Tag: Bees

The fear of M.A.i.D. for mental illness.

I really don’t understand why there is so much fear and disinformation surrounding Medical Assistance in Dying for mental illness.

Shawn Watley recently wrote an article for the MacDonald Laurier Institute which was really nothing more than a Henny Penny Chicken Little “the sky is falling” screed against Medical Assistance in Dying.

https://macdonaldlaurier.ca/were-way-beyond-the-slippery-slope-we-need-new-criteria-for-maid-shawn-whatley-in-the-national-post/

You know what, fine, if Dr. Watley thinks that he can fix everyone and save everyone, then he should stop wasting time and get his magical cure-all elixir approved by Health Canada and on to pharmacy store shelves across Canada.

It’s one thing for people like Dr. Watley to tut-tut persons wishing to obtain M.A.i.D. for mental illness, but it’s something completely different for those with longstanding mental health issues that wish to pursue M.A.i.D. to have to endure prolonged suffering just for the sake of vanity causes for doctors like Dr. Watley.

I have a sneaking suspicion that Dr. Watley is of the “you simply haven’t tried hard enough to fix your own mental illness” crowd. People like this seem to form the majority in mental health care practitioners. According to these type of doctors, unless you’ve literally popped every type of pharmaceutical, and have tried every type of therapy, you just haven’t tried hard enough.

I can only wonder what wonderful advice Dr. Watley could offer to someone that had their brain fucked with by a military social worker when they were a child living on a Canadian Forces base.

If a person can’t enjoy life, can’t find pleasure in life, keeps fighting with the demons of child sexual abuse, child emotional abuse, child physical abuse, has fought major depression and severe anxiety all of their life, why should this person have to keep existing of they no longer wish to exist.

Why should people like myself have to continue suffering just to keep Dr. Watley and his ilk of like minded physicians happy with the idea that they “saved us” from the evils of death.

My brother died of a drug overdose back in early August of this year. A drug overdose that was no doubt brought on by the years of mental suffering due to growing up in our father’s extremely dysfunctional home and the sexual abuse that we endured for two years on Canadian Forces Base Namao from 1978 until 1980.

I am envious of my brother. He no longer feels pain. He no longer has the memories. No financial worries. Nothing. It’s all gone and it’s all over for him. The babysitter can no longer bother him, Captain Father Angus McRae can no longer bother him, our father, Warrant Officer Richard Wayne Gill can no longer bother him.

The world has gone on existing without him.

Me?

I’m just sticking around long enough to clear my name, which hopefully won’t be too much longer. Hopefully my class-action against the Canadian Armed Forces is wrapped up around 2027, and hopefully Medical Assistance in Dying is legalized for mental illness by 2027, as I would love nothing more than to never be bothered by my memories of the physical and mental abuse at the hands of my father, the mental abuse at the hands of Canadian Forces military social worker Captain Terry Totzke, the sexual abuse at the hands of the babysitter and the base chaplain, Captain Father Angus McRae, both from Canadian Forces Base Namao, or the years of diagnosed but untreated major depression and severe anxiety.

But, I have a feeling that people like Dr. Shawn Watley don’t really care about my mental health. I think that they’re more concerned with the appearance of caring than they are with realizing that not everything is curable and not everything can be treated and that a person must have full and complete autonomy to make choices for the own lives otherwise they are just being punished and forced to endure and existence of very little meaning but of constant mental anguish.

The art of the shuffle.

My one deepest fear of the babysitter came true.

Because my father and Captain Totzke used to both blame me for what happened on Canadian Forces Base Namao and for allowing the babysitter to molest my younger brother, I was always hesitant to tell my counsellors about what had happened on Canadian Forces Base Namao.

Because of that I was always fearful that by not saying anything that the babysitter would go on to molest more kids.

In 2012 I found my fears to have been well founded.

What I didn’t take into account though was that the Canadian Armed Forces and the Department of National Defence would have moved a sexual predator from one base to another across Canada, giving this predator access to “fresh meat”.

But, that’s what they did.

In the aftermath of Canadian Forces Base Namao the Canadian Forces posted the babysitter’s family to Canadian Forces Base Petawawa in Ontario. Not only did this give the babysitter access to young children living on Canadian Forces Base Petawawa, but it also gave the babysitter access to children living in the towns around CFB Petawawa.

The babysitter was arrested, charged, and convicted in 1982 for molesting a young boy in a small town just north of CFB Petawawa.

Considering the number of children living on CFB Petawawa, I wouldn’t be surprised if the babysitter had molested children on the base, but with the base military police looking after the investigation of the sexual abuse of any child living on base, I’m not surprised that the Canadian Forces didn’t find any victims on the base. And I have no doubt in my mind that if former military dependents that were molested as children on CFB Petawawa by the babysitter did come forward like I had in 2011 with complaints against the babysitter that the CFSIU / CFNIS would have given them a dog ‘n’ pony show investigation like I got.

The babysitter then ended up in Manitoba on one of the CFBs there. It was either CFB Winnipeg or CFB Portage la Prairie. The babysitter was charged and convicted for molesting an 8-year-old in 1984. What’s not clear is if this child was a military dependent or was the child of a civilian family living off the base. If I was a gambling person I’d have to say that this was a civilian child living in a town or city near the base.

The babysitter and his family ended up back at Canadian Forces Base Namao in late 1984 / early 1985. The babysitter molested a 9 year old boy living on Canadian Forces Base Namao. This time however the Canadian Forces gave the babysitter’s father an ultimatum, either the babysitter move out of the military housing on base or the family would be ejected from the military housing.

By this time the babysitter would have been months shy of his 20th birthday.

