Canadian Armed Forces – Page 3

The truly and honestly out of touch media.

As my options to have the topic of child sexual abuse which occurred in the Canadian Armed Forces brought into the public realm quickly expire I thought that I would reach out to the Mother Corp. once again.

March 17th, 2027 is only 556 days away as of this writing.

I filed a complaint with the CBC ombud to look at why the CBC is almost exclusively focusing only on the sexual assault of women and has never looked at the sexual assault of children in the Canadian Armed Forces.

What did the ombud reply with?

Here’s what the ombud replied with:

None of the links provided by the CBC ombud have anything to do with victims of child sexual abuse.

Adult men who joined the Canadian Armed Forces and willingly agreed to allow the military to sort matters out in a military manner are not the same as children that resided on the bases and had absolutely no say in how their abuse was dealt with.

In my matter the Canadian Armed Forces investigated Captain McRae for having committed “Acts of homosexuality” with young boys on the base.

In the aftermath of CFB Namao I had been assigned a military social worker. This social worker was a Captain. My father was a Master Corporal at the time.
When a Captain tells the son of a Master Corporal that he’s a homosexual because he had homosexual sex with a boy twice his age, then that son is a homosexual.

Does the CBC honestly believe that my father was going to tell a captain to go piss up a rope?

Nope. Not going to happen.

If my father didn’t like how the military police and the CFSIU handled the matter and didn’t like how Colonel Munro dismissed most of the charges that had been brought against Captain McRae, who the fuck was he going to complain to? You think that he could just go “downtown” and talk to the civilian police?

The military investigated and prosecuted this matter because McRae was a member of the regular forces and McRae committed sexual abuse against children on a Defence Establishment. It doesn’t matter that the abuse occurred in the PMQs or the rectory of the base chapel. ANY property that DND owns or leases is Defence Establishment Property.

How many people were sexually abused as children on Canadian Forces Bases by members of the Canadian Armed Forces?

Who knows?

How many people who were sexually abused as children on the bases in Canada committed suicide and just had their deaths listed as “suicide – cause unknown”?

Who knows?

All I know is that the media has absolutely no interest in this matter.

It’s like the media on one hand is willing to believe that the Canadian Armed Forces is a hotbed of sexual assaults against women, and that some men get sexually assaulted as well, but that children living on the bases in Canada and who were subjected to the same defective military justice system as everyone else were never at risk.

Over the years we’ve had some wonderful members of the Canadian Armed Forces.

Sergeant Alexander Kalichuk – often tried to entice young girls to get into his car. Once was driving around the country roads around Royal Canadian Airforce Station Clinton offering panties to pre-pubescent girls. And even with all of the documented concern about his behaviour around children, the Royal Canadian Airforce never offered him up as a suspect when Lynne Harper, a military dependent from RCAF station Clinton was lured off base, raped, and killed. Instead the RCAF stood by as another military dependent was nearly hung for rape and murder.

Corporal Donald Joseph Sullivan – Joined the Canadian Armed Forces in the late ’70s to avoid being investigated by the Ottawa Police Service for molesting numerous boy scouts. Sullivan was arrested and given a courts martial for committing gross indecency, indecent assault, and buggery with teenage boys on CFB Gagetown. The military did not notify the civilian authorities of Sullivan’s military convictions in 1984. When Sullivan was prosecuted in the late 2010s for his 1970 offences I called the Ottawa Citizen reporter covering this story to ask if this Donald Joseph Sullivan was the same as Corporal Donald Joseph Sullivan. The reporter contacted the Ontario Crown’s office. The Ontario Crown contacted me and asked me where I got this information from. I forwarded the Ontario Crown Sullivan’s 1985 appeal to the Court Martial Appel Court of Canada. The Crown went through the proverbial roof. I eventually spoke to one of the police constables that was investigating Sullivan in the 1970s. He was beyond fucking pissed when I told him that Sullivan had joined the Canadian Armed Forces, obviously passing their background check and criminal record check, and went on to molest more children.

