Depression and the art of never starting things…….

One of the hardest things about dealing with depression is the inability I have to start things that I want to do.

It’s not that I’m lazy.

It’s just that my brain keeps telling me not to bother starting because it won’t make a difference to anyone or anything.

Yes, but Bobbie, isn’t this therapeutic ?

Possibly.

But I still have to overcome the depression demons.

Sure, I’m on escitalopram, but that doesn’t stop the depression, it just turns it down a bit.

The demons and the monsters are still there.

Waiting and lurking.

Don’t forget, I’ve never had a day in my life of any type of therapy related to the events on Canadian Forces Base Namao, nor have I ever had any therapy to help me recover from my involvement with Captain Terry Totzke, nor have I ever had any therapy to help me recover from my father’s very dysfunctional household.

I’ve had tons of talking sessions with counsellors since 2011. But they can’t fix what they can’t understand.

Children don’t live on military bases.

If children did live on military bases, military bases were very safe and secure environments where nothing bad would ever happen to a child.

If bad things did happen to those children, then the military would have stepped in an put an end to it as the military protects children.

And on, and on, and on, wash-rinse-repeat.

I’m sure that the Canadian Forces and the Department of National Defence have gone to every extent to convince everyone of any importance in Canada that the military treated child sexual abuse as the horrific crime that it was and that it would never classify male-on-male child sexual abuse as “acts of homosexuality” and that it would never blame the victims for their own abuse.

So, until the Canadian Armed Forces and the Department of National Defence come clean about historical child sexual abuse, the flaws in the National Defence Act that would allow commanding officers with no scruples to hide child sexual abuse, and their very abysmal manner in which victims of male-on-male child sexual abuse were seen as mentally ill homosexuals partially responsible for their own abuse, things will never change. I can’t keep going to counsellors, psychologists, and psychiatrists when they cast their distrust upon me.

This of course means that my depression has free reign inside of my skull.