The babysitter’s father rented the babysitter an apartment in the west end of Edmonton into which the babysitter lured a 13 year old newspaper carrier and molested the newspaper carrier.

The babysitter was convicted of both crimes in August of 1985 in a courtroom in Edmonton.

Most victims of child sexual assault never come forward. So how many other children living on Canadian Forces Bases that had sudden personality changes due to their interactions with the babysitter, we’ll never know.

How many of these children would have been spared sexual abuse at the hand of the babysitter had the Canadian Armed Forces simply called in the Royal Canadian Mounted Police to deal with the babysitter in the spring of 1980 instead of deciding to not inform the RCMP in order to keep the public from finding out the true extents of the child sexual abuse on Canadian Forces Base Namao?

No one will ever know.

I know that the Canadian Armed Forces and the Department of National Defence have the resources to find the other victims, but they have absolutely no interest in doing so.

I remember reading in the MacLean’s expose titled “The CFB Gagetown Rape Controversy” how the Canadian Forces responded to this by simply posting the perpetrators off to different bases.

It’s even mentioned in the 1996 report that was commissioned by the Canadian Armed Forces titled “Canadian Forces response to spousal abuse in military families” that postings were often used to make problems go away.

How many other victims of the poor decisions of the Canadian Armed Forces are there out there?

How many of these victims of the babysitter or other sexual predators on the bases had to deal with the rage of their fathers for having “fucked with their military careers”?

How many of the other victims of the babysitter have never had their crimes investigated because they couldn’t remember the babysitter’s name or what PMQ he lived in?

How many of these victims had to deal with the tendency of the Canadian Armed Forces to “blame and shame the victim”.

How many times did the Canadian Armed Forces consciously interfere with the attempts of civilian social services to protect the children of military families from the abuse of their unstable serving parent?

How many times did the Canadian Armed Forces post military families from one province to another to avoid the apprehension of military dependents.

Remember, in June of 2011 the Canadian Forces National Investigation Service told the Royal Canadian Mounted Police that charges were unlikely in my complaint due to a complete lack of evidence. This even though the CFNIS had in their possession the 1980 CFSIU paperwork and the 1980 court martial transcripts that both explained that the babysitter had been investigated by the base military police due to the complaints of numerous parents that the babysitter was molesting children.

Remember that on November 4th, 2011 I was contacted by the CFNIS and told that the CFNIS could find no indication that the babysitter was capable of committing the crimes that I had accused him of even though the CFNIS had the 1980 CFSIU paperwork, the 1980 court martial transcripts, and the babysitter’s CPIC records that recorded his charges and convictions from 1982, 1984, 1985(x2), and many more.

A little trip.

Just on my way to the island for a quick little weekend trip.

I haven’t been to the island since back in the early aughts.

Just wanted to get out of the city for the weekend.

Decided to try out the new Hullo ferry service. Well, it’s not really new, it’s been operating since last year.

Normally getting to the island is a royal pain in the ass. Nothing wrong with BC Ferries, but those ferries are dedicated to car culture. And the ferry terminals are only really accessible via highways meant for cars. The whole experience from BC Ferries isn’t that great for someone who just wants to take a quick trip to the island.

One can take the bus to the ferry terminal, but still you can tell that the terminals and the ferries are geared towards drivers.

Hullo on the other hand operates from Downtown Vancouver to Downtown Nanaimo. And the fares aren’t that expensive either.

Just wanted to get out of the city for the weekend.

Spending way too much time at work. I’m currently filling two positions at work. My position as chief engineer, and the assistant chief engineer’s position as well. So much overtime. Probably way too much overtime.

So far my YTD is $112,000.00. And I have two months to go in this year.

I don’t mind working all this time. Work is all that I’ve done my entire life.

I started working way back in 1982. By 1987 I was on my own and working full-time. I think work is what has distracted me all these years. Kept me from realizing just how fucked up my childhood had been and just how much of a basket case I was.

Work has always been a double edged sword though.

I work at levels well above what my formal education and my mental health should allow me to work at. You’d think that this is great, but it causes a lot of conflict. See, as a 4th class power engineer I’m just supposed to rubber stamp what contractors want to do. I’m not supposed to have valid opinions about building automation. I’m sure as hell not supposed to be able to build BACnet networks and add them in and make them function.

But I do.

And it makes me realize just how badly I got fucked all those years ago.

Activist Judges

Activist judges are never a good thing. Judges should always strive to impartial and to not let their personal opinions or personal beliefs and biases cloud their decisions. Themis is depicted wearing a blindfold and holding a scale. She is blindfolded so that she can only judge based upon the weight of the evidence placed upon her scales. Themis is not supposed to bow before any king, politician, or god. Rich and poor, religious and atheist are all supposed to be equal before her.

It’s always a scary thing when activist judges use their power to exert their personal views upon others.

I can’t find too much on Justice Simon R. Coval, other than he practiced commercial litigation before being appointed to the BC Supreme Court. You gotta ask yourself, how does a commercial litigator get to force someone to live if they don’t want to live.

And reading his reasoning for his judgement isn’t all that awe inspiring.

More of the “I know what’s good for you” father knows best B.S..

Gotta wonder if the outcome of this matter would have been any different had it been the husband that wanted to obtain M.A.i.D and the wife tried to stop the procedure vs. the wife wanting to obtain M.A.i.D. and the husband wanting to stop the procedure.

From the article “Coval said he recognized the injunction “is a severe intrusion into (the woman’s) personal and medical autonomy.”

“I can only imagine the pain she has been experiencing and I recognize that this injunction will likely make that worse,” he said. “

So, he was cognizant of the pain this woman is enduring, and he even acknowledged that this judgement was going to make things worse for this woman. But he obviously didn’t care when it came to imposing his opinion on another person.