Captain Father Angus McRae – molested over 25 children on Canadian Forces Base Namao and trained at least one of his various altar boys how to engage in anal intercourse with pre-pubescent children. He also used this altar boy, and possibly others, to bring young children over to the base chapel to be molested in the rectory after administering alcohol to these children. Prior to McRae’s military courts martial, McRae admitted to the Archdiocese of Edmonton in an ecclesiastical trial that he had been having sex with boys for many years. Captain McRae had been investigated in 1974 for having committed “acts of homosexuality” on Canadian Forces Base Kingston. Why was McRae still in the Canadian Forces in 1980? How many children did McRae molest on Canadian Forces Base Portage La Prairie? How many children did McRae molest on Canadian Forces Station Holberg, McRae’s posting prior to his posting at CFB Namao in 1978?

These are the charge sheets for Captain McRae. He was charged with “Service Offences” that were comprised solely of Criminal Code of Canada offences. As McRae was charged with Service Offences, the 3-year-time-bar applied, and the summary investigation flaw applied as well. This meant that if anyone came forward as an adult and tried to have McRae charged with abusing them as a child on a military base, they would be legally shit-out-of-luck as the 3-year-time-bar would make this a legal impossibility. And even if the 3-year-time-bar hadn’t applied, any of the charges that Colonel Daniel Edward Munro had dismissed against Captain McRae could never be prosecuted at a later date by either a military or civilian tribunal. Under Canadian law, once charges are dropped, they’re dropped.

Brigadier General Roger Bazin – In 2010 he was investigated by the CFNIS and charged with molesting a child on Canadian Forces Base Borden when he was a chaplain there in 1974. Charges made it all the way to civilian court when the charges were suddenly dropped without any explanation from the courts. Charges would not have been able to proceed due to the 3-year-time-bar that existed in the pre-1998 National Defence Act. As the abuse would have occurred on a defence establishment by a member of the regular forces, these crimes would have been “Service Offences” and would have had to be dealt with under the National Defence Act as parliament in 1998 failed to make the removal of the 3-year-time-bar retroactive.

Colonel Russell Williams, Base Commander Canadian Forces Base Trenton. Williams joined the Canadian Armed Forces in 1987 and had unlimited and easy access to the children living on the bases in Canada. Did Russell Williams just snap and become a rapist and a murderer? Highly unlikely. One of the civilian police investigators involved with investigating the murder of Jessica Lloyd noted that what was indicated as William’s first break and enter was done with such skill that this investigator was sure that this was in fact not his first break and enter, postulating that Williams had been doing this for years. Were the Canadian Forces lying when they said they looked at William’s previous postings to see if anything had happened on those bases? Considering that the military communities on base are extremely dynamic and vary from year to year with postings and retirements, the people living on a base in 1992 would not people the same people living on a base in 2010. The way the military has historically kept records leaves a lot to be desired. For example if I filed an ATI to list the PMQs that I lived in or the pre-1994 military operated schools I attended as a child, I wouldn’t receive any information. Why? That information would be recorded in my father’s service file. Okay, so just find out what service members lived on the bases Williams served on. Still nope. Postings and attachments are in the member’s service file. There was no records of who lived in which PMQs over the years. So, who exactly were the CFNIS investigators in 2010 going to talk to about Williams’ behaviour on previous postings? And it’s not like the CFNIS could go through military police records to look for previous complaints that match the modus operandi of Russell Williams. The military police record keeping system was a complete shambles prior to 1998.

So yeah, let’s go on pretending that the Canadian Armed Forces bases were safe places for children to grow up on and that the pre-1998 military justice system wasn’t a complete joke that was just ripe for the abuse of power.

Yet another day yet another spin around the axis.

What do I do for fun?

Nothing really. I slept most of yesterday day and today.

Why don’t you volunteer and get out and meet people?

