the park. Because park drive was meant to meander through the park it has some tight bends. With the concrete barriers running through the park it would have been impossible for a full size tour bus to navigate.

Under an outrage that was practically stoked by the media Vancouver got a populist mayor elected with support from just over 18% of eligible voters.

The first thing Qatari Ken did when elected was to jump on an airplane to go watch a soccer game in Qatar. Hence why I call him Qatari Ken.

Ken’s plan was to rip out all of the bicycle lanes in the park to allow the “disabled and elderly” park users to get back into the park. Ken got as far as tearing out the lanes expect for the eastern Beach Avenue exit. The problem that Lynda and Qatari Ken didn’t account for was the public uproar that resulted from the removal of the bicycle lanes in the park.

It never was about the “elderly and disabled”. If it were then Qatari Ken and Lynda would have been pressing for a “community shuttle bus” that would stop at all of the hospitals, senior homes, assisted living homes, and other care facilities in order to give ALL disabled persons and elderly persons the ability to visit the park, especially those without families or those without the means to travel.

No, what it was all about was Qatari Ken riding a wave of populism in to the Mayor’s office to ensure that the interests of a select few business owners were looked after.

Both Lynda and Qatari Ken had been buoyed in their anti-bicycle / anti-alternate transportation biases because of the dynamics of the echo chamber. Lynda’s audience was only car drivers basically. So when Jim-Bob-Joe called in from Abbotsford to say that he’s never coming back to Stanley Park because the City of Vancouver has gone woke with bicycles, that’s what she heard.

The truth is there’s far more daily traffic from bicycle riders and roller bladers in the park than there is from actual park using car drivers.

But, I digress.

My beef with the media comes from the fact that not one single local news media outlet has dare look into historical child sexual abuse on bases that used to be located within city limits.

Does Lynda believe that no children were ever sexually abused on Canadian Forces Base Jericho in Vancouver during the days when both the 3-year-time-bar and the Summary Investigation flaw were in effect?

After report after report of the failure of the military justice system looking into sexual abuse of adults, isn’t Lynda and the rest of her cohorts curious in the slightest about the sexual abuse of children living on the same bases?

Isn’t Lynda, as a reporter, curious about the fact that children who lived on Canadian Forces Bases prior to 1998 don’t have the same rights that their civilian counterparts had?

When West End MP Hedy Fry said that she was not going to look into the matter of child sexual abuse on the Canadian Armed Forces bases in Canada because there were no bases in the West End even though I had lived in the West End since 1992, isn’t this “local news”? Isn’t it news worthy when a sitting MP says that a person can only get justice for military child sexual abuse if they live in a riding with a military base?

Is Canadian Forces Base Jericho not “local”?

Yes, fine, I get it. Lynda had no control over what stories she was allowed to cover and report on when she was at CKNW. CKNW survives on automobile advertising and its listenership is comprised of people stuck in cars. Therefore bicycles are a commie plot to steal your freedomobile away from you and force you to ride a bicycle.

Reporting on a story that would cause the Department of National Defence and the Canadian Armed Forces a severe amount of negative publicity is something that corporate would have frowned upon as many of the owners are well connected and don’t want to be seen as pissing on the troops.

In the end, with the exception of just a few persons in the media, if the average “journalist” wants a paycheque they have to conduct the reporting that corporate dictates. But these “journalists” shouldn’t be surprised in the end when being a corporate puppet just means that the profession that they were a part of becomes a relic of the past.

And so far the “alternative media” is no better than the corporate media.

Brothers, by law.

It should go without saying that Scott and I really weren’t close as kids.

Our family was not a family built on love.

As I’ve said before, Richard was in many ways similar to Heathcliff from Wuthering Heights in the sense that he carried a grudge for historical slights and anyone even remotely involved with those historical slights was going to pay dearly.

Unlike Heathcliff though, Richard wasn’t the victim of the disdain of others. No, Richard was the architect of his own misfortunes.

Richard carried a massive grudge against his first wife and anyone or anything associated with her was going to pay a very heavy price for her “walking out” on him even though he took advantage of the Defence Establishment Trespass Regulations and had his first wife thrown out of the PMQ by the military.

Richard also carried a massive grudge against his mother for her daring to be First Nations, but that’s for another posting.