Simon then takes of his commercial litigator’s hat and puts on his neuroscience expert’s hat and concludes “As I’ve said, the evidence suggests (her) situation appears to be a mental health condition or illness without a link to any physical condition and it may not only be remediable, but remediable relatively quickly,” he said.

Let me tell you a little secret about mental health treatment and mental health therapy Simon. All this shit does is teaches you how to mask your fucking issues so that no one has to hear your whinging and suffering.

That’s what the pills are for.

That’s what the therapy is for.

I’m the one who came from a dysfunctional military household.

I’m the one who endured the rage and anger of an alcoholic member of the Canadian Armed Forces.

I’m the one who was raised by his alcoholic grandmother that was suffering mental trauma from her time in Indian Residential School.

I’m the one who spent two years being sexually abused by his babysitter and escorted over to the base chapel to be given wine by a chaplain who would be charged with child sexual abuse.

I spent three years receiving “conversion therapy” from a military social worker that was hellbent on keeping a lid on the truth about CFB Namao.

I’m the one who had the military justice system slam the door in his face in 1977, 1980, 1984, 1985, 1990, 2011, 2018.

The Canadian Armed Forces helped my father avoid my apprehension by Alberta Social Services by transferring my father out of the jurisdiction of Alberta when Captain Totzke was informed about my impending apprehension.

I’m the one who spent his teenage years on Canadian Forces Base Downsview enduring the wrath of his father for having “fucked with his military career” and receiving physical abuse and mental abuse instead of receiving help with this diagnosed major depression and severe anxiety.

I’m the one who had to live with a father whose sole reason for keeping custody of the children he hated was so that he could control the costs.

I’m the one who had to live their life hating everything about themselves because that’s what was drilled into their fucking head.

And I am beyond fucking tired.

Pills don’t fucking work.

Therapy is all about telling your counsellor what they want to hear.

So I really don’t need an activist judge such as Simon R. Coval opining their personal beliefs.

I can promise you that if Coval had to walk 50 metres in my shoes he’d be a fucking babbling pile of tears begging for it to end.

I wasn’t wanted as a kid.

My parents got drunk and fucked.

That’s it.

That’s all.

My father always said that my mother tricked him into getting her pregnant so that she could trap him in the marriage.

My mother said that Richard was the one who wanted a kid, until he realized that he’d have to look after it.

I wasn’t wanted in the first place.

I don’t want to be here any longer than I have to be.

And I’m not going to let some activist judge like Justice Simon R. Coval, commercial litigator and neuroscientist deny me M.A.i.D. when M.A.i.D. finally becomes available.

Perceived Isoloation

If there’s one thing that the Canadian Armed Forces, the Department of National Defence, and the Department of Justice rely heavily upon it’s the public’s willingness to believe that each and every base in Canada operated in a complete vacuum from the other bases in Canada, almost as if each base in Canada was operated independently by a franchisee.

Each and every member of the Canadian Armed Forces, whether they be in the regular forces or the reserve forces, is recruited by the Canadian Armed Forces, is vetted by the Canadian Armed Forces, is trained by the Canadian Armed Forces, and employed by the Canadian Armed Forces.

Under the military’s own “unique” justice system, especially in the days prior to 1998, these members were disciplined by the Canadian Armed Forces for service offences which were comprised of military and criminal code offences.

What this means is that in days of yore the Canadian Armed Forces were able to keep its dirty laundry out of the public eye. And when the public did catch a sneak peak of child abuse or spousal abuse on the bases, it was always easy to portray that event as being a “one off” isolated event, instead of a tell-tale sign of a larger systemic problem.

Don’t let the Canadian Armed Forces and the Department of National Defence hoodwink you by spinning the lack of convictions or even the lack of charges as being an indication of the low rates of crime on the bases. The chain of command was practically designed to keep these secrets hidden with the summary investigation flaw and the three-year-time-bar flaw.

My father was a piss-tank alcoholic when he joined in 1963. He didn’t get his alcoholism under control until sometime in the mid ’80s.

Russell Williams didn’t start his raping and murdering spree after he left the Canadian Forces.

Alexander Kalichuk wasn’t sexually attracted to young girls only after he left the Canadian Armed Forces

Roger Bazin didn’t become sexually attracted to young boys only after he left the Canadian Armed Forces.

Donald Jospeh Sullivan didn’t become sexually attracted to young boys only after he left the Canadian Armed Forces.

Angus Alexander McRae didn’t molest young boys only after he left the Canadian Armed Forces.

The members of the Canadian Armed Forces that killed Shidane Arone after luring the teenager on to a base in Somalia by using food set up as a lure didn’t kill Shidane after they left the military. They were already racists and white supremacists before they joined the military.

Whatever vetting process the Canadian Armed Forces had in place obviously wasn’t up to the task of keeping the baddies out of the military.

When it comes to Russell Williams you have to remember that he agreed to plead guilty to all of the charges so long as the Ontario Crown didn’t prosecute Williams for the sizeable child porn collection that he had on a hard drive hidden in his house. Most of the underwear that he stole when he broke into the houses around Tweed belong to young girls, not women. An investigator with the Tweed police department that investigated Williams noted that the level of competency that Williams exhibited even on his “first” break and enters shows that these weren’t the first break and enters that Williams would have committed. How many bases that Williams was stationed on prior to his arrest did he commit break and enters in the military housing? You’ll have to pardon me when I don’t believe the Canadian Forces when they say that their own military police investigated and couldn’t find anything out of the ordinary on any base that Williams had been at previously.

