Had an appointment with my doctor this morning.
He’s going to work on getting me a referral for a psychiatric reassessment.
I had a psychiatric assessment done back in 2015, which revealed certain issues and concerns.
I don’t know how this will play out.
I really don’t want to get my hopes up too high.
This reassessment could work in my favour, or it could derail my hopes.
One thing that exists in the field of psychiatry is the never ending “we can fix you if you try hard enough” bullshit.
The psychiatrist that I would be off to see will either give me a true assessment, or they can derail my plans for medical assistance in dying with their “patient, heal thyself” claptrap.
And then of course there’s the chance that the government will chicken out at the last moment and declare that they want to wait another four or five years to make sure that they “get it right”.
At this point in life I am so looking forward to that final escape.
To finally be free of the events on Canadian Forces Base Namao.
To finally be free of the decisions of the Colonel Daniel Edward Munro.
To be free from the agenda of Captain Terry Totzke.
To be free of the lies and the hatred of my father.
To no longer be blamed for the babysitter abusing my brother.
To no longer have to realize that the Canadian Armed Forces and the Government of Canada anointed a teenage pedophile and willing accomplice of Captain McRae to be the sole innocent victim while all of the other kids on the base were swept away into the dustbin of history.
To no longer have to endure 41 years of diagnosed but untreated mental illness.
Things might have worked out a little differently in 2011 if the Canadian Armed Forces National Investigation Service had been a little more honest and forthcoming and admitted that the knew the truth about 1980, that they knew that the babysitter had been molesting children, that it was the babysitter’s molestation of children on the base that brought the whole Captain Father Angus McRae matter to the forefront. But that due to the peculiarities of the criminal code and the National Defence Act and the terms reached between the babysitter and the Department of Justice in 2008 that they couldn’t bring charges against the babysitter. But they couldn’t. Secrets needed to be kept. Images and reputations needed to be kept spick and span.
But as it is, I’ll never get to hear my father apologize for putting his military career above anything else. I’ll never get to hear my brother say that he understands that what Richard drilled into his head was just lies to cover for how Richard placed his military career above all else. And as it is, anything that the Minister of National Defence, the Canadian Armed Forces, or even the Department of Justice have to say about apologies will be absolutely fucking meaningless.
So no, there is absolutely no recovery from this.
Not a fucking chance.
Beeshive 