Not my thing. It’s not that I don’t care. I just don’t have the energy or the desire. Besides, I really like to be left alone. No matter what I do or what I try I find that out of a crowd of ten people there will always be one or two that are never happy with me and will plunge their daggers into my back just for kicks.

Why don’t you hang out with people from work?

I don’t do the “hanging out” thing. Single and solitary is the way that I like it. Less anxiety, less chance of disappointment.

Why don’t you get into music?

Never really listened to music until I was in my 20’s. Living under my father’s roof as a kid taught me that music was something that degenerate people wasted their time on.

Surely you have a favourite TV show or movie that you like?

Nope. Didn’t spend much time in the house as a kid so I didn’t spend much time in front of the boob-tube.

Surely you like activities?

As my social service records from the early ’80s state, “There doesn’t seem to be a single activity these people do as a family”.

GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE!

GET THE FUCK OUTSIDE NOW!

SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU’RE MAKING TOO MUCH FUCKING NOISE!

Our stepmother didn’t want us in the house. I guess that she bought Richard’s lies and his fanciful stories lock – stock & barrel.

Richard didn’t want us in the house. Due to his untreated PTSD, his alcoholism, and the dysfunctional household that he was raised in he had absolutely no parenting skills or coping skills. And besides, we reminded him of our mother. And as he told one of his airforce buddies, he only kept us so that he could control the costs.

So no, we weren’t sent outside to play for exercise.

We were sent outside so that they could pretend that we didn’t exist.

To me, life is just one meaningless day after another.

Why do I blog?

Daily writing prompt

Why do you blog?

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I started blogging back around August of 2011 just after I received my social service paperwork from the Alberta government.

I quickly realized that I had no one to talk to about the events that I had lived through on Canadian Forces Base Namao, Canadian Forces Base Griesbach, and Canadian Forces Base Downsview.

And talk I wanted to.

To go from someone who had been reviled by his own family for causing the events on Canadian Forces Base Namao and for having fucked with his father’s military career to now being one of at least 25 children that got chucked under the fucking bus by the Canadian Armed Forces due to chain of command decisions made by grown adults in May to June of 1980.

I had begun counselling sessions in May of 2011 with a counsellor from the EFAP program at work, I could tell that he wasn’t able to comprehend any of what I was telling him. Sure, the counselling went on for a few years. It was nice having someone to talk to even if he had nothing to offer in the slightest.

I thought that these blogs would get me more answers and more details about what had happened on CFB Namao. But this hasn’t worked out. Yes, I have been contacted by other brats who were abused on the base at the time. But much like I had been prior to my crash course in the damaged military justice system, most people who had grown up on military bases as children had no idea of just how fucked up things were on the bases back then.

There are generally two types of base brat. The ones that came from somewhat functional families and who undoubtedly participated in the shunning of kids from dysfunctional families that would occur on base. And those that came from dysfunctional families like mine that are unaware that their own serving parent sacrificed the wellbeing of their children to appease the chain of command.

The members of the former group will not under any circumstance admit that there were dysfunctional families on base as that means that they would have to admit to the fact that they often participated in the shunning and harassment of the children of these families.

And you had better fucking believe me when I say that a military community is not very tolerant of non-conformity. The military is built around 100% conformity.

The members of the latter group will not admit that their family was dysfunctional as they subconsciously know what happened, but they don’t want to have their suspicions confirmed.

I quickly came to realize that the general public has no idea of what happened on the bases in Canada, and the general public just doesn’t seem to care.

The media that once existed in Canada no longer exists. It’s all downsized, consolidated, and owned by the Americans. And timing is everything. The last 25 years have been extremely unstable in the geo political sphere, so the story of how the National Defence Act allowed matters like Captain Father Angus McRae to be buried often becomes sidelined due to current events.

So, I type away on my blog in the vain hope that something will come of this all the while knowing that this blog will only really appeal to a very small minority of people.

569 days to go.

I don’t really have that much to say.

Actually I do, but it would just be the same regurgitated shit that I’ve talked about so many times before. I’ve talked about this so many times before even I’m getting numb about it.