When Lynne Harper was found murdered just off base at Royal Canadian Air Force station Clinton, the RCAF failed to mention that Alexander Kalichuk had relations with the Harper family. Lynne’s father was an officer in the RCAF at RCAF Stn Clinton. Steven Truscott’s father was an enlisted man at RCAF Stn Clinton. And Sgt. Kalichuk was also working on RCAF Stn Clinton. Kalichuk had been found driving on the country roads on the outskirts of the base offering free panties to young girls if they’d get in his car and go for a ride with him. When investigated by the local police Kalichuk told the police that he had bought the box of panties as a birthday gift for the 9 year old daughter of a coworker on the base, but that the party was cancelled and he didn’t want to simply throw the panties away. The Royal Canadian Air Force was willing to keep quiet about Kalichuk even if it meant the death of Steven Trusscott.

My own father retired from the Canadian Armed Forces in 1993 with a full pension. For most of his career he was a piss-tank. Most of his postings were to outrun social services.

When I met my mother again in 1990, one of the things she asked me was if my father had ever tried to touch me in a sexual manner. I gave her a very conditional no. I told her that Richard had never touched me, but I was pretty certain that had I been a girl things would have been different. Would my own father have sexually assaulted young girls on base? I can’t say no. He loved his women young. And he also viewed women as being stupid, and dumb. Basically just objects. And he was also a womanizer. Even when he was dating Sue, he was seeing other women.

Child sexual abuse on the bases was never openly talked about, but we knew. Just like child physical abuse and child neglect.

But with child sexual abuse, child physical abuse, child neglect being classed as “service offences” if they occurred on base in the military housing or anywhere else on the base proper, it would be the base military police investigating and then the commanding officer of the accused deciding if these charges would proceed to tribunal, be converted into other charges, or would simply be dismissed.

The way that Richard was with my brother and I was just something that we accepted as normal. Not every other father was like my father, but enough were that it was normal. And what was even worse was that the “nice” fathers never stopped our fathers when our fathers were raging out of control after a night of heavy drinking or when the hangovers hit hard after numerous nights of drinking.

The closest that another member ever came to involving themselves with my family was Bill Parker on CFB Downsview in the days in the aftermath of Richard’s total meltdown in the PMQ on Stanley Green Park. Bill acknowledged that he was aware of the abuse, and the drinking, and Richard’s temper. Bill even offered up a couch in his PMQ if I needed a place to stay while Richard calmed down, just like my mother and I used to in Nova Scotia. But in the end Bill defended my father by claiming that the Canadian Forces never looked after him in the aftermath of the HMCS Kootney event. “Oh Bob, I wish you had the chance to know your father before that day”.

When I got my first job working in a bowling centre that hosted children’s parties on the weekends it really blew my fucking mind to see kids running around and screaming at each other, kids begging their parents for more money to play a video game, and just in general being kids. There were no backhands being issued, there were no orders being barked. No fathers would bellow for their kids to “shut the fuck up, sit the fuck down, and don’t move a fucking muscle until I tell you to move”. Not a single child would leave the bowling centre with a bloody lip.

Nowadays, the Canadian Armed Forces and their cheerleaders jump all around with their pom-poms yelling Rah-Rah cheers and telling us to move-on and to simply get-over-it.

How do you get over the single most horrifying time in your life?

Especially when the Canadian Armed Forces control the narrative, control the information, control the investigations, don’t ever have to worry about pre-1998 offences, and enjoy the secrecy that the Security of Information act grants to the Canadian Armed Forces.

The Shoreline room

Just in case you’ve been at St. Paul’s recently and you’ve seen construction going on in the former contractor parking lot and you’ve wondered what’s going on, well this is the Shoreline room.

I won’t get too much into the politics behind this. But it’s not being run by St. Paul’s or Providence Health Care. It’s being built and operated by Vancouver Coastal Health.

B.C. negotiates workaround to allow St. Paul’s Hospital patients to access MAiD

It honestly sucks knowing that I’m going to have to wait until March of 2027 to see if the Government of Canada finally has the balls to let me obtain M.A.i.D. for mental illness, or if I’m going to have to turn to alternative methods.

I was really looking forward to the legalization of M.A.i.D. for mental illness in March of 2021, but the government caved.

And then came March of 2023, but again the government caved at the last minute.

So, now I have to wait until March of 2027.

Will the government cave again, or will the government make the requirements to qualify for M.A.i.D. so fucking onerous that I’ll die of old fucking age or suicide before M.A.i.D. becomes a possibility.

I wish the my emotions hadn’t been destroyed when I was a kid.

Maybe people would actually believe me when I say that my brain is so fucking numb all of the time.

As a kid growing up on Canadian Armed Forces bases, I learnt to just keep my fucking mouth shut. My father was an abusive piss-tank alcoholic that blamed every issue that he had on others.

Living on base was just like living in a company town. Everybody minded their own fucking business. No matter how physical my father would become, everyone just minded their own business.

No matter how fucking drunk my father was in the PMQ and how out of control he was, nobody ever said anything. Everyone just minded their own fucking business.

When my grandmother moved into the PMQ to raise my brother and I, she drank worse than my father. And when my father was home both him and his mother would get into some really spectacular yelling matches and fights.

She lived by the maxims of “children are to be seen and not heard”, and “children only speak when spoken to”. She must have had those beat into her skull when she went to Indian Residential School as a child. As fucked up as my father was, she was fucked up even worse.

My father, being a member of the regular force, said sweet fuck all when orders and instructions were given in the aftermath of Captain McRae’s sexual fiasco on Canadian Forces Base Namao. Sure my father was enlisted, and sure, he was legally obligated to follow the “lawful” commands of his superiors, but for fuck’s sake he could have grown a pair and quit the military.

