Appealing……

Yep, the DOJ is appealing the decision of Justice Neufeld.

Nothing unexpected here.

In fact I would have been even more surprised if the CAF, the DND, and the DOJ didn’t appeal.

And they’re appealing just about everything in Justice Neufeld’s decision.

I don’t know how long this will take, but I would imagine that there will be some back and forth on this matter before the main case is allowed to proceed.

Hopefully this all gets wrapped up before Sir Misogyny the Orange invades and annexes Canada and turns us into another Puerto Rico.

Politics

What a wild day today was.

Justin Trudeau has announced his resignation.

And a convicted felon and an adjudicated rapist has become the president of the US of A.

Sir Misogyny the Orange is making wild ass claims that Canadians want to plummet down the “quality of life” rankings to join the US of A near the bottom of the list.

Vying to take Justin’s place is a man who has never worked a real job for a single day in his life, has been collecting a cushy government pension for quite some time now, and claims to support the “little guy” while calling for the age of retirement to be raised to 70 and beyond.

The fact that Christy Clark wants to throw her hat into the ring as the leader of the Federal Liberals shows just how uneducated the Canadian public really is. Christy was the premier of British Columbia after DUI Gordo stepped down. The problem with the BC Liberals is that they had nothing in common with the Liberal party in any other province or at the federal level.

The BC Liberals were the rejects left over from the collapse of the BC Social Credit party, which was as hard right and fundamentalist as they come. After the Socreds imploded under Vander Zalm the party knew that it would never be able to run as the Socreds again. So, it became the BC Liberal Party.

But the BC NDP wasn’t much better as it had veered to the far right, but it hadn’t veered right far enough for the real owners of BC. Even though the BC NDP were pissing off every union in BC and kissing billionaire ass left, right, and centre, it wasn’t enough. And when the BC NDP lost the election to the BC Liberals the leader of the BC NDP jumped into bed with BC’s own favourite billionaire.

I think that the dumbing down of Canada happened with Lyin’ Brian.

Instead of standing up to America, Brian dropped his paper bags of Karl’s money on the ground, knelt upon them, and pledged his fealty to Wall Street and to Ronnie Raygun.

And Canada has been influenced by American propaganda ever since. American propaganda is why there is such a wildly wrong interpretation of communism and socialism in the US of A.

With the absolute exception of the CBC, all Canadian Media is American owned.

Sure, just like in the oil fields, the head offices may be in Canada, but the shareholders and hedge funds are all American owned. And as such the media spews the American view.

There are Americans and Canadians that believe that the Soviet Union and China were / are communist when the Soviet Union and China have always been single party totalitarian regimes.

In the last 20 years China has veered off into some sort of hybrid mix of capitalism and totalitarianism. Meanwhile Russia veered off into some bizarre mix of capitalism and organized crime syndicates.

Communism by its very nature can’t exist in a state which enforces class stratification. For a state to be communist there can’t be “leaders”. Everyone would have to “lead”. And the state couldn’t own the means of production. Communism is where the workers own the means of production. I don’t think that any state workers in the U.S.S.R. or even pre-1990s China owned the means of production.

Socialism is the supposed condition that exists between capitalism and communism with the means of production and distribution being owned collectively for the benefit of the citizens of the country until a state of statelessness and classlessness can be obtained.

Capitalism is where the state serves to enforce the ownership of the means of production by the capitalists, and by force if force is required. Remember back to 1800s and the early 1900s when States in America would unleash state militias on unions at the bequest of the mine owners and would kill strikers to protect the assets of the owners.

It’s sad to see that there are Canadians that get all of their knowledge of America from TV shows like Beverly Hill 90210, House, Scrubs, etc.

The fact that an Australian Oligarch named Rupert Murdoch was able to worm his way into America and peddle his lies without contest shows just how unprepared the American government was for a takeover by foreign invaders.

Rupert lobbied Ronnie for the elimination of the “fairness doctrine” which led to Faux Newz, Rush Limbaugh, Alex Jones, Gavin McInness, which of course led to Canada’s very own media of the loons.

