Living well is the best revenge.


Nothing upsets me more than that phrase and its various derivatives.

Do you think for a moment that my babysitter, that my father, that Captain Terry Totzke, that Brigadier General Daniel Edward Munro, or any of the plethora of military personnel up the chain of command give a single flying fuck that I did my best to keep my nose clean all of these years?

Do you think that they’re pissed off that I didn’t stick a knife in my femoral or that I didn’t jump off a bridge? They don’t care. They lived in their own little fantasy world.

The babysitter was Jack’s little hero when I talked to Jack in 2015.

The babysitter was the poor misunderstood victim in all of this.

Me, I was the “societal malcontent” frequently jumping from job to job and looking to scam the military for money.

Nobody in the Canadian Forces did anything wrong. They just did their best. They operated under the rules that were in place at the time. It wasn’t their fault they made poor decisions.

Do I get a fucking heavenly reward when my heart finally stops beating?


Is there a magic do-over after I die?


Meanwhile I’m the one living through major depression that was allowed to fester untreated for 33 years and counting.

I’m the one living with severe anxiety that was allowed to fester untreated for 33 years.

I’m the one living with the psychological trauma and genophobia gifted to me by Captain Terry Totzke and the sexual abuse.

I’m the one living in a life of solitude due to my anxiety, my haphephobia and my general mistrust of people.

Powerful people in the DOJ, the DND, and the CAF are running different scenarios at the moment trying to figure out if they should throw me and the other kids from CFB Namao a pittance in the hopes that we shut-up and go away, or if they should tie us up in court for 10 to 15 years while they wait for everyone involved to die off from old age.

The media as it currently exists is not the same media that existed in the ’90s and the ’00s when child sexual abuse was a cause célèbre being championed by just about every news desk around the country. Now the media is mostly foreign owned and consolidated with investigative journalism being reduced to investigating major controversies such as “Are Cadbury creme eggs getting smaller”, and “what new shows is Netflix airing the fall”. With the exception of David Pugliese and Jill Croteau not a single person in the media showed any interest at all, even when the Canadian Forces were tripping over themselves to minimize the fallout from the sexual abuse scandal that got kicked off around 2014, not one single fucking person with the media showed even the slightest interest in who exactly was investigating child sexual abuse on the military bases in Canada.

You would think that when it was revealed in 2020 that the Canadian Forces National Investigation Service had in their possession the 1980 CFSIU investigation paperwork and the 1980 court martial transcripts which both implicate the babysitter in molesting numerous children on the base even though the CFNIS had said in 2011 they couldn’t find ANY evidence at all that the babysitter was capable of committing the crimes that I accused him of that the media would be beating down the fucking door at NDHQ trying to get DND and the CAF to admit that children were sexually abused on military bases and had their matters handled by the same defective military police that couldn’t protect adult service members.


Outside of David Pugliese, not a single fucking interest.

Jenn Blair had tried back around 2012 through 2015, but she got shut down by CBC Go Public brass. The CBC will argue differently, but the reporter they assigned to my story after they removed Jenn was put on my story to close it down and put it to bed. The video interview that was conducted between Jenn and I was destroyed. My story was to become an “interactive timeline” that people could click on if they visited the Go Public website. If I had to hazard a guess, I’d say that the CBC doesn’t believe that males can be the victims of child sexual abuse. It’s either that or they were worried about jeopardizing their funding or losing access to press releases from NDHQ.

Jennifer Tryon of Global’s 16X9 was interested, but short of the military admitting that there was a problem of child sexual abuse in the military Global didn’t feel free to make baseless accusations that could cause them legal issues.

So, here I am.

Treading water on my own.

People will tell me that they know how I feel and they know what I am going through. But they don’t. And the fact that they would dare try to claim they know what I am going through upsets me greatly. They don’t know what I am going through. They just want to make themselves feel better. Kinda like the “thoughts and prayers” that get passed around after another gunman goes on a rampage.

So no, living well isn’t the best revenge.

Brigadier General Daniel Edward Munro has led a very comfortable life since his retirement from the Canadian Forces regardless of the hand he played in the Captain McRae fiasco.

Captain Terry Totzke, same thing. I don’t know if he’s still alive or not. But he probably retired and lived well off of his officer’s pension.

Warrant Officer Richard Gill. Yeah, he no doubt enjoyed his NCO’s pension.

Living well?

That would have required me receiving treatment for all of my issues and being able to have enjoyed a normal life from 1980 onwards.

I survived.

And that’s about it.

I survived.

But I’m tired.

The only things that I am really good at are converting oxygen into carbon dioxide and converting food into shit and piss.

Author: bobbiebees

I started out life as a military dependant. Got to see the country from one side to the other, at a cost. Tattoos and peircings are a hobby of mine. I'm a 4th Class Power Engineer. And I love filing ATIP requests with the Federal Government.

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