What type of sick self interested fuck wants to work for an employer that wants to hide the sexual misdeeds of his coworker? Yes, when you think about it, Captain Father Angus McRae was my father’s co-worker. Actually, superior would be more like it.

And then we have Captain Totzke. Sure, Totzke was only following orders. But interfering with the mental health wellbeing of a child that was traumatized by 2 years of sexual abuse? That takes a special kind of self interested prick. And of course, my father being the ball less wonder that he was, dutifully obeyed the “lawful” commands of Captain Totzke.

So yeah, over the years I had to learn to hide the major depression and the severe anxiety. After all, nobody likes a depressed whiner that fucking worries too much. So if you want to stay employed, you gotta hide that shit.

Richard was always willing to assist me in not crying by using his backhand or the belt.

Bobbie, why didn’t you get counselling?

Counselling for fucking what?

I didn’t find out until I was 40 that I had actually been diagnosed with major depression and severe anxiety and that my issue wasn’t that I was suffering from “homosexuality” like Captain Totzke and my father said I was.

After the fucking hell that I got put through back in 1981 through 1983 being caught between my civilian child care workers and the military social worker how the hell am I ever going to feel comfortable around a counsellor.

My father was well adept at making sure that I told people what he wanted them to hear.

This is why being able to obtain M.A.i.D. means so much for me. I don’t want to be here anymore. Actually I’ve never wanted to be here.

There is absolutely no point to my existence. My parents fucked, my mother got pregnant, and I popped out. With 7.5 billion people currently on the planet, this is not a miracle.

If anyone really cared, they would understand my desires instead of giving me fake and meaningless parables of wisdom.

The independence of the military police.

Just thought that I would make a post about the imaginary independence of the Canadian Forces Military Police and the Canadian Forces National Investigation Service from the Chain of Command.

The base MPs and the CFNIS along with its predecessor, the CFSIU, have never been free of the chain of command. The investigators with these agencies are at all times soldiers first and police officers second. These soldiers, just as all other soldiers, are bound by the National Defence Act to obey the lawful commands of their superiors.

And yes, there is a difference between legal and lawful. Member of the Canadian Armed Forces generally don’t have the time and the ability to consult with a legal officer to determine if a lawful command is in fact a legal command.

And this poses a massive problem for persons such as myself who have actions against the Department of National Defence and the Canadian Armed Forces for abuse and neglect that we endured at the hands of members of the Canadian Armed Forces.

In the spring of 1980 the military police commenced an investigation of my babysitter due to the numerous complaints of inappropriate sexual touching of other children living on the base. The investigation quickly exposed the fact that Canadian Armed Forces officer Captain Father Angus McRae was running a child sexual abuse ring on the base.

There were three boys involved with escorting children over to the living quarters attached to the chapel. One of these boys was my babysitter.

You would think that the military police would have wanted to string Captain McRae up with as many charges possible. But that’s not the way that the military justice system worked then.

In May of 1980, after the base military police investigated the babysitter for molesting children, base security officer Captain David Pilling instructed CFSIU Acting Section Commander Warrant Officer Fredrick R. Cunningham to investigate Captain Father Angus McRae for having committed acts of “homosexuality” with young boys on the base. The use of the term “acts of homosexuality” indicated that the Canadian Armed Forces already viewed McRae’s victims not as victims, but as homosexuals participating in homosexual activities.

Now, this is where things become very bad for the victims of Captain McRae that were under the age of 14.

The Canadian Armed Forces could only prosecute for the crimes of Gross Indecency, Indecent Assault, and Buggery so long as consent was a possibility. This fact was raised in the Court Martial Appeal Court finding of Regina vs. Corporal Donald Joseph Sullivan which was held in 1985.

Captain McRae’s commanding officer was Colonel Daniel Edward Munro, the base commander of Canadian Forces Base Namao. In 2017 as a result of me asking a CFNIS investigator if they could talk with retired Brigadier General Daniel Edward Munro to find out what transpired of CFB Namao in 1980 the office of the JAG replied that due to the 3-year-time-bar that existed in 1980, no charges could ever be brought against Munro so the CFNIS declined to talk to him.

In 1980 it would have been the commanding officer of the accused that would have decided what type of investigation McRae would be subjected to and how in-depth the investigation would be.

Colonel Daniel Edward Munro along with his chain of command would have known that the Captain McRae couldn’t be subjected to a courts martial for any crime committed against a child under the age of 14. Munro and his superiors would have known that to prosecute McRae for abusing any child under the age of 14 the Morinville RCMP would have had to be called in. And this would mean that McRae would be prosecuted in the civilian justice system where the military would not have been able to place a “veil of secrecy” around the whole affair.

This is why it was either Colonel Daniel Edward Munro or his superiors that wouldn’t allow the Base MPs to contact the Morinville RCMP to deal with the babysitter. They weren’t trying to protect the babysitter. They were trying to keep this whole mess from getting out into the public eye. Once the RCMP started investigating the babysitter, and once the babysitter mentioned the other boys and that they were bringing children as young as 4 over to the chapel the military would have lost control of the whole matter

Once the CFSIU completed its investigation of Captain McRae for sexually abusing children, the charges weren’t referred to the Alberta Crown Prosecutor for review. McRae was being charged with sections of the Criminal Code of Canada that were enumerated into the National Defence Act as Service Offences. Service offences were not in the purview of the provincial crowns. The charges were instead reviewed by the commanding officer of the accused. Which again in this case was Colonel Daniel Edward Munro, the base commander of Canadian Forces Base Namao.

