Tag: Bobbie Bees

62 days to go

Well, it’s 62 days until I go visit my physician and ask him to assist me with making my formal application for Medical Assistance in Dying.

I think my doc is getting cold feet. I hope that he doesn’t chicken out. That would really fuck things up for me.

No, I don’t want more meds.

No, I don’t want fucking group hug basket weaving therapy.

No, I don’t want to explore my chakras or sing medieval healing chants.

Forever sleep and forever peace is what I want.

And I think after all that I’ve been through in life that I deserve to go to sleep to escape this constant never ending cycle of depression, anxiety, and never ending memories.

68 days to go.

So, it’s 68 days until I make my application for MAiD.

Sorry to disappoint, but my videos are probably going to get a lot more centred around death, after all it is my goal.

To escape and to be free.

Technically I won’t be able to enjoy my new found freedom, but that’s only becuase I’ll be dead.

What I won’t be is hounded by the past.

A past that I never asked for.

A past that had been obscured to me even though I had lived through it and suffered greatly becuase of it.

It’s weird, the closer I get to March 22nd, the more relaxed I become.

Now, of course the 22nd of March is when I make my application, not when I actually undergo the proceedure.

I’m hoping that I can undergo the procedure within a year of making my application.

That said, I’m going to start pivoting my blog away from the Canadian Armed Forces and anything related to the Canadian Forces Base Namao.

So far as the class action goes, c’est la vie. It’s in the hands of the lawyers and the hands of the Department of Justice, so I’m not going to waste any time with that any more.

Anyways, here’s a new video for your viewing enjoyment……

Adverse Childhood Experiences

I normally don’t do self-help psychobable tests.

One of the problems that I’ve always had is answering these things truthfully as I had always been told as a kid to answer these types of tests with whatever I thought that the person administering the tests wanted to hear.

And besides, as a kid I had it drilled into my head that the abuse that I endured on Canadian Forces Base Namao was because I was an out of control homosexual. So of course I wasn’t going to answer anything correctly.

So, I gave this test a quick go, and I think I aced the ACEs test pretty well.

I scored a perfect 10 out of 10 on this test, and I didn’t even have to study for it.

I’m pretty sure that’s not actually a good thing.

This is me. Don’t be alarmed.
ace-questionnaire-for-adults-identified-english-rev.7.26.22Download

This one’s from California, but they all generally ask the same questions.

The only one that I really couldn’t answer is #6. I know that Richard had been in the brig at Stadacona before I was born. His service file doesn’t say for what. I don’t honestly know if he had ever been locked up after I was born. Makes me wonder if any of his “training exercises” were actually 1 or 2 week sentences.

Anyways, I’m hungry, so I’m going out to get something to eat.

Interests.

In this video I talk interests.

I’ve had interests in life. But they were always the wrong interests and I had these interests for all of the wrong reasons.

I wish that things in life had been different when I was a kid.

But they weren’t, so I can only live in the shadows of the aftermath and the destruction.

January 7th, 2024

Here’s a video that I made earlier today.

I’ve come to realize that if I am allowed to die via Medical Assistance in Dying, that I’m not going to live long enough to see the media take any interest in the two historical flaws in the National Defence Act that actively prevent anyone in the modern day from receiving any manner of justice for crimes they endured as children while living on Canadian Armed Forces bases in Canada.

But, such is life.

So, sold off my 2020 Macbook Pro 13 today.

I think he was a college student, but needed a computer, so I gave him the Macbook for a good deal.

He seemed happy.

Now that everything is in a wind down phase I really don’t need to keep much anymore.

Time to start shedding all of my physical possessions.

The only real purpose that any of my computers served was for me to search for information, make FOI requests, and store and sort information.

But now that we are officially in the year 2024, none of this stuff matters anymore.

I have an iPad Pro 10″ that I’ll be getting rid of next.

So far I’ve gotten rid of anything that I had in relation to electronics.

Got rid of my soldering and desoldering stations, my parts bins, cross reference guides, etc. As I said before, electronics wasn’t something that I was really interested in, but I persisted in it thinking that one day a spark would light inside. That spark never came.

Same thing with computers. I just never had the creativity to create write programs.

Same thing with motorcycles. I’d ride them for a while and then get bored.

I donated all of my hand tools and power tools to a local shop that loans tools out for next to nothing to low income families that need to use tools.

Got rid of my Play Station.

There were only a very few games that I liked to play.

Didn’t want to go through the hassle of selling it so pulled the hard drive from it and put the play station in the computer recycling cage at work.

Got rid of my CD collection last fall.

Got rid of my movie collection at the same time.

Now, don’t think I don’t have anything left.

Still have my iPad, and I still have my desktop.

But there will come a time when I will get rid of the desktop and my drives of data.

I won’t have much use for any of the information that I’ve compiled over the last twelve years.

Disposing of the desktop and the drives will probably be done later in the year.

I’ve already disposed of reams and reams of hard copies. We have a shredding service at work that shreds all documents that are put into recycling.

I would have thought that the media would have shown the slightest interest, but it looks like consolidation and foreign ownership have turned Canadian media into nothing more than stenographer services for the institutions with secrets to hide..

I’ve eliminated a lot of my dresses. That still leaves me with a lot of dresses.

I’ll probably start whittling down the number of dresses that I have until the final weeks.

Then I’ll probably hold on to a good pair of heels and a few dresses.

Haven’t decided which dress and which heels I wanna wear at my procedure, maybe I don’t even yet own the dress that I want to wear.

I want a real intense ruffle dress. Maybe something with a robust petticoat.

I make my application in March of this year.

I have absolutely no doubt that time will fly past really fucking quick from this point onwards.

But, I’m already enjoying the peace and serenity that my approaching death offers.

The one thing that I’ll have to wait for until I obtain my approval from the two assessors is at which funeral home will I undergo my procedure and cremation.