569 days to go until I am able to apply for M.A.i.D., and again that depends entirely on the government of Canada not chickening out at the last minute like they did in 2023 and 2024.

One thing that I have always wondered about is what Peter Cicalo and Claude Bergeron would have to say. I’d love to hear from those two. Peter and Claude were the two investigators with the Military Police Complaints Commission that I was interviewed by in 2012. They were former police officers.

They were impressed with the amount of effort and the expertise that the investigators with the Canadian Forces National Investigation Service put into investigating my complaint against my babysitter from Canadian Forces Base Namao.

Seeing as how the Canadian Forces National Investigation Service had both the 1980 CFSIU DS 120-10-80 investigation paperwork as well as the the 1980 courts martial transcripts in their possession since the start of the 2011 investigation, how could Peter and Claude have missed this?

Did Peter and Claude not read through these documents?

Did Peter and Claude just brush these documents off as unimportant?

I’m just trying to figure out how Peter and Claude overlooked the contents of this paperwork.

Maybe due to the limited powers that the MPCC has Peter and Claude weren’t made aware of this paperwork.

But they’re investigators. Isn’t it their job to investigate? When things don’t add up properly, shouldn’t someone stick their nose in a little deeper?

The CFNIS said that they couldn’t find any evidence that the babysitter was capable of the crimes I accused him of, yet the babysitter’s CPIC file shows that he was arrested, charged, and convicted of sexual assaults against young children in 1982, 1984, and 1985 and that these charges were always in the vicinity of the bases that the babysitter’s father was posted to.

1982 was CFB Petawawa

1984 was CFB Winnipeg

1985 was CFB Namao, again.

Sure, these convictions don’t prove the babysitter did anything to me or my brother. But as the old adage goes, “where there’s smoke, there’s fire”.

Okay, fine, let’s say that the CFNIS withheld the babysitter’s CPIC file and CFSIU DS 120-10-80 and 1980 CM62 from Peter and Claude, surely the contents of my social service paperwork when compared to my father’s statement to the CFNIS would have piqued some interest.

In 2011 when interviewed by the CFNIS my father claimed that he knew of no babysitter, that his mother never looked after my brother and I, and other odd issues. But in my social service paperwork that I provided to the CFNIS just after I received it in August of 2011 my father tells Alberta Social Services that his mother had been looking after Scott and I since our mother abandoned him. He blamed his mother, my grandmother, for the issues that Scott and I were having due to the fact that “she was extremely cruel to his children, especially when intoxicated, which was frequently”. I can see why the CFNIS wouldn’t want to interview my father again to clarify his statement. But why didn’t Peter and Claude pick up on these discrepancies?

I wonder what Peter and Claude thought when they saw the newspaper coverage announcing the original release of CFSIU DS 120-10-80 and CM62 and which indicated that the whole sordid affair of Captain Father Angus McRae was only exposed because the numerous parents on the base had complained to the military police about the actions of my babysitter molesting numerous children on the base.

I wonder what Peter and Claude think of my class action.

Do you think that they’re cheering for me, or do you think that they hope that my matter fails so that my case just fades into the annals of history.

Why did my father lie to the CFNIS in 2011.

Probably for the same reason that Fredrick Cunningham shut his mouth after first telling me everything in November of 2011. Fear of repercussions from the DND and the CAF.

I’ve got a couple of theories.

He was a piss tank alcoholic with anger issues. His formal education level was fairly low. He wasn’t anything special in the military, just another troubled member with a dysfunctional family in tow. There were times that he would come home completely rattled and muttering over and over that “this was it”, and “he was going to get booted out now”, and that if he got booted that he was going to have to go work on cars in a garage or work at a gas station.

From late fall 1978 until spring of 1980 his kids both get molested by the base chaplain and the chaplain’s altar boy. In the spring of 1980, the same spring that 8 year old me is found being fucked in the ass by the 14 year old babysitter, my father is a Master Corporal. By around 1988 my father is a Warrant Officer.