An interesting thing about Colonel Daniel Edward Munro is that EVERY member of the regular force and the reserves located on Canadian Forces Base Namao was Munro’s subordinate. There is no requirement for an officer with the Chain of Command to follow the command structure when issuing commands to subordinate.

At work, if a manager from a department makes an unrealistic request of me or my subordinates, I can ask that manager to address my department manager. And I have the union to back me up on that. In the Canadian Forces you don’t have that ability.

In the Canadian Forces, if you don’t do as your superiors tell you to, you run the risk of being charged with insubordination. Basically you do as you’re told and you can only ignore the order you were given if someone else superior to you instructs you to ignore that order.

Members of the Canadian Forces subject to orders from and decisions by Colonel Munro included, but were not limited to:

  • my father
  • the father of the babysitter
  • the serving parents of the other two boys suspected of bringing kids to McRae
  • the serving parents of the other abused children
  • the investigators within the CFSIU
  • the investigators within the Base MPs
  • military social workers like Captain Lynda Tyrell and Captain Terry Totzke.

Once the Chain of Command decided that the Captain Father Angus McRae matter was going to be dealt with through the military justice system, that was it. This is not to be questioned.

When I talked to Claude Adams of Global News in 2014 about the Captain McRae sex scandal from CFB Namao, Claude assured me that if he was in the Canadian Forces and if the military didn’t want to charge McRae with abusing his children that he’d just go marching down to the city police and lay charges himself.

That’s not how this works. If Claude did that, that would have been an immediate courts martial.

Yes, the ignorance by the Canadian public of how the military works is quite alarming.

Why would the Canadian Armed Forces go through all of this just to keep the McRae matter out of the media? Wouldn’t this have shown the Canadian Public that the Canadian Armed Forces does not tolerate child sexual abuse under any circumstance?

No. That’s not the way the Canadian Forces operated, especially not during the Cold War. The Canadian Armed Forces, much like many other “western” militaries had waged a war against homosexuality as it was seen as a weakness that the Soviets could exploit via entrapment and blackmail to recruit spies.

During the period of the Captain McRae child abuse sex scandal the Government of Canada employed the “fruit machine” to weed out homosexuals. The Canadian Forces had CFAO 19-20.

So imagine the military’s reluctance to prosecute Canadian Armed Forces OFFICER Captain Father Angus McRae for sexually abusing over 25 children on Canadian Forces Base Namao in direct view of the Base MP detachment.

Imagine if the Canadian public had discovered via a public trial that McRae had inappropriate sexual relations with children on other Canadian Forces Base and Canadian Forces Stations that Captain McRae had been moved to by the Canadian Armed Forces.

Can you imagine Colonel Daniel Edward Munro’s fear of having his command ability called into question as it was his Base MPs that failed to detect Munro’s direct subordinate molesting the children of enlisted personnel on the base that Munro was ultimately responsible for the security of?

To top it off, Captain McRae had been investigated at the Royal Military College at Canadian Forces Base Kingston for “Acts of homosexuality” in 1974. It’s not like CFB Kingston and CFB Namao are separate entities. They’re both Canadian Forces Bases under the same command chain and policed by the same police force. So it’s not like anyone in the chain of command on CFB Namao could plead ignorance to Captain McRae’s previous investigation for “acts of homosexuality” in 1974?

Why wasn’t McRae tossed out of the military in 1974? Was it because the military police or the CFSIU couldn’t find enough evidence? No. It doesn’t matter what the Base MPs or the CFSIU found. McRae’s commanding officer would have had the ultimate authority to dismiss the charges that had been brought against Captain McRae.

Even in 2011, the CFNIS had the 1980 CFSIU paperwork and the 1980 courts martial transcripts in their hand, but there was no way that the Canadian Armed Forces were going to allow charges to be brought against the babysitter.

Why?

Angus McRae didn’t die until May 20th, 2011. 3-1/2 months after the start of the investigation. And this posed a massive problem for the CFNIS.

While the CFNIS would have been free to bring charges against the babysitter, the CFNIS would never have been able to charge Angus McRae for ANY service offence that he had committed while subjected to the Code of Service Discipline.

Two flaws that existed in the National Defence Act prior to December of 1998 ensure that child molesters who abused children on Canadian Armed Forces bases in Canada ensure that these abusers nor their victims will ever receive justice.

See, even though the flaws were removed, there was no legislation enacted that retroactively allowed the crown prosecutor to become involved with reviewing charges laid by the base military police or the CFSIU prior to the commanding officer of the accused conducting their Summary Investigation as required under the National Defence Act.

In 1980, after the laying of charges by the military police or the CFSIU, all charges were required to be reviewed by the commanding officer of the accused. This included not only charges of a purely military nature, but ALL criminal code charges enumerated into the National Defence Act. The commanding officer had the full authority to dismiss any and all charges, including criminal code offences.

When Bill C-25 passed in 1998 the 3-year-time-bar flaw and the summary investigation flaw were removed, but there was no language added that allowed the base military police or the CFSIU / CFNIS to bypass the language that existed prior to 1998 and to refer service offence charges to a provincial prosecutor. More alarmingly, there was no language added to either the National Defence Act or the Criminal Code of Canada that nullified the 3-year-time-bar prior to 1998.

Why is this important?

Well without a police investigation showing evidence that I was molested directly by Captain McRae it is being hinted that I have no legal claim against the Canadian Armed Forces and the Department of National Defence. But don’t forget, the investigations being relied upon are investigations conducted by the police of the agency that I am claiming compensation from.

In it’s 10 year report to Parliament that was published in 2010, the Military Police Complaints Commission that allowing the military police and the CFNIS to investigate matters that may subject the DND and the CAF to civil actions is inappropriate as indicated by decisions by the Supreme Court of Canada.