The fact that a racist from South Africa can be viewed as a “captain of industry” when his first product was a means to move money around without the scrutiny of the banks, law enforcement, and government which of course benefits one type of enterprise in particular is pretty damning.

And ever since the late ’80s the media, all owned by billionaires, has been skewing hard right and trying to convince people one both sides of the border that a fascist oligarchy is the best style of government.

The greatest trick of the billionaires has been convincing the general public that the media has veered too far to the left when in fact all the billionaires care about is spewing their propaganda in a positive light. To the billionaire class there is no right and there is no left, there’s only the serfs and the elites.

See, back in the early 1900s, America was going through a gilded age. The poor were surviving hand to mouth. American cities had massive slums that rivalled the slums of the United Kingdom. But the rich were making a killing.

But the oligarchs took it too far in the 1920s which led to the stock market crash of 1929 which plunged America into the great depression.

FDR came to the rescue with his “New Deal” which brought in all sorts of regulations and laws that prevented the stock market and the banks from acting like no limit casinos. He also raised the taxes on the multi millionaires to the point of 90% and above tax rates.

No one but an idiot would pay those tax rates. All you had to do was invest in your company, or invest in your work force, and your taxes would come tumbling down.

That’s why America progressed so far up the social ladder in the ’50s and ’60s.

But this wasn’t good enough for the plutocrats or the oligarchs.

They wanted their money without any of the social obligations that came with it.

So these fuckers started putting their kids through Ivy League schools with the goal of getting their kids into positions of government to overturn FDR’s “New Deal” policies. And they succeeded.

Since the ’70s the rich have been waging a war on the public education system. You need to destroy the public education system if you ever want to return to the gilded age. You need to brain wash the next generation into believing that being a billionaire is not a sign of mental illness but is instead a sign of brilliance. You need to brain wash the public into believing that the vote of someone making $65,000.00 per year is worth as much as someone with $120 billion dollars in wealth.

Interesting…….

Did one of those DNA tests a while ago, and the results are interesting.

The “France” area doesn’t surprise me as my mother was dyed in the wool French from Quebec.

The Indigenous Americas doesn’t surprise me as my paternal grandmother was Swampy Cree from Northern Alberta.

What is interesting is the Scots. My father always told me and my brother that we were “mutts”, a mix of Irish, French, and Cree. He never said anything about Scottish. And it’s funny seeing that my DNA matches with more DNA samples from Indigenous Americas that it does with samples with Irish DNA.

So, what does this all mean?

Not a lot.

It’s just interesting though.

The Past

Daily writing prompt
Do you spend more time thinking about the future or the past? Why?

I spend an inordinate amount of time in the past.

This is primarily due to how dysfunctional my past has been and how much the past has affected my life in the current day.

All my life I’ve never had anything to look forward to in the future. The future was always uncertain for me as after CFB Namao I never saw myself having a future.

The one thing that I do have to look forward to is death.

The only certainty that life has to offer is death.

Death, as has been said, is the great equalizer.

When we’re dead we’re no better and no worse than the next person.

Death offers freedom from pain and suffering.

Death frees you from the past.

Here’s an interesting “daily writing prompt”

Daily writing prompt
What is the greatest gift someone could give you?

What is the greatest gift that someone could give to me?

Four simple words

You

Have

Been

Approved

I am so fucking tired.

Tired of this life.

Tired of this existence.

Tired of fighting the lies.

Tired of learning that the truth was more insidious than what could be imagined.

I’m really hoping that my nurse practitioner tells me in 2027 that the two M.A.i.D. assessors have approved my application for Medical Assistance in Dying. “Bobbie, you have been approved”.

Those four words will bring so much joy and relief to me.

This ought to be a good one….

Daily writing prompt
What colleges have you attended?

What colleges did I attend?

That’s a simple one.

None.

My father had to be one of the most significant anti-education people that I’ve ever seen.

