Vacation time.

Well, it’s vacation time again.

When I first entered the wonderful world of full time work after I left the house at 16 vacation time would always cause me panic.

Sure, vacation time was mandated by law. But I always felt ashamed for taking it, like somehow I was stealing.

Probably had a lot to do with my father always chiding me for being a lazy fucking asshole.

And as the years went on my anxiety would get the best of me and I’d be certain that my employers were going to use my vacation time to replace me and that when I’d come back from vacation I’d find my job gone.

You would think that in 36 years that I’ve lived on my own that I would have gone somewhere on a trip.

Nope.

Going camping or going on trips wasn’t something that Richard was in to. I don’t ever remember going anywhere with him on vacation. Well, there was the one trip to Jasper, but that turned into a disaster as Richard just couldn’t fucking relax and chill. It was like the fucker was on drill 24/7.

Anyways, just never went anywhere.

Well, there was the one time in the summer of 1984 when my brother and I were staying with our grandmother in Edmonton and she took us on a two-way bus ride from Edmonton AB to Terrace BC to see our uncle Norman. I’ll save this for another post.

And no, the summers spent with grandma in 1984 and 1985 don’t count. Those weren’t vacations. Those were just Richard offloading his parental responsibilities onto his mother.

Starting back in 2013 I went places. In Canada, but still I went places and stayed in backpacking hostels.

Even though these trips were done during my “vacation” time, these were anything but vacations. I had to go places to get documents and look through archives.

Which brings me to this year.

I have two trips planned this year.

The first trip is by train. Just out to Toronto and back. 4 days to Toronto, 1 night in Toronto, and then 4 days back to Vancouver.

I booked this trip last year just after I had booked my doctor’s appointment to make my formal request for Medical Assistance in Dying. I figured that after making the formal application that I was going to need some time off work to let the gravitas of my decision settle in.

Well, as we all know, the government caved to the demands of various American evangelical dark money funded astroturfing groups. Hopefully this only delays M.A.i.D. for one more year.

I’m still gonna take the train trip.

Not my first time on a train. Back in the spring of 1989 when Ed loant me out to Barry in Timmins Ontario for the summer to help Barry with his video game route I took the Ontario Northlander to Timmins from Toronto.

Next time I’d take a train was in the summer of 2014. I flew to Ottawa to deliver a letter to the Minister of National Defence at NDHQ. On the spur of the moment I took the train to Montreal for a couple of days.

But yeah, this will be the first time taking the train and sleeping on it. Didn’t have enough money to splurge on a private room so I’ve got a sleeping berth. This ought to be interesting.

Am I going to reconsider my desire for MAiD? Will I suddenly discover the meaning of life? Will the trauma from my past magically evaporate?

No.

But I need something to kill the time.

This train trip really wasn’t a “bucket list” thing, but I’ll include it on my bucket list.