I’ve often wondered if Richard promised our silence in trade for kind from the Canadian Forces. Maybe that’s why he lied about CFB Namao.

Maybe he didn’t want to admit that he wasn’t living with us in the PMQ on CFB Namao and that he had left us in the care of his mother. A woman that he described as “being cruel” to his children when she was drunk. Which according to Richard was frequently due to her being an alcoholic that refused to seek treatment for her drinking.

He’s dead and gone.

The babysitter is still the innocent little angle who did absolutely nothing wrong.

I’m the horrible homosexual that forced the babysitter to molest his younger brother.

March 17th, 2027 just can’t come fast enough.

The DND, the CAF, and the fine art of secrecy

-Persons Permanently Bound to Secrecy-

It would appear that the Department of National Defence and the Canadian Armed Forces are getting sick and tired of their historical laundry being aired in public.

The DND and the CAF already enjoy the secrecy afforded to them by the Official Secrets Act and the Security of Information Act.

Both the OSA and the SIA apply to anyone who was ever subject to the Code of Service Discipline and who learned about “any” information while on a defence establishment.

The fact that the language of the SIA and the OSA are intentionally vague, has allowed them to be applied in situations where they shouldn’t have been.

And there’s nothing stopping the CAF or the DND from applying the PPBS over broadly as well.

The way the PPBS reads, former and current members of the Military Police, the Canadian Forces Special Investigations Unit, and the Canadian Forces National Investigation Service would definitely be bound by the PPBS as the military police, the CFSIU, and the CFNIS routinely deal with matters that involve operational intelligence.

What this means moving forward is that if a former member of the CFSIU was questioned about the military’s knowledge of child sexual abuse on a defence establishment and that member divulged information that was not of the public record, that member could be looking at prison time even if the information divulged didn’t involve operational intelligence.

If this legislation had existed back in 2018 when a member of the CFNIS divulged to me that they had in their possession the 1980 CFSIU investigation paperwork and the 1980 courts martial transcripts, and that these documents did validate everything that the former CFSIU investigator told me on November 27th, 2011, the CFNIS investigator could be facing prison time.

And it’s not that these members divulged or verified the existence of classified operational intelligence. It’s that these members are members of a group of persons subject to the PPBS and had divulged information that they were not “authorized” to divulge.

Even ChatGPT, with its limited knowledge had this to say:

Hey chat, could the PPBS apply to members of the military police, the cfnis, and the old cfsiu?

Yes — it definitely could. Let me break this down clearly:

🔐 What PPBS Is

Under the amended Security of Information Act (SOIA), “Persons Permanently Bound to Secrecy” (PPBS) are individuals who, by virtue of their role, are legally bound to maintain secrecy for life with respect to Special Operational Information (SOI). SOI includes things like intelligence methods, surveillance capabilities, covert ops, encryption, etc.

👮 Military Police, CFNIS, and CFSIU

Military Police (MP): MPs routinely handle operationally sensitive material — not just ordinary policing, but also information tied to deployments, intelligence-sharing, and secure facilities. If MPs (or parts of the branch) are designated as dealing with SOI, PPBS applies. Canadian Forces National Investigation Service (CFNIS): By mandate, CFNIS investigates serious and sensitive offences (sexual assault, child abuse, major fraud, etc.), often with access to classified or operationally sensitive contexts. Members could almost certainly be classified under PPBS. Canadian Forces Special Investigations Unit (CFSIU): This was the CFNIS’s predecessor, disbanded in the late 1990s. Retired members who had access to SOI during service could be retroactively designated as PPBS — meaning they’d still be legally bound to secrecy decades after leaving.