These decisions are why police forces in Canada generally will not investigate matters that could be expected to lead to civil actions against the city they work for. This is why when there is a police shooting in Canada or an allegation of police brutality police from another jurisdiction are brought in to investigate. This is also why when civilian employees of a city are suspected of wrongdoing other police agencies are usually brought in to at least review and offer oversight of the investigation.

As the Military Police Complaints Commission pointed out in 2011, the Supreme Court of Canada has decided that when a peace officer is conducting a criminal investigation, that peace officer is to answer to no-one except to the law itself. This is an outright impossibility in the Canadian Armed Forces. Every member of the Canadian Armed Forces is at ALL times subjected to the Code of Service Discipline. There are no exceptions for the base military police, the CFNIS, nor the Provost Marshal.

In fact things are far worse for the base military police and the CFNIS as the National Defence Act allows the Vice Chief of Defence Staff to offer instructions and orders to any MP or CFNIS investigation. As indicated by the Military Police Complaints Commission the Vice Chief of Defence Staff is NOT a peace officer and has no law enforcement training.

Another oddity with the structure of the military police is that the head of the military police, the Canadian Forces Provost Marshal, directly reports to the Vice Chief of Defence Staff.

Currently the Vice Chief of Defence Staff is a Lieutenant General. The Provost Marshal is a Brigadier General.

Breasts and death

My hormone related changes are well under way.

And I still really want to die.

And I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with that.

Death won’t be an option until 2027, and there’s still no indication if M.A.i.D. will be legalized for mental illnesses or not, but I am still hoping to be “allowed” to die.

Isn’t that the funniest of things?

I’m not allowed to die, but I also didn’t choose to exist.

My mother and my father got drunk one night. An exchange of DNA occurred. And 9 months later I popped out into the world.

Through my early life all sorts of people with their own agendas were making decisions about my life based upon their own ideas and interests.

And here I am at 52, burnt out and tired, and unable to make a decision about my life.

But Bobbie, I thought that if you transitioned that you would be happy and that you’d want to live?

Fuck no.

With an official delay in M.A.i.D. until 2027 I thought that I would avail myself to fixing the one thing that I had always wanted to correct all of my life but was unable to due to circumstances beyond my control.

Transitioning in and of itself is not the cure for my desire to die.

My desire to die comes from my rancid childhood.

Growing up on Canadian Armed Forces military bases was hard enough under the best of circumstances.

Growing up on Canadian Armed Forces military bases as a sexually abused male was an absolute fucking nightmare.

Growing up on Canadian Armed Forces military bases as a sexually abused gender non-conforming male during the days of CFAO 19-20 was a fucking soul destroying experience.

Growing up on Canadian Armed Forces military bases in a dysfunctional family in the era when the military’s policy towards members with mental issues meant that the military just outright ignored these issues meant that there were none of the normal experiences that children require to grow up mentally healthy. In fact my father’s alcoholism and his out-of-control and unacknowledged PTSD meant that the experiences that I grew up with caused a shit ton of mental issues that have plagued me for my entire life.

How bad have these issues affected me?

Here’s some moulds made of my teeth by my dentist in a last ditch attempt to save what’s left of my teeth.

Yeah, I’ve worn my teeth down to absolutely nothing.

That’s ’cause I wake up in terror some nights grinding my teeth away.

I’ve had night guards before, but I usually grind through them in a few weeks.

So Bobbie, if you still want to die, why are you transitioning?

I’ve never identified with being a male at any point in my life.

And this has nothing to do with the babysitter, Captain McRae, Captain Totzke, or Master Corporal Gill.

I’ve never identified as a boy. I always thought that I was a girl.

Around age 10 or 11 I remember hoping and praying that I would wake up the next morning with breasts and all the rest.

And everyday that I didn’t wake up with the much hoped for changes, I was devastated.

And was I ever jealous.

The girls at school were starting to fill out, and I wasn’t.

So, I intend to spend the next three years-or-so getting some of the changes that I’ve always wanted.

I’m not going for bottom surgery. I’ll get some items removed, but I’m not going for vaginoplasty.

And for the topside, I’ll be happy with what the hormones give me. I’m not going the augmentation route.

Body wise? Yeah, I’m already enjoying the muscle loss. It’s hard to explain, but I’ve always felt that my body is smaller than what it actually is. By losing muscle mass I’m hoping to finally get my body muscle structure down to what feels more natural. I’m already getting some of the fat redistribution, but the full effect won’t be for another year or so.

The goal of this all will be that when I finally go to sleep and escape this fucked up existence, that I present as close to a female as I can.

Never wanted to be a male.

Never identified as a male.

I don’t want to die as a male.

But, in the meantime I’m going to keep on with the hormones and the changes.

The Canadian Armed Forces had an extensive amount of say over my childhood.

I will not allow Canadian Armed Forces to say single fucking thing about my remaining days or my death.

The day the media cried……

For the most part the media in Canada is finished.

Very lax CRTC rules, very biased free trade agreements, and extremely toothless foreign ownerships rules means that our media for the most part is American owned and always has a pro-corporate, pro-capitalism, anti-worker bias, and anti-socialist policies at play.

It doesn’t matter if the newsroom or the head office has a Canadian street address. If the board of directors and the majority of shareholders are Americans, then the product that they produce is American propaganda.

We don’t have to worry about the Americans launching an invasion to take over Canada, the invasion has been going on since the Mulroney years in the ’80s, some might even say that the invasion started with Dief – the – Thief’s policy of overt American appeasement.