He dropped out of school in grade 9 and enrolled in the Royal Canadian Navy in 1963 just after he turned 17.

To him, his single room school education was all that anyone would ever need in their life.

To him, the teachers were all idiots.

Especially if the teachers were women.

It’s not that I didn’t want to go to school, but by 1987 things had gone so far off the rails in Richard’s house that leaving home was the only thing that I could do.

So yeah, there was going to be no college, university, or even trade school in my future.

When I discovered the existence of my social service paperwork in 2011 and discovered that I had been so close to being removed from Richard’s dysfunctional household, my brain exploded.

All of these years I had absolutely no idea that when we lived on Canadian Forces Base Downsview in Toronto that my family was under the supervision of the Children’s Aid Society of Toronto and that if when home life started going to shit in the days after Richard’s rampage in 1985, I could have applied for emergency shelter and moved out of Richard’s dysfunctional household on CFB Downsview and had my room and board looked after until age 19.

But, none of that was meant to be.

So, here I am at 53 years of age despising what my life has become due to the decisions of others and hoping that I can qualify for medical assistance in dying when it becomes legal in March of 2027.

The search continues

While poking around on the intertubes yesterday I came across a story related to me that flew completely under my radar.

David Pugliese of the Ottawa Citizen has actually filed Freedom of Information Act requests with the Department of National Defence in order to try to discover who ordered the CFSIU paperwork and Courts Martial transcripts to be withheld from me, and to be as heavily redacted as they were the first time that DND released these document to me in mid 2020.

I applaud David for digging deeper into this story.

At this point in my life I’ve all but given up on dealing with the Canadian Armed Forces and the Department of National Defence.

If there is one thing that I’ve learnt in my dealings with the Canadian Armed Forces and the Department of National Defence is the truth is whatever they want it to be no matter how many lives they destroy in the process. Collateral damage is a minor expense when it comes to protecting one’s public image.

This was the response to an ATI that I had filed back in 2018 asking for copies of any emails that I had sent to the Minister of National Defence.

First, what is the “Corp Sec DSCS”?

The Corp Sec DSCS is the Corporate Secretary in the department of the Director Strategic Corporate Services (DSCS), Department of National Defence.

What is the function of the DSCS?

https://www.canada.ca/en/department-national-defence/corporate/organizational-structure/corporate-secretary.html

Basically the DSCS-DSMS is the gate keeper for information contained within the Department of National Defence that could prove detrimental if said information were to be released to the public.

You know, like a military police report from 1980 that runs in 180 degrees of opposition to what a military police investigation in 2011 concluded.

The DSCS-DSMS also function as the creative storytellers for the Minister of National Defence / Chief of Defence Staff / Vice Chief of Defence Staff carefully coordinating and concocting the BS that comes from all three of these entities so that a unified story is presented to the Canadian public.

In this above email between Denis Paradis, Major Zenon Drebot (Zenon Drebot Canadian Armed Forces – Office of the Judge-Advocate General) and William Bain they actively discuss hiding my correspondence with the Minister of National Defence from any ATI request.

How do they do this?

The first step is to encrypt the correspondence. Encrypted data is difficult to search, especially without the required decryption key.

Basically what’s supposed to happen is any email that is sent to the government is searchable and can be located by the ATI office, once located the ATI office is supposed to go through the email to assess if it can be released to the public and make any redactions as required prior to releasing the document.

However, the “space saver” is a literal fucking black hole. Once documents disappear into that black hole they’ll never see the light of day again unless they prove beneficial to the Department of National Defence, the Canadian Armed Forces, or the Minister of National Defence.

To further complicate matters, my emails were almost always to do with the subject of “child sexual abuse”. The CAF and the DND probably receive 1,000s of emails every month that don’t have anything to do with “child sexual abuse”. By stripping the true subject matter of my emails from the email and replacing the subject of my emails with “concerns with the Canadian Forces” the DSCS is making it all but impossible to find any trace of my emails.

And finally, my name is spelt “BOBBIE”, not “BOBBY”.