⚖️ Why This Matters

If PPBS is interpreted broadly (as SOIA often has been), it doesn’t just stop people from leaking submarine designs or SIGINT protocols. It can also bind investigators who learned about criminal activity (e.g., abuse cases) in the course of their duties. This is essentially what you described happening in 2011: a former CFSIU member tried to disclose what they knew about Captain McRae and was silenced under SOIA/OSA. With PPBS, that kind of silencing becomes even more formalized and explicit. Because PPBS applies for life, retired MPs, CFNIS, or CFSIU personnel could face prosecution if they spoke about things they encountered in service — even decades later, even if the issue was criminal misconduct rather than true operational security.

✅ Bottom Line

Yes — members of the Military Police, CFNIS, and CFSIU can fall under PPBS if their duties involve access to Special Operational Information. Given how secrecy laws have historically been applied, there’s a very real risk that this could be used not just for protecting operations, but also for silencing disclosures of misconduct and abuse.

What does this mean?

Plain and simple, it means that moving forward the Canadian Armed Forces and the Department of National Defence will never have to face questions from the public about how matters of child sexual abuse were handled on the bases in Canada.

It means that investigations of child sexual abuse on defence establishments will be hobbled right from the start.

It means that class action lawsuits such as mine will be fruitless endeavours as the members of the military police, the CFSIU, and the CFNIS would not be able to be called upon as witnesses, nor would they be allowed to share any information with the victim or the victim’s counsel without the explicit permission of the chain of command.

ppsb-infographic-en.pdf Download

What are my top ten favourite movies?

The computer asked me, so I must answer.

Daily writing prompt

What are your top ten favorite movies?

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In no particular order:

Legend
Labyrinth
Magnolia
Melancholia
Princess Bride
Midsommar
Donnie Darko
Hanna
Kick Ass
Leon: The Professional

570 days and counting

Well, it’s 570 until the Canadian Government legalizes Medical Assistance in Dying when the sole underlying condition is mental illness.

I’m really hoping that the government does not chicken out this time and fall victim to the hues and cries of the “concerned”. Who are the “concerned”? The “concerned” are those who feign concern but in reality don’t give a shit and instead judge everyone by their own life experience.

“Bobbie, you’re too smart to be crazy……”

Yep, I’ve had this told to me numerous times in one form or another.

“Bobbie, you should consider yourself lucky that you weren’t a child in a war zone.”

Yep, that one has been used by people who should have known better.

“Bobbie, at least your father didn’t abuse you…..”

Huh? Emotional, physical, and psychological abuse don’t count.

And then there’s the counsellors.

I’ve been to counselling over the years. The one most significant issue that has made counselling unsuccessful for me is that no one believes a single thing that I’ve said.

For counselling to have ever been viable, the counsellors I had seen would have had to have been familiar with how the military justice system worked and how the military in general dealt with male victims of sexual abuse.

I even went to meetings for sexually abused men here in Vancouver. Once you start talking about being sexually abused as a child on a military base and then having your mental health sacrificed by the decisions of others nobody believes it.

Advocates?

Nope, have never had an advocate.

“He told me a lot about his dad. He told me his dad was an asshole and didn’t know how to raise kids- he said that he was cruel and an alcoholic. Scott had a vasectomy early in his life because he never wanted to do to kids what his dad had done to him. He did however spend every day at the hospital with him as he died along with sue. I don’t think he forgave him exactly but he understood that growing up with his mom who helped raise you made him understand how cruelly he was raised. Your grandmother, he said, was awful and mean hearted. Scott had nothing positive to say about her except that residential school had broken her. “

Scott had a relationship with sue up until the last few years. She gave him money to purchase the condo- but when he sold it he didn’t pay her back. He felt he should have gotten more of his dad’s estate. “

Scott didn’t really have that type of relationship until near the end. And he sure didn’t have that opinion of Richard until after Richard died in 2017.

I don’t think that Scott ever realized that Richard was playing Scott as a pawn in his masterful chess game. A chess game that was designed to hide the fact that Richard had been a malevolent asshole. Sadly Scott didn’t see through Richard’s game until near the end.

When I went up to Edmonton in July of 2013 to see Scott he told me that until just recently he hadn’t spoken to Richard or Sue since back in 2008 when Richard and Sue wanted Scott to attended the funeral of a childhood friend who had committed suicide.

