Tuesday January 24th 2023

A few days ago I was riding down in the elevator in my apartment building with my Segway scooter.

About 1/2 down another tenant got into the elevator with me. He had his scooter too.

He’s a guy that I’ve seen before. He has a Segway Ninebot. I have the Segway GT.

“Wow man, that’s an awesome scooter!”

Yeah, seems okay so far.

“Dude, that’s not just a scooter, it’s a GT”

Yeah?

“I bet it goes fast?”

I’ve still got the speed restrictor engaged, won’t go over 32 km/h

He has a puzzled look.

I bought this one because it’s heavy, so it eats up the bumps in the road and doesn’t bounce all over the place. I also went with this one as it has a large battery pack, can go long distances, and it can haul my fat arse up the hill without dying halfway up.

And I could see the familiar look coming over his face that said “why the fuck did I even try to make small talk”

I can’t make small talk. I never have. As a kid I was always told to shut my fucking mouth and mind my own fucking business.

I learnt as a kid to not brag, as things that I bragged about were usually the first thing that Richard would destroy when he had a meltdown.

And that’s the thing with me. I don’t get any enjoyment out of things. And even if I do, it’s not long before the self hatred and the self doubt kick in.

It first happened with the motorcycles that I’ve owned over the years. I get a motorcycle, ride it for a season or two, and then lose all interest in it.

I started figure skating back in December of 2006. Hadn’t ice skated since the spring of 1980 on CFB Namao. Won’t get into the story of how I ended up at the West End Community Centre with a pair of rental skates on my feet, but within weeks I was into figure skating.

I had completely forgotten how much I used to love skating. And at first I was trying super hard. Learnt forward and backward 3-turns, brackets, and counter-turns. Crossed Step forward and backward. Mohawks. Scratch spins. I could do a nice Arabesque. And I could do toe-pick work.

What I couldn’t do was anything that involved jumping.

And if there’s anything that figure skating instructors hate, it’s people who are afraid. It slows the class down.

I figures skated with regularity from January 2007 until I had my heart issue in August of 2012. After my angiogram said that my heart arteries were open and unobstructed I was given the okay to resume regular physical activity.

I started skating again, but no where near as frequently as I had done prior to my heart issue.

I stopped skating somewhere around 2017.

I liked skating, but the one thing I really hated was when people would complement me. I know it sounds weird, but it always sounded like the complement was done out of sympathy or was out of sarcasm.

When it became clear that jumping was never going to be something that I was ever going to be able to do I went more towards the dancing side. It’s often said that those who can’t figure skate ice dance instead.

I dancing was enjoyable as long as no one else was around or at least no one who was a figure skater or professional ice dancer. I always thought that these people were looking down on me, so it made it very uncomfortable for me on the ice.

I’d often pick some music that had a nice rhythm and use the rhythm to dictate when I would change a move.

At first learning to respect the toe-picks and the tails and how to skate and make moves without catching either was challenging, but it became much easier with time. I got to the point that if I did inadvertently catch a toe-pick or a tail I could catch it and convert into another skating position.

My fear of the opinions of others , my very negative self image, and my inability to enjoy life has affected almost every point of my life.

I do not enjoy electronics

I do not enjoy computers

I do not enjoy mechanics

I play dumb. I play dumb a lot. Playing dumb means that I don’t have to be put into any embarrassing situations.

Author: bobbiebees

I started out life as a military dependant. Got to see the country from one side to the other, at a cost. Tattoos and peircings are a hobby of mine. I'm a 4th Class Power Engineer. And I love filing ATIP requests with the Federal Government.

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