This is important as when the ATI section scans the email servers for emails from “Bobbie Bees” it won’t indicate any traces of “Bobby Bees”. Those are two separate persons. And under ATI guidelines “Bobbie Bees” is not entitled to the personal information of “Bobby Bees”.

The Canadian Armed Forces and the Department of National Defence have a knack for obfuscation.

National Post February 1st, 2019 page A6

By referring to Vice-Admiral Mark Norman as anything but his name, the Chain of Command within the Canadian Armed Forces and the hierarchy in the Department of National Defence could freely discuss Vice-Admiral Mark Norman and the military’s tactics for dealing with Vice-Admiral Mark Norman without risking their plots coming to the attention of Vice-Admiral Mark Norman or Vice-Admiral Mark Norman’s lawyers.

https://globalnews.ca/news/4901599/mark-norman-code-names-alleged-military-information-block/

Even the Office of the Information Commissioner of Canada investigated this matter and released a report.

https://www.oic-ci.gc.ca/en/resources/reports-publications/access-issue-nine-recommendations-regarding-processing-access

And here is a PDF copy of the report.

The Canadian Armed Forces and the Department of National Defence are organization the rely heavily upon being able to control the narrative and the optics.

The attitudes within the CAF and the DND are that civilians are simpering whelps that could never measure up to military standards and therefore the CAF and the DND will not be held to the same standards as mere civilians.

This attitude is endemic within the Canadian Armed Forces and the Department of National Defence.

Everyone within the Canadian Forces National Investigation Service that was involved with GO2011-5754 in 2011 knew the full fucking truth about what had transpired on CFB Namao from 1978 until 1980, but they had assumed that I would never know the truth because the original courts martial in July of 1980 had been moved in-camera and everything had been sealed away from the public.

And if it hadn’t been for Master Corporal Christian Cyr flapping his trap on May 3rd, 2011 in an obvious glib attempt to show me that he knew what the truth was and that he knew that I was just trying to scam the military for money, I would never have been any of the wiser and I would never have been launched down this trajectory when Petty Officer Steve Morris told me on November 4th, 2011 that the CFNIS could find absolutely no evidence to indicate that P.S. was capable of what I had accused him of.

However, after hearing Morris basically call me a liar on November 4th, 2011, I wasn’t going to stop.

And after almost ten years, the truth came out, it was the babysitter’s abuse of younger children that brought Captain McRae to the attention of the CFSIU and that the CFSIU was in turn well aware that Captain McRae was giving children alcohol in the rectory at the base chapel and then taking them into the bedroom to “fool around” with them.

This has been a very slow battle with an extreme power imbalance between the CAF, the DND, and myself as the CAF and the DND both enjoy the ability to hide and withhold information from anyone or anything they declare to be an adversary.

I know that there’s so much more information that the DND and the CAF have related to child sexual abuse on the bases. But I also know from personal experience that the DND and the CAF can withhold any information that they want and that they do so knowing that they will face very little in the way of consequences.

What I fear the most

What I fear the most is not losing my class action against the Canadian Armed Forces and the Department of National Defence.

What I fear the most is not death. Death is a natural occurrence that we will all experience once in our lives.

What I fear the most is not being able to end my life via Medical Assistance in Dying and having to keep living with the past.

What I fear the most is being forced to end my life by suicide and not being successful at it.

“Bobbie, just move on, leave the past in the past”

Not that simple.

I know that it’s so very hard for you to fathom that someone would gladly look forward to their death to escape their mental issues.

But as I’ve said time and time again, what I went through as a child is not something that I would ever wish upon my worst enemy.

“But Bobbie, children have always been subject to child sexual abuse.”

Yes, that is quite true. And for so long as child sexual abuse exists so will child, teen, and adult suicide. Especially when victim blaming and/or victim shaming are involved.

What I fear the most is that even if Medial Assistance in Dying when Mental Illness is the Sole Underlying Medical Condition (M.A.i.D. MISUMC) is finally legalized in March of 2027 that I will be excluded.