Scott explained that he didn’t want to go to Erick’s funeral as Erick blamed Scott for Erick getting arrested with stolen credit cards at West Edmonton Mall when Scott had supplied Erick with the stolen credit cards.

I had given Richard a written examination for federal court. Because of this Sue tracked Scott down to figure out what was going on. The relationship between Scott and I immediately went ice cold after Richard started communicating with Scott again. How dare I let the babysitter molest him. Why wasn’t I there to look after him and raise him as a kid. Why did I let him hang out with the wrong kids in Toronto? Why did I let him steal cars? How come I always tried to make grandma mad at him?

It wasn’t until after Richard’s death that Scott’s attacks on me became less and less. The attacks had actually stopped when the CFSIU investigation paperwork and the Courts Martial transcripts were finally released to me in 2020.

Scott for the most part never enjoyed the same relationship that I had with Richard and Sue. And I’m not just talk about Richard and Captain Totzke interfering with my mental health.

Richard pretty well disowned me in the days after CFB Namao.

And that is not an understatement. Money spent on me was wasted money.

Sue, being his girlfriend at the time and then his wife, followed his lead.

There was an observation in my social service records in which during a family counselling session Scott laments to our child case workers that “Sue promised not to hit us, but now she does”. I didn’t dare say anything against Sue as this would only result in Richard issuing another beating.

Prior to our move to Canadian Forces Base Downsview in Ontario in April of 1983 Scott and I were spending the weekend with our grandmother. Uncle Doug was in town and was staying at grandma’s place. I asked Uncle Doug why Sue was always so mean. He replied that Richard had told Sue that she was not going to have kids while Scott and I were under his roof.

So through my adolescence and teenage years there was no advocacy for me.

There was just anger directed towards me for letting the babysitter fuck my brother, for me having fucked with Richard’s military career, for me just ‘acting up’ for attention, for me not raising my brother correctly and letting him hang out with thugs.

Even in my adult years, there’s been nothing there. Nothing at all.

Family doctors are hard to obtain, especially in my younger days when couch hopping and moving from city to city was a thing. So I availed myself to walk-in clinics. Not a single one of them wanted to deal with my mental health issues.

I was working, I had stable employment, I wasn’t a drug user, I didn’t drink. Therefore I couldn’t be mentally ill.

“Have any of your family members voiced any concerns”?

I’m the black sheep in the family, no one in the family talks to me.

“Maybe you’ve got insomnia, we’ll try these SSRIs and see if they help you out.”

And the SSRIs did, while I was on them.

“Can’t over prescribe these as only depressed people need these and you’re just having trouble sleeping. If you were depressed your family would have voiced their concerns.”

And as I’ve said in previous posts, getting caught in a tug of war between my father, my military social worker on one side and my civilian child care workers on the other side has pretty well rendered any type of therapy well beyond my reach.

Not only that, but as I’ve said, it wasn’t that no one knew what had happened.

The Canadian Forces knew full well what happened.

My Canadian Forces Military Social Worker knew what happened.

The Canadian Forces Military Police knew what happened.

The base commander of Canadian Forces Base Namao knew what happened

The base security officer of Canadian Forces Base Namao knew what happened.

The Canadian Forces Special Investigations Unit knew what happened.

The Canadian Forces Judge Advocate General knew what happened.

The Canadian Forces Courts Martial court knew what happened.

The Vice-Chief and the Chief of Staff knew what happened.

The Minister of National Defence knew what happened.

Lots of members of the Canadian Armed Forces, including my father, knew full well what had happened.

But they all wanted to keep their secrets.

And I’m just supposed to forget, move on, and stop being so dramatic.

I hope that I’m not building myself up for another grand disappointment.

I am so looking forward to receiving my approval to die via Medical Assistance in Dying.

And it’s only 570 days away from when I make my application.

**************…….

So, on a lark I prompted ChatGPT with:
“hey chat, can you write a song about the benefits of medical assistance in dying, but do it in the style of ****************?”