This morning when I logged into the cesspool formerly known as Twitter I caught this tweet from Lynda Steele.

This would be depressing, except Lynda is one of those in the news media that practically ensured the death of local media.

When Lynda was with 980 CKNW her pro-automobile industry / anti-alternative transportation biases were on full display. But I guess that she was just playing to her audience. The only place I’ve ever seen people listen to AM radio is in the car. But Lynda should have realized that the days of AM radio are coming to an end. Even FM radio isn’t far behind.

I stopped listening to radio back in the early ’00s when Rock 101 was blitzing the airwaves with that Spence Shriek commercial.

MP3 players made portable music that much easier to obtain and they totally negated my need for a radio. More importantly I never had to listen to that insistent Spence Shriek or annoying crap like it again.

People in general don’t like biases in their news, and people are fairly decent at detecting biases.

During the Covid-19 lockdown, the previous park board and city council agreed to install a bicycle lane in Stanley Park that would separate the bicycle riders from the pedestrians on the seawall thus allowing the pedestrians on the seawall to distance themselves by spreading across the walking path and the bicycle path and allowing the bicycle riders to continue using the park.

Now, I don’t think we’ll ever know the truth about what happened at CKNW, but to hear Lynda describe it lycra clad MAMILs were dragging the disabled out of their vehicles and euthanizing them at the main entrance to the park. The elderly were no longer able to drive to the park. Traffic in the park was now forced to drive at the posted speed limit. Car drivers were now forced to sit behind the horse drawn carriage tours and left to contemplate the meaningless existence of being a horse pulling tourists around and around in a loop.

In reality, there were only three groups of people upset at the bicycle lanes.

Car drivers using the park to avoid north bound traffic jams on the Stanley Park causeway. Car drivers using the park to avoid the downtown core by rat racing through the park to get to Beach Ave thus avoiding West Georgia, Burrard, and Howe.

And the most important group of all, the tour bus operators. There is a metric shit ton of money made in fares and tips from tourists that come to town on the cruise ships and want to go see “World Famous Stanley Park”. And no doubt there is some form of benefit to the tour bus operators when they deliver fresh cattle to the two “major” tourist attractions in the park.

The bicycle lanes made it impossible for tour busses to fit back in to the park. Because park drive was meant to meander through the park it has some tight bends. With the concrete barriers running through the park it would have been impossible for a full size tour bus to navigate.

Under an outrage that was practically stoked by the media Vancouver got a populist mayor elected with support from just over 18% of eligible voters.

The first thing Qatari Ken did when elected was to jump on an airplane to go watch a soccer game in Qatar. Hence why I call him Qatari Ken.

Ken’s plan was to rip out all of the bicycle lanes in the park to allow the “disabled and elderly” park users to get back into the park. Ken got as far as tearing out the lanes expect for the eastern Beach Avenue exit. The problem that Lynda and Qatari Ken didn’t account for was the public uproar that resulted from the removal of the bicycle lanes in the park.

It never was about the “elderly and disabled”. If it were then Qatari Ken and Lynda would have been pressing for a “community shuttle bus” that would stop at all of the hospitals, senior homes, assisted living homes, and other care facilities in order to give ALL disabled persons and elderly persons the ability to visit the park, especially those without families or those without the means to travel.

No, what it was all about was Qatari Ken riding a wave of populism in to the Mayor’s office to ensure that the interests of a select few business owners were looked after.

Both Lynda and Qatari Ken had been buoyed in their anti-bicycle / anti-alternate transportation biases because of the dynamics of the echo chamber. Lynda’s audience was only car drivers basically. So when Jim-Bob-Joe called in from Abbotsford to say that he’s never coming back to Stanley Park because the City of Vancouver has gone woke with bicycles, that’s what she heard.

The truth is there’s far more daily traffic from bicycle riders and roller bladers in the park than there is from actual park using car drivers.

But, I digress.

My beef with the media comes from the fact that not one single local news media outlet has dare look into historical child sexual abuse on bases that used to be located within city limits.

Does Lynda believe that no children were ever sexually abused on Canadian Forces Base Jericho in Vancouver during the days when both the 3-year-time-bar and the Summary Investigation flaw were in effect?

After report after report of the failure of the military justice system looking into sexual abuse of adults, isn’t Lynda and the rest of her cohorts curious in the slightest about the sexual abuse of children living on the same bases?

Isn’t Lynda, as a reporter, curious about the fact that children who lived on Canadian Forces Bases prior to 1998 don’t have the same rights that their civilian counterparts had?

When West End MP Hedy Fry said that she was not going to look into the matter of child sexual abuse on the Canadian Armed Forces bases in Canada because there were no bases in the West End even though I had lived in the West End since 1992, isn’t this “local news”? Isn’t it news worthy when a sitting MP says that a person can only get justice for military child sexual abuse if they live in a riding with a military base?

Is Canadian Forces Base Jericho not “local”?

Yes, fine, I get it. Lynda had no control over what stories she was allowed to cover and report on when she was at CKNW. CKNW survives on automobile advertising and its listenership is comprised of people stuck in cars. Therefore bicycles are a commie plot to steal your freedomobile away from you and force you to ride a bicycle.

Reporting on a story that would cause the Department of National Defence and the Canadian Armed Forces a severe amount of negative publicity is something that corporate would have frowned upon as many of the owners are well connected and don’t want to be seen as pissing on the troops.

In the end, with the exception of just a few persons in the media, if the average “journalist” wants a paycheque they have to conduct the reporting that corporate dictates. But these “journalists” shouldn’t be surprised in the end when being a corporate puppet just means that the profession that they were a part of becomes a relic of the past.

And so far the “alternative media” is no better than the corporate media.