The guidelines for M.A.i.D. MISUMC seem to require documentation to illustrate a “life long” suffering from mental illnesses such as Major Depression or Severe Anxiety.

I have the documentation for the diagnoses. But what I don’t have is the documentation showing a “life long” attempt to deal with the diagnoses through counselling, therapy, or drugs.

But as I’ve said before, between Captain Totzke and my father, these diagnoses were hidden from me and instead I was blamed for my own misfortune.

I never sought treatment from October of 1980 until August of 2011, not because I wasn’t experiencing any issues, I never sought treatment as it had been drilled into my head when I was younger that my issues were made up, that I was acting up just to seek attention, that my “issues” were just attempts for me to shift the blame for what “I” had done on CFB Namao.

Due to my untreated mental illnesses there never were significant others in my life that would have flagged my issues and urged me to seek treatment. There was just an internal desire to hide and mask my flaws so that I could hold employment.

For the most part my adult medical needs were taken care of by walk-in clinics. Walk-in clinics really aren’t the greatest for following up with issues like mental health issues.

And besides, I had no safety net to fall back upon. Asking for help in my younger days would have more than likely entailed a stay or two at a psychiatric facility, which would have been the end of any employment that I had. Being on my own since I was 16, and not having a family to fall back on for support, meant that I had to ensure that I was always employed.

And back in the ’80s , the ’90s, and even the aughts, stays at psych facilities would have been a definite red flag on most employment applications.

Seeking help for my mental issues would be something that I would have avoided at all costs. Primarily due to my ignorance about having been diagnosed at age 9 with some pretty serious mental illnesses, but also because the military environment that I had grown up in at the time made it well known that mental health issues were signs of failure and that only weak crybabies went to the head shrinker.

After I obtained my social service paperwork in 2011, I did avail myself to counselling. But this did absolutely nothing as the counsellors just couldn’t wrap their heads around what I was telling them about my childhood.

Dying with Dignity Canada https://www.dyingwithdignity.ca/advocacy/maid-for-mental-illness/ has initiated a court challenge. But I don’t really have faith in this organization. DWDC seems to support criteria to qualify for M.A.i.D. MISUMC that may actually serve as a barrier to those such as myself who desire to obtain M.A.i.D.. Yes, I understand the need for criteria, but there MUST be exceptions made for persons such as myself who were willfully denied treatment for mental illness.

Mental Health – often ignored.

When it comes to obtaining mental health treatment in this country there aren’t really any organizations that specialize in anything beyond the most absolute archaic attitudes towards mental health.

The usual attitudes that the “experts” espouse are:

  • You’re faking this / being overly dramatic.
  • You can’t be mentally ill if you’re working.
  • If your family / relatives / significant others don’t voice concerns about you then you really can’t be suffering.
  • If you don’t get better it’s because you’re faking this for attention
  • If you don’t consent to taking brain altering drugs, you’re not serious about getting better.
  • If you don’t participate in meaningless hippy-trippy feel good therapy then you’re just a self-centred asshole that cares nothing about those around you.
  • If you don’t allow yourself to be committed for in-patient treatment and lose your employment and your ability to obtain security clearances then are you really committed to getting better.
  • Depression isn’t a real disease and can be cured by smiling more and pretending to be happy.

I had been a supporter of the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health CAMH in Toronto prior to the Senate hearing for M.A.i.D. for Mental Illness when I was absolutely sickened and blindsided by their outright refusal to endorse Medical Assistance in Dying for circumstance in when metal illnesses such as depression were too much for the person requesting M.A.i.D. to endure.

Sadly it looks as if CAMH is more concerned with getting all of those prescriptions filled and all of their beds filled.

There have been some rather shocking criticisms against CAMH.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Centre_for_Addiction_and_Mental_Health#Criticisms

All mental health treatment / therapy programs are like this. Nothing but 100% feel good bullshit designed in such a way that they are never at fault if their patients don’t get better.