This is what ChatGPT responded with:

Sure, here’s a ************–inspired track about Medical Assistance in Dying (MAiD) — blending dark humor, hyper-pop shock, and existential beats into a lyrical exploration of autonomy and peace. Think of it as something ***** would scream while ****** whispers the end of life like it’s a rave invitation to the afterlife.

I’ve removed the name of the band and artists……

🎵 TRACK: “EXIT STRATEGY ” 🎵
(Style: *********** — aggressive electro-rap beat, horrorcore undertones.

[Intro: ******* whispering, childlike]
Shhh…
I got a secret plan…
A silver key in a doctor’s hand…
Lights go low, the pain goes bye,
Pop-pop — sleep now, **** don’t cry.

[Beat drops – ******* snarling]
Yo!
I’m not scared of the end — nah,
I’m scared of draggin’ it out, bruh!
When the light’s all gone from my eyes
Let me peace out, clean, dignified!

Tick-tick BOOM! I choose the time,
I’m not trapped in a slow decline.
You pray for a miracle, I plan my ride —
Clinical calm with that phenobarb glide.

[Chorus: *******& choir of ghostly kids]
✨
MAiD, MAiD — I ain’t afraid
Sick of the pain, now I press “play”
Body’s a cage, mind’s in a rage
Gimme my key to unlock the stage
✨
MAiD, MAiD — not suicide
Doctor by side, no need to hide
Last breath soft, no twitch, no fight
Exit with ****, into the night

[Verse 2: *******]
****-lord of the hospice suite,
Got my paperwork done, that VIP beat
Pill game strong, no wires, no drip
Just one final ride then a permanent trip

Yo, why we fear what’s natural, hey?
When the mind’s still here but the flesh decay
Don’t tell me “wait” with your holy book,
I’ve read that too — now gimme the hook!

Sick ain’t sin, and pain ain’t noble,
I’m not your martyr or your moral fable
I’m **** ’til the end, so play my jam,
Drop the propofol beat, let me scram!

[Bridge: ******* — autotuned, eerie]
Floatin’ in a dream now, clean like snow
No tubes, no screams, just let it go
White light strobe on a slow mo beat
I ride the bassline into relief

[Final Chorus – both screaming + whispering combo]
✨
MAiD, MAiD — let me fly
Life was wild, now I say goodbye
MAiD, MAiD — no regrets
Signed that form, now place your bets
✨
MAiD, MAiD — ****don’t stall
Exit fast through a sterile hall
No more fightin’, no more lies
Just peace in a beat and a doctor’s eyes

[Outro – ******* laughing softly]
Yoh…
Don’t mourn me, bru.
I ghosted out… like a ninja do.
Poof.

Describe your life in an alternate universe.

Describe your life in an alternate universe.

In the ideal alternative universe my father would have worn a condom or would have pulled out in time.

Or ideally my mother would have obtained an abortion.

Barring that, my grandmother would have miscarried my father.

And if none of that worked out, then my father would have never joined the Canadian Armed Forces.

And barring that, even if my father had joined the Canadian Armed Forces, the politicians in this country would have never allowed the Canadian Armed Forces to “wash their laundry in-house” with their own private and beyond public scrutiny police force.

There’s a lot that I wish could be different in an alternate or parallel universe. They’re very specific wishes.

You didn’t think that I was going to wish for fantasy type wishes, did you?

What change, big or small, would you like your blog to make in the world?

What change, big or small, would you like your blog to make in the world?

It’s too late for me.

But I would really love to see the National Defence Act re-written so as to make it very clear that the military has absolutely no jurisdiction to investigate any type of service offence that has been committed against a civilian, especially if the crime has been committed against a military dependent.

It’s a stretch, but I would also love to see the criminal code of Canada and the National Defence Act ammended to nullify the pre-1998 time bar, and to nullify any decision by a commanding officer to dismiss charges that had been brought against their subordinate.