My father’s buddy from 447 squadron at CFB Namao famously asked Richard “Rick, if these fucking kids are driving you nuts, why don’t you give them back to their fucking mother and let her deal with them”. Richard’s response was “As long as the kids live under my roof, I control the costs. If I sent them to live with their mother I’d have to sign my fucking paycheque over to that bitch, and that’s not going to happen”.

Going through my email interactions with Scott, there was one email in which he noted that even our stepmother Sue had told him that Richard would tell her that Richard kept us because we were good for tax time.

Richard never took us anywhere that would require a modicum of parenting or involvement. And from about 1977 until 1981, Richard had washed his hands of my brother and I by bringing his mother on base to live in the PMQ and raise us.

This is the woman that he described to social services as being “frequently cruel” to his children and that she was frequently intoxicated and refused to admit her alcoholism.

To make matters far worse was the fact that kids from dysfunctional families that were living on Canadian Forces Bases were often shunned.

The Canadian Forces at the time, and even still today, is an extremely patriarchal which meant that the fathers of the families would never been seen to be at fault. Any problem in the household on base was always seen as the fault of the woman or the fault of the children.

So yeah, to say that Scott and I didn’t have a happy childhood would be a gross understatement.

So Scott would go off on his own, and I would go off on my own.

Because of my estrangement from Richard as a child, I never really stayed close to Richard. Scott on the other hand looked up to Richard.

When we moved to Canadian Forces Base Downsview in Ontario in 1983 is when Scott and I started really drifting apart even further.

At that point in time I was so emotionally disturbed that I was supposed to be institutionalized whereas Scott was desperate for friendship. I preferred being left alone, whereas Scott wanted to hang out and be friends with everyone.

This led to Scott hanging out with the wrong crowd.

And Richard, being the incompetent asshole that he was would blame Sue, Grandma, myself, and his first wife for the way Scott was turning out. Not for one minute would Richard turn around and blame himself or accept responsibility for his part in this play.

This of course would stoke a lot of animosity between my brother and I.

Scott would do the crime, and I would get the beating of my life.

I wasn’t raising Scott properly

I wasn’t looking out for Scott

Another wedge that Richard drove between my brother and I was the fact that Richard blamed me for what happened to Scott on Canadian Forces Base Namao at the hands of the babysitter and possibly Captain McRae.

When Scott stole Sue’s Pontiac Acadian, Richard laid a fucking intense beating on me in my basement bedroom of the PMQ. During this beating Richard yelled numerous times at me that Scott was turning out the way he was because I let the babysitter touch him and that if I hadn’t let the babysitter fuck Scott that Scott would be normal.

And of course Scott was becoming resentful towards me because Richard’s insistence that I was supposed to raise Scott and look after Scott meant that I was allowing Scott to get into trouble.

And I know that this was a substantial issue between Scott and I even until just recently. In fact it wasn’t until the Canadian Armed Forces finally released the Court Martial transcripts and the CFSIU investigation paperwork in the summer of 2020 that Scott finally began to come to terms with the fact that Richard lied about the events of 1980 and that Richard obviously knew more about 1980 than what Richard had ever let on.

In the summer of 1984, while Scott and I were spending the summer with our grandmother, Scott said something to our grandmother about the babysitter from CFB Namao. Grandma was furious, yelling at me for allowing Scott to be raped by the babysitter while I was watching.

I moved out of the PMQ on Canadian Forces Base Downsview in Ontario in early 1988.

By this point in time Scott had been into juvenile detention numerous times and had grown substantially both in height and in mass. Scott’s uncontrolled anger and Richard’s unwillingness to control Scott and protect me from Scott is one of the reasons that I left. And it wasn’t just Scott that I was terrified of. He was hanging out with guys that I’m sure probably ended up becoming enforcers for biker gangs after they finished high school.

In a way I was very envious of Scott. Here I was, barely pushing 100 lbs and Scott had to be at least 160 or 170 even though he was 2 years younger than me. Not only that but Scott was towering over Richard. Richard once tried to backhand Scott, and Scott just caught his hand and scowled at Richard. That was the last time I ever saw Richard try to strike Scott. Me on the other hand, yeah Richard wasn’t afraid of me in the slightest.

In the summer of 1990 Richard got hold of me and invited me to move to Edmonton with him so that we could try to be a family again.

In preparation for the move, I moved back into PMQ 223F on Canadian Forces Base Downsview. But Scott wasn’t there. Scott had been incarcerated during my absence and was serving time at St. John’s in Uxbridge, Ontario.

By the time Scott was released, Sue and Richard had already bought a civilian house in Morinville, AB. I didn’t last too long in that house, and neither did Scott upon his release from juvie in Ontario. I think I lived in the house in Morinville for about a week before I got the boot and had to go rent my own apartment, which was no small feat at the age of 18.

One day at work I got a phone call from Richard telling me that after all he did for us as kids that I had to take Scott in until things calmed down. Scott was unceremoniously dropped off at my apartment. He ate all of my food in three days and he nearly got me evicted by fighting with the neighbours and blasting loud music. I asked Richard for help with groceries, he just laughed and said that maybe I should try hitting up our mother for groceries as he was finally done with us. Our mother ended up taking Scott out to her acreage out by Wabamum Beach.

I was introduced to my mother by my uncle Doug in the summer of 1990 just after we arrived back in Edmonton. I have no doubt that uncle Doug also introduced Scott to our mother after Scott arrived in Edmonton from Ontario after his release.

I happened to stop in to our mother’s house one weekend when she asked me if it was true what Scott said, that I had let Scott get raped numerous times by our babysitter. This was in the summer of 1991 and Scott was still framing it the way that my father had framed the events of 1978 to 1980, that I had allowed and encouraged the babysitter to molest my brother.

Between the winter of 1992 and the summer of 2012 I only saw Scott 3 or 4 times.

In the Summer of 2013 I went to go see Scott. We had some talks, but there was still an intense amount of resentment and condensation in his voice towards me. At the time Scott claimed that he hadn’t spoken to Richard or Sue for the longest time due to the suicide death of Eric Kolsteren.

On the day of my Federal Court application for Judicial Review, Scott had started texting me claiming that I had raped him along with the babysitter and that I should tell this to the judge. I did some quick sleuthing and as it turned out Richard had tracked Scott down via Sue and just the night before Scott’s outburst Richard had paid a visit to Scott and gave Scott a computer, a bunch of computer items, some camera equipment, and possibly paid for a trip to Toronto.

After that, Scott’s attitude towards me soured quite considerably. I have absolutely no doubt that Richard was pumping Scott’s head full of bullshit.

The next time that Scott would have any type of contact with me was in 2019 when he called me to let me know that Richard had died in 2017. Scott requested that if Sue ever asked how I found out Richard was dead that I wasn’t supposed to say that Scott told me.

Things again changed between Scott and myself in 2020 after the release of the Captain McRae’s court martial transcripts, and the 1980 CFSIU investigation paperwork. Scott began to realize that he had been lied to all of his life by Richard once my class action against the Canadian Armed Forces was initiated.

People have asked me if my brother’s death upsets me.

Not really.

I didn’t know him.

I knew him about as well as I knew my father.

I am disappointed that Scott is dead.

He didn’t live long enough to at least see official acknowledgement for no only what had happened to him on Canadian Forces Base Namao, but the fact that various members of the Canadian Armed Forces failed him such as our father Master Corporal Richard Gill, Captain Totzke, Colonel Daniel Edward Munro.

I know that Scott had been struggling with mental health issues for the longest time as when we did have email conversations early after 2012 he did say that he was seeing counsellors to try to work out his anger issues.

Drug wise, I don’t know when he started to be honest with you.

I know that he drank when we lived on Canadian Forces Base Downsview. Back then it wasn’t uncommon, even for the Goodie-Two-Shoes brats, to drink and smoke weed on base.

When Scott came for a visit in the summer of 2021 both him and his girlfriend at the time were doing mushrooms and weed.

When Scott started doing K is something I’ll never know.

If he was doing anything harder than weed, ‘shrooms, and K is also something that I’ll never know.

If we were closer together, would I have known?

I don’t know.

I work at a hospital in Vancouver that is basically THE hospital for Canada’s poorest postal code, the DTES. Drugs can take over anyone at anytime. The number of fresh faces coming in for treatment is astounding. Everyone seems to think that they can try the hard drugs once or twice and they’ll be okay.

I haven’t quite figured out what to do with Scott’s ashes at this point in time.

Maybe I’ll get them mixed into little cement middle fingers and have one delivered to the Chief of Defence Staff, one delivered to the Canadian Forces Provost Marshal, one delivered CFNIS Western Region, one delivered to CFNIS Pacific Region, and one delivered to RCMP K division HQ.