And it’s not like I haven’t tried to get help before.

However one problem with mental health professionals is that they let their preconceived notions get in the way of seeing the patient before them.

It’s very hard to get treatment when “professionals” are dismissive of what you’re telling them.

  • Children never lived on Canadian Armed Forces bases
  • Why would civilians live on military bases?
  • Children were never sexually abused on military bases
  • Sexually abused children were never looked after by military social workers
  • The Canadian Armed Forces never interfered with the mental health treatments of children.
  • The Canadian Armed Forces never facilitated the postings of serving parents from one province to another province to avoid the apprehension of their children by provincial social services.

When dealing with counsellors and therapists in the past it was always assumed that if something as horrific as I had implied had happened that my father or other authority figures would have seen to it that I received treatment for my issues.

What these counsellors and therapists refused to believe was that the people who should have helped me were instead more interested in keeping my need for help a complete secret so as to keep the events on CFB Namao out of the media.

The Canadian Armed Forces and the chain of command made decisions that my mental health meant nothing compared to the public image of the Canadian Armed Forces.

And now I have to deal with organization such as CAMH that believe that all mental health issues can be medicated away and therefore M.A.i.D. for mental illness should never be allowed.

The Long Term Effects of Untreated Mental Illnesses

What does untreated depression or anxiety feel like?

It’s hard to describe.

My brain feels like it’s being compressed. Sometimes my brain only feels slightly compressed while at other times my brain feels like it’s about three or four times bigger than my skull.

Fire. My brain will sometimes feel like it’s on fire. This will often happen if my train of thought is disturbed.

Swimmy. My brain often feels like it’s swimming inside my head.

Dizzy. There are times when the memories come back that my brain feels like I’ve been spinning around.

When I get distracted, it feels like someone has punched my brain.

There may have been a time when I was younger that therapy and medication may have had benefits. But those days are long behind me.

And no, simply not thinking about matters makes my brain feel any better.

Touching grass?

Grounding myself?

Come back and talk to me when you’re not living in the fantasy world of make fucking believe.

I can only wonder if my depression was the cause of the two cardiac issues that I’ve had. Take for example the first time my heart put me in the hospital back in 2012.

When I went in blood testing showed that I was in the midst of a heart attack. The cardiac stress test I had the next morning showed that I had heart damage. The MiBi scan that I had next showed that my Left Anterior Descending artery was blocked. I got put on meds to slow my heart down to let it rest and relax. And I was scheduled for an angiogram to place a stint.

When I went in for the angiogram the Dr. performing the procedure was shocked to find that my LAD was wide open and my heart had excellent circulation and that there didn’t appear to be any damaged heart tissue.

I was booked in to do a treadmill stress test. I ran on the treadmill for 25 minutes without a hitch. Good blood pressure, good heart rate, good O2 levels.

The cardiologist that I had seen in 2012 had discussed with some of his cohorts the possibility of a “coronary vasospasm”

I had another incident similar to this around 2018.

Except this time they kept drawing blood samples every four hours. It was found that my troponin levels were abnormally high, but then plummeted back to normal a few hours later. I was sent for another treadmill test and ran that fine for 20 minutes.

It turns out that depression can have nasty effects on the heart.

Coronary Vasospams can be caused by depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues. In a coronary vasospam one of the arteries involved with supplying oxygenated blood to the heart contracts and restricts blood flow to the heart muscles. The is the exact same way that a typical heart attack works, but instead of being caused by material blocking the artery, the artery constricts by itself.

All arteries in the human body are muscular. This is how the body can regulate blood pressure. And by being able to restrict blood flow to the extremities, the body can retain warmth in the core when the extremities become too cold. The interesting thing is that the muscle in the artery can respond to more than just a requirement to regulate blood pressure.

The links between depression, anxiety, mental health issues, and cardio vasospasm / Prinzmetal’s angina are known, but they aren’t truly understood.

Long term untreated major depression and severe anxiety have other ill effects on the human body which often manifest as